Get To Steppin’

I guess good writing is when you start with a premise and move to a conclusion — the conclusion should always come last to wrap it all up in a nice neat package. That’s good writing. However, not being a good writer, I’m going to start with the conclusion just to get it out of the way. It all comes down to this.

I’m done with putting this foot down on the ground and I’m ready to pick it up and put the next one somewhere. I don’t know where that will be but it will happen or at least I hope it will. I’ve taken this phase as far as I want to take it and I’ll figure out the next when the time comes. I’ve enjoyed what I’ve been able to accomplish no matter how small and I’ve enjoyed engaging with people and making friends out there. I’ve appreciated every single comment about what I’ve written, even the negative ones, and have always had the utmost respect for everyone who took the time to read my ramblings.

Now that the sappy shit is out of the way, I’m just going to say a few things for the fuck of it. Writing this blog has helped me in more ways than I realized. It’s given me some perspective on my kink, the scene, what I think about it and how importantly I desire to take it all. I’ve gone from moments of elation to dragging my feet through the mud but always coming away learning something about me and my perception of others in the kinky community. Mostly, I’ve slowly moved towards a center, a place inside me where I could feel comfortable enough to be myself. I haven’t reached it yet and I don’t know if I ever will but the journey has been interesting and fulfilling in and of itself. It has made me realize what is important for me and what is a waste of my time.

One of the things it has convinced me about is the fact that I am unwilling to suffer bullshit for long. I know bullshit is an art and lots of people are great and clever artists working in that medium but it doesn’t mean I have to buy into it or wade hip deep in the stuff. Once you know how the Three-card Monty game works, it doesn’t matter how clever the trickster is at cupping an ace because you’re not going to put your money down. There are a lot of folks out there in the scene who play that game like its solitaire except you can only fool yourself for so long until you realize you’re just stealing the same dollar over and over again. You’re standing still and ending up right back where you started when you’re finished. Sure, you might have people standing around enjoying the spectacle of a man playing himself for the fool but once they figure out you actually buy into your own nonsense their laughter is at you not with you. That’s where I am right now. I’ve seen my own bullshit for what it was and now I’m done laughing. That it’s made me see things around me for what they are is a fringe benefit and a double-edged sword. It would be a nicer world if I could get up and go to sleep in fantasyland but it wouldn’t be real. I like real even if it’s ugly.

I’ve said the scene for me is about fun and it is. Every experience I have when I’m playing with someone should be fun and never feel like a chore or that I’m going through the motions. I don’t want anyone playing with me who doesn’t want to nor vice versa. The same goes with the scene at large. I don’t want to be involved in things that don’t bring me pleasure because at its heart what I’m doing is for pleasure. If that makes me a hedonist then so be it but it’s also true of all aspects of my life. I speak my mind because I wish it and because doing so is enjoyable. Same goes with my activities in the political arena. I do it not just because I think it’s important but because it brings me a measure of enjoyment. Same goes for my job. I enjoy much of it and try to deal with the unpleasant parts as best I can. It’s not easy but I can’t ignore that the parts of my job I enjoy truly bring me pleasure. That’s how I’ve come to live my life. It may not be perfect but it’s good enough for me.

One other thing I’ve discovered about myself is that I’m not in a rush anymore. Yes, there are times when I feel old in the scene but more and more I feel a sense of rejuvenation. Being yourself for yourself is not a spectator sport nor does it require a vocal audience. Someone saying, “What do you mean ‘rejuvenated’, old man? Get out the way for the new blood that’s coming up”. Sorry, son, I don’t step aside for anybody, you’re going to have to push me — if you can and honestly, I don’t think you can.

Another last thought and then I’m off. The “drama” in the scene and the “politics” of the scene only have as much power over you as you are willing to give them. Don’t let anyone push you. Don’t let anyone shove you aside. Don’t let anyone act as if they own you and can tell you what to do. Push back and push as hard as they do. Never allow yourself to be intimidated by anyone. Never put someone in a position over you that they don’t deserve. You are in this for your own fulfillment and to walk the path you lay out before yourself. It’s not your duty to make sure that some other person’s road is smooth especially if it requires you to lay down so they can step on you. We’re not slaves and they are not masters no matter what role they play at during the fun and games. Stand up for yourself always. That may require fighting at times but that’s life. Other times it only requires that you laugh in the face of the person trying to intimidate you and watching them fold up like a cheap suit. Tell yourself every day that nobody tells you what to do unless you agree to it and for a good reason. Thus sayeth the monkey.

And with that…as a long time coworker of mine would say, “See ya. Wouldn’t wanna be-ya”.


18 Responses to “Get To Steppin’”

  1. Fare thee well, dear Rad!

    You and Sandy will always be spanko royalty for me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights. Whether ruminating, recounting, or blustering, You have always been a unique voice in our community. Sometimes the truth hurts, just like a good spanking. You demonstrate the ability to deliver both with strength, style, and sensitivity.

    May the coming years hold satisfaction, peace, and lots of naughty bottoms to spank.

    Big hugs,

  2. It’s such a shame to read that you’re finishing up here. I’ve greatly enjoyed your writing.

    You write so pertinently up to and including this final post. I so empathise with your comments. I too “appreciate every single comment”, find that writing gives “me some perspective on my kink” – and your final, very pertinent paragraph about drama, politics and “power” resonated strongly.

    With all best wishes.


    • Thank you, sir. It was a pleasure to finally meet you during this past year and I hope the occasion arrives again soon. As an admirer of your writing, I take your comment above as a great compliment.

  3. Well written and excellent post!

    Farewell Radspace!

  4. Sorry it has to end, but glad you got out of it what you needed 🙂

    I’ve enjoyed reading your posts, you’ve brought up several interesting topics over the time I’ve been reading.

  5. Rad, even though I don’t comment much I am going to miss reading your blog. It’s something I routinely look at, because it always either makes me think, makes me laugh, or makes me realize I’m not alone in some of my thoughts. Thanks for being here the last couple of years. Hopefully I’ll see you in Vegas. Hugs to both you and Sandy.

  6. Dear Radagast,

    I’ve only been a sporadical lurker on your blog, but I think that your posts are very insightful and well-written! So, I want to thank you for all the work that you put into your blog and for having gone to the frustation which went along with it sometimes. Ludwig told me more than once how much he liked your blog and how glad he was to have another fellow top out there writing such interesting posts. I hope you won’t delete the blog and give people like me, who haven’t found the time to read all of your posts, yet, or those who simply want to re-read them from time to time, a chance to do so.

    I wish you all the best for your future endeavours and a happy 2011!

    • Thank you very much. I am not going to delete the blog — it will still be here if only because I’ll want to come back and take a look at it myself from time to time.

  7. cassandrapark Says:

    I’ve always enjoyed your writing, and I hope you keep doing it in one form or another.

  8. Rad,

    I ‘m sad to hear that you are not going to be writing here anymore…I so enjoy reading your thoughts and opinions…always gives me something to think about, provides a chuckle or gets my head nodding in agreement…. And now that I’m across the pond and not able to cross paths with you as often anymore, it also makes it sad that there will now be less of a connection, such that it was/is.

    I wish you and yours the best in 2011, whatever that will mean for you….Big HUGGS!!


    • We’re only as connected as we want to be and make the effort to be. I’m still on Fetlife and I’ll probably be continuing with writing there in some form. Eventually, I’ll probably want to start up some other writing project but I’m not sure what that will be right now.

  9. I’ll miss radspace too. Your take on the scene is unique and I’ve gotten a lot of pleasure from reading your words.

  10. Happy New Year 2001. Rad. The French philospher Descartes once said. “I think therefore I am” You are a ‘thinking man’ Rad. So therefore whatever your endeavors are in the future may they bring you the peace of mind that you are looking for in your life.

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