Is It Fun?

My take on the spanking kink is my own because my variety of the kink is my own. I sometimes get into discussions or arguments with people who probably think I’m minimizing their experience with spanking. Maybe its that I don’t understand what it is that certain people get out of the scene nor do I pretend to.

I got involved in the scene because there was a spark inside that compelled me to finally take the plunge. My spanking kink was always tied to the fact that it was a turn on for me even when all I could do was think about it. There might also be a tiny part of me that enjoys the dominance of another person even in the context of a spanking scene but mostly it is something that makes a little kinky spark plug in my head go “zap” on occasion. I engage in spanking because it is something that’s fun for me to do, otherwise I would not do it. I don’t know if I have a compulsion to engage in it or some deep need that makes me feel terribly unfulfilled if I’m not doing it. When I was living a vanilla life, I did feel somewhat unfulfilled because I had no way of doing anything at all. Once I got into the scene, I found that I was able to scratch my itch on a rather regular basis. Not all play is the same and some forms of it work better for me than others. For example, I love to role play and being able to immerse myself in a really well-acted role play session is something that is second to none for me. It may not always be possible to do this sort of play because I need to be able to play with someone who can do improv convincingly but it’s great when it happens.

Discipline of the real life kind is often harder to do because of the emotional component that’s at play for me. I have a pretty empathetic streak in me that can identify with someone who has made mistakes. I have made so many mistakes in my life that I’m often prone to say, “It happens”, whenever someone else does something they shouldn’t have done. I have a saying whenever things go wrong: No matter how smart anyone is, sometimes the Space Shuttle blows up. It’s not to say that some mistakes are not worse than others. At work, a really serious mistake can get your fired. In life, a really serious mistake can end up with you behind bars. A lot of times, spanking as a remedy for life’s mistakes seems not quite right in my mind. I often feel that spanking a person for something real is underlining it multiple times rather than telling them, “Well, learn from it and do better next time”. It feels as if I’m standing over a person and berating them and can’t understand how this will help. Obviously, I don’t get what they get.

A lot of the reason is that I put myself in their shoes. I am not a person that takes criticism well nor one that needs his mistakes pointed out. If I’ve made a mistake, I know it pretty quickly after it happens and will feel like shit for allowing myself to screw up. The last thing that works for me is someone standing there pointing out my error because all that does is make me stand on the bridge of my starship and yell, “Shields up! Arm photon torpedoes!” I’m very self-aware enough to know that I’ve made a mistake and often go day after day chastising myself over it. That mechanism, which might sound like I’m beating myself up over something, is how I learn not to allow something to happen again. I don’t want nor need some outside force telling me I screwed up because I’ve gone through that already and come out the other side. Certainly there are chronic things in my life that I seem not to be able to get past but those are neuroses that I have to constantly force my way past. Beating me up over it won’t help and will only sour me.

This might be the reason I don’t fully understand disciplinary spankings for real life infractions. I empathize too much with the person that made the mistake and project my own reaction to a punishment. Thoughts?

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9 Responses to “Is It Fun?”

  1. Lunargirl Says:

    Rad,

    I get what you are saying, mainly because I know people who react in much the same way that you do. People such as yourself are a less common breed, in the fact that you don’t really need others to point out your mistakes in order for you to learn from them. It really underlines the fact that you feel very responsible for your own actions and I agree that you are probably very much an empath in that you understand how your actions will affect another person. I am much the same when I make mistakes, except for one thing, which could well be the thing that you are struggling with.

    Like you, I immediately understand what I did that was a mistake. I can see the way it affects others around me, my job, relationships, etc. I don’t need someone to point out the mistake that I am already very aware of. Mistakes bother me a lot. Wow, that is an understatement. Mistakes bother me a lot more than they should at times. I find it very hard to forgive me for the mistakes at times. If someone were to point out my mistake and make a huge deal of it I am much more likely to just feel resentment towards them than I am to react positively to them pointing it out. It is in moments such as these that discipline does help me get through what I need to get through.

    I think what I am trying to say is that I don’t crave the discipline to show me what I did wrong. I am already very aware of what I did that was a mistake. I don’t need discipline to make me “sorry” for what I have done. There is no possible way for me to feel worse than I generally do, espescially if the person affected is someone I care about. What the discipline does for me is it allows me to say to myself, “Okay, I have paid the price for what I have done, and now I can go on”. It may be an overly-simplistic way to look at things, but that is how it works for me. It is more of an “atonement” than a “punishment” for me.

    Hope that makes (at least a little) sense.

    Lunargirl

    • I get what you are saying in an intellectual sense but my problem is getting it in a personal way that relates to me. I feel like crap when I make mistakes because I’m telling myself that I’m smarter than that but feel that maybe I’m not and the mistake is indicative of my intelligence. I eventually work through all of this especially when I create mechanisms that prevent the mistake from happening again. That is my atonement — if the mistake is not made again, I feel pretty good.

  2. I actually prefer to discipline for real-life infractions. While there a part of it is pointing out the error, I believe I’m ultimately working with the person to help them not make the same mistake. Depending on the scene, I may admit a similar mistake. In every instance I do point out that they’re trying not to do it again.

    I take this sort of spanking as a two-party endeavor. I take it that the person bottoming to me doesn’t want to feel alone in trying to correct their mistake. I often feel that way when I have to make up for errors at work. While I can’t stand hand-holding and prefer to rely on my own problem-solving skills, I’m really alone in fixing this.

    I’d like to think that spanking takes that bit of anxiety away.

  3. As a person on the receiving end of a discipline spanking, I will speak (for me).

    Like you, I am well aware of what I have done when I do it and beat myself up over it endlessly, and constantly hashing on what I ‘should have’ done. Yes, someone else pointing out the mistake can raise defenses, especially when I am already well aware and feeling shitty.

    With discipline, it actually enables me to put it behind me and NOT dwell on what a stupid thing I did. In the moment, I may feel defensive. But in the end, it works out, really, to help me overcome and move past it.

    It’s not easy – for either party involved. 🙂

    sarah

  4. Yeah, I can’t help but notice this was written after I emailed you. It does come across as “your stuff is weird unlike mine”. I don’t know that explaining it to you helps you understand the psyche of discipline. I’m sure your wife could help you understand.

    For me, it’s the lecture, the caring tone, the idea that the person doling out the punishment is in your corner. They are doing this out of care for your well-being. Corny as it may sound, much like a father figure or older brother. Someone who will dole out hugs but will also tan your hide when warranted.

    I agree that I beat myself up over mistakes twice as much as normal people would and I have to agree with sarah above. The spanking gives your brain permission to let it go. Even if you haven’t had the spanking yet, there is a certain amount of relief in knowing you can erase the mistake to some extent. Maybe it’s crazy, but there are crazier things out there.

  5. cassandrapark Says:

    I liked what artams said. “The spanking gives your brain permission to let it go.”

  6. I would listen to Cassandra. She’s very, very smart. 🙂

  7. Beautifully put..you have so eloquently penned the sentiments I’ve tried to express for years. I have nothing against those who utilize discipline spanking, but outside of a kinky fantasy or two, it just isn’t really for me. 🙂

    Celine

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