My Friends Are My Friends Are My Friends
Over the years I’ve gotten to know lots of people in the scene of various proclivities. Some I feel closer to than others but one thing is certain, a friendship is not something I take lightly.
We all got involved in this thing of ours because of a desire and continue in it because it makes us feel good. I’ve made a bunch of good friends in the scene and always willing to make more. For me, a friend is someone I enjoy being around — a person that I have a certain rapport and connect with in some way. It would be wonderful if a friendship was always sunny and pleasant because it makes a person feel good but that’s not always the case. There are times when a friend is down and needs someone to just listen and be sympathetic and help with a kind word or two. Sometimes a friend can offer advice and it it’s something that helps, so much the better. It would be easy to willfully disregard a friend that was in trouble of some kind because our lives are so hectic and full of personal issues all our own. I just can’t do that.
Although I think it’s important to not cut loose friends just because things are not all rosy with them, it’s equally important for these folks not to withdraw and shut themselves up in a bitterness that too easily can arise from feeling disconnected. If people out there are willing to offer advice perhaps it’s important to listen to it. Every bit of advice is not equal to every other and some things are a better fit for a person’s situation — everyone is allowed to pick and choose what works for them. It’s most important to realize that advice is not the same as someone telling you what to do or ordering you around, it comes from the feeling of empathy that’s at the heart of every good friendship.
I truly feel a sense of community about the scene and all the people in it. It’s a somewhat dysfunctional community but on a lot of levels a lot more honest than much of the vanilla world. Almost exactly a year ago, my wife and my friends helped drag me out of a bad place that I was in. I’ll never forget that and will always be willing to pay that forward as many times as necessary — it’s what a friend would do.
Radspace 
January 30, 2009 at 2:05 pm
you are a good friend.
January 30, 2009 at 7:04 pm
We need each other, and yet we often make unlikely bedfellows. There are times when I wonder why I associate with this person or that person, when I know I probably wouldn’t connect with them if not for our mutual sexual identification. It’s enough to be connected by that underlying characteristic, because we are incomplete without it. Sorry for going off on my own little tangent. We don’t need an excuse or permission to care for another person. You do what you can, when you can, and that’s all you can do.
January 30, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Rad,
to bad more people in this world weren’t more like you. I know the most important thing I can be is a good friend. I would do anything in my power for a friend, and the greatest compliment I once got was when someone once told me,” you know you’ve always been there for me”. It brought me to tears. Oh and by the way, the way to a friends house is never far. Hope to see you guys soon.
January 31, 2009 at 7:15 am
I feel a possible group hug coming on…..
i
i
January 31, 2009 at 11:44 am
You are a good friend. Always have been.
Especially when I’m acting irrationally. One never forgets those who see their worst and are able to forgive and look at the best. 🙂
January 31, 2009 at 12:14 pm
’tis true. anyone can be all warm and fuzzy when things are warm and fuzzy. The measure of a real friend is when things are cold and clammy..and they are still there..hoding your hand……that is the REAL proving ground…
February 10, 2009 at 7:08 pm
It is odd, because I’ve been feeling vaguely disconnected recently. I think part of it stems from stuff months ago that meant I was out of it for a while. But I don’t get emails often anymore, or other communications from some people and have thus felt uncomfortable about opening up. I’m not usually like that, being a rather extroverted individual. But I also won’t put myself forward when I don’t feel like I’m “wanted” in that way. I’ll back off.
I don’t like it, and I guess I need to reach out more and hope I’m not rejected. Even my recent play has mostly just been that – play. Not enough going on mentally to make it really work. I’m frustrated in so many areas right now. To have friends, I have to be a friend too.