Approaching The New Year

I was going to make Thursday, December 23rd my final post here but I think it’s better made on December 31st. Let that be the line of demarcation between the old and the new. I guess I still have a couple of things left to say.

This particular post was going to be completely different than the one you are reading now. Like many others I’ve written, it remains a draft because I was unhappy with the direction it was taking which was too negative. So I’ll take those thoughts and weave it into something a tiny bit different.

I hate feeling obligated because I have far too many obligations in my life already. Some are willingly undertaken like those involving my wife or my friends. Some are undertaken under a certain amount of duress like my job. I don’t want to add yet another layer of obligation onto an already stressful life. Doing things because I want to do them is the only way I want to live my life especially my personal life and the spanking scene is no exception. I want to write because I want to write not because I feel I have to write. Any compulsion I feel towards doing anything should come from a desire within me not from any other stimulus. At least that’s the way I live my life.

I don’t know if it’s selfish to say, “I’ll do what I want when I want to do it”, but it’s the reality of the way I feel. This is the way I handle my scene relationships as well. I play because I want to play not because I feel obligated to play. I may not get to everyone I want to play with and often I don’t much to my chagrin. However, I don’t do things by rote and have no desire to do them that way. I don’t provide charity when I play — I play because I like it. The same is true with my feelings about creativity. I don’t ever like feeling I need to be creative to meet a deadline because it sucks the enjoyment out of it. I enjoy writing because I want to write. I enjoyed doing a couple of videos because I wanted to do them not because I felt I was making a career out of it nor out of a desire to prove anything about myself. My personality precedes me wherever I go not because I’m embarking on a campaign to be “famous” in the scene (whatever that means) but because that’s me. Any, let’s say, notoriety that comes from being out in the open is peripheral to just traveling my own path no matter where it takes me. I’m not saying I don’t give a shit although I do affect that attitude on occasion. I’m just saying that I’m secure enough to walk my walk without having to prove anything to anybody — even me.

That might be part of the reason I’m backing off this blog and eventually moving on to some other thing. I got too wrapped up in worrying about how many hits I was getting on my homepage and that’s not the way I want to enjoy the things I’m doing. Nuff said for now.

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2 Responses to “Approaching The New Year”

  1. Happy New Year Radspace. But I would like to leave you with these thoughts. Once, a ‘spanking enthusisast, always a ‘spanking enthusiast, it remains in your mind forever.

  2. “I enjoyed doing a couple of videos because I wanted to do them not because I felt I was making a career out of it nor out of a desire to prove anything about myself” – I love this, I like the way you think

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