Truth, Blogging & All That Kind Of Thing

I mentioned last time that there have been certain pitfalls about the way I’ve presented my blog that have contributed to its demise.

When I started this blog, I had every intention of presenting the unadulterated truth without restriction. That idea lasted for about two seconds. The reality of writing here was always that I often offered opinions and observations but with a certain veneer. Some might find that funny because they see my writing as going directly from brain to page but that’s not the case. In between those things have always been filters and usually several of them working to massage the message.

One thing that I decided not long after starting Radspace was that I wasn’t really going to to be specific about scenes I took part in or play partners I engaged with. For lack of a better term, I’m not the “spank and tell” sort. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that sort of writing and I see plenty of it online — heck, I even enjoy a good amount of it. It just wasn’t my intention ever to point out my play partners or to potentially embarrass them by revealing details of play. Perhaps it was a too guarded way of writing and these folks would not have minded being lauded for good play even if it was in an anonymous sort of way. However, I always figured that the anonymity of the play would be shattered because some people would know who I happened to be playing with at a particular time and place. We all know that once one person knows something it won’t be long before one million people know it. That said, it did limit me. I couldn’t write entertaining or titillating tales of spanking play so I settled on perhaps merely touching upon these things and spending the rest of the time pontificating with opinions.

Opinions are strange things as well. I speak my mind as often as I can and there are a lot of people who see me as an unfiltered fountain of facts, thoughts and one-liners. The truth is that these aren’t unfiltered although my filtering system might be extremely specific rather than applied in a blanket way. There have been times I have felt strongly about a particular subject often because it was something that bothered or offended me. I’ve written many drafts of blogs focusing on these things only to leave them unpublished and likely deleted. Ultimately my reason was cowardice. That may be a harsh assessment but I can at least be unfiltered in my opinion of myself. Because of certain life lessons stemming from negative incidents, I have grown to see things in a way that encompasses the Big Picture. I may have a problem with a person, group, organization, etcetera but is it really worth it to disrupt things just to express it? I prefer a smooth path ahead of me and since I’m married have to take into account that any negativity I generate because of my opinions can affect my wife as well.┬áNo matter what we think, the scene is a pretty small place. I’ve tried very hard not to create too many enemies because I want to continue participating in the scene and, presumably, so does my wife.┬áThere were times that I did express an opinion that pissed off enough people to turn into a mess. Trust me, I learned from that in no uncertain terms. I will honestly say that there were certain things that happened that made me say, “Fuck this bullshit” and were the beginning of the end of my desire to continue with this blog.

I don’t have time in my life for anything that causes me angst because I have enough of the self-inflicted kind to require therapy. I don’t need it added to in any way, shape or form. Part of that angst is feeling that this blog became a god damned lie because I was holding too much inside rather than letting it out. It would be cathartic to do so but also conceivably catastrophic. As a self-proclaimed coward, I chose the path that was easier to take but ended up being a double-edged sword and a frustrating one at that. It didn’t help that all of these feeling came at the same time that I was going through several years of family issues including the deaths of parents and a sibling. Put all of that together and it just became too much bullshit to deal with.

So there you have it. Honesty is a tough thing to put out there because it exposes a lot and allows a lot back in. I am in constant amazement at those bloggers who can write about their experiences in the scene especially those that are intimate. For the time being, I cannot and will not do that. Where does this leave me? I guess shutting this place down is where.

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4 Responses to “Truth, Blogging & All That Kind Of Thing”

  1. Radspace. Just some thoughts I would like to throw in your direction. You seem to be a thinking man, and and inteligient one at that. You like music, both popular and classic. Plus the fact you can express yourself very well in print writing. Now comes the tricky part, you love and adore spanking. Have you tried combining all three elements. A thinking man’s classical or rock opera, that has as its theme.’spanking. Write one, have it produced amateur, Broadway, or Lincoln Center style. Just an idea, but I wish you good luck/.

    Ce

  2. Hi Rad,

    I am (again) fascinated. I think I might be your mirror image. It’s not just because you’re a urban male top and I am a suburban female bottom. The parallel contrasts go deeper.

    You are a genuine spanko celebrity. You’ve met just about everyone in the community who matters. However, (paraphrasing in broad terms) your blogging is encumbered by your concern for the feelings and sensibilities of the people with whom you play.

    I play only with my husband. I can (and do) freely share any details I like. Many in the scene know my name, but no one would recognize me on the street.

    I’ve made many wonderful spanko friends over the years. My lament is that I would love to meet them all over dinner or coffee or spankings or whatever. I wish I could hear their voices and see their smiles.

    For reasons I won’t unload here, that is not likely to happen.

    So I guess your dream is my reality and my dream is your reality. Or perhaps the lesson is that we should each be careful what we wish for…

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

    • I am not a person to expose all of my private life to anyone, just what I choose to relate. I suppose I feel the same way about other folks especially the ones I play with.

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