How To Meet People At Parties, Part One

I’ve been asked by some unnamed and as far as you know non-existent person to further discuss some of the ways that people can meet other people in the scene. A few parties have come and gone but there are still a few scheduled events for the future including Crimson Moon, SSNY’s July 31st event and Shadow Lane on Labor Day weekend (as well as an FMS party in the fall…I think). So now’s as good a time as any to talk about this subject. I’ll try to be practical in my advice as well as stretch this topic out through multiple posts to get my page views up.

It’s not just the single person that might find it difficult to navigate their first party but the first time couples as well. Maybe you’ve been going to parties your whole life but have yet to attend a particular one and feel out of your element. You could feel confident enough to just get up and go especially if you are a good mingler or schmoozer and hope for the best. Unfortunately this doesn’t always work out and newcomers especially find themselves somewhat overwhelmed by the activities or the enormity of the event. There are times when you are there when it might seem like everyone else knows each other and you are the odd person out.

One sure fire way to achieve a modicum of success in the scene and especially at parties is to do a little laying of foundation before you even attend. In the modern world, that means social networking. I think it’s safe to say that a lot of people in the scene are probably shy on some level. You’ve had all these spanko thoughts your whole life but now you are stepping out of the comfortable and familiar vanilla world into what appears to be a three-ring circus. Things are going to be a lot better for you if you get to know people ahead of time even if it’s in a cyber way.

Let’s say you are going to attend the Fifth Annual Spankatorium and Buffet in sunny Boise, Idaho, a party that is run by the Greater Idaho Spanking Association. You don’t know a lot about this group but feel that your first big event should be one in Boise. So you make plans to attend — now what? Well, chances are that Greater Idaho has a website or at least a message board, perhaps even a chatroom on some nights. A logical first step is to register on this site and introduce yourself. It doesn’t have to be overly elaborate or painstakingly detailed and certainly should not give a laundry list of your physical ailments. Actually, your physical ailments should pretty much be the last thing you talk about even in person. A polite hello followed by some light biographical material will pique the curiosity of certain people to engage you in conversation. Spankos are a welcoming lot for the most part and there are always those who want to make sure that the scene puts its best foot forward. Often it is the organizers of the event or group who are keen on recruiting. Nothing makes a group more vibrant than a desire to bring new people into the fold.

You can also look into joining a group like Fetlife which has become a sort of Facebook for kinksters. I’ve found that many of the spanking groups around the country have or are in the process of creating a presence on Fet. plus there are many other groups that you can join on a variety of topics including spanking. I’ve found that it is a terrific way to meet people and the focus of the site away from being a meat market makes it a relatively safe place to have a kinky persona (just ignore the flamewars unless you are like me and enjoy them).

The key to preparing your party experience ahead of time by making some connections is not about the quantity of those connections but in making any at all. If you make one measly connection before a party with a person that’s going there, you will at least know someone there. And here’s a little super secret knowledge for you future party goers that is not often made public and has only appeared once before in a Bazooka Joe comic: Knowing someone at a party will beget other connections. Sure it could be because the person is a good host and all that sort of altruistic rubbish but practically speaking, they’ll probably want to palm you off on other folks because they don’t want you hanging around their neck the whole party like an albatross. Use this to your advantage. Don’t get insulted by being shoved off on someone else, go party surfing, letting the flow of connections move you around a room from person to person. The more people you meet, the better chance you have of making real friends. This is called “mingling” and the more you do it, the better you’ll get at it.

That’s all for now. Next time around I’ll get deeper into the whole introduction thing by giving some of you shy ones a couple of pointers. I also might not wear any pants when I’m writing about it so there’ll be excitement there as well.


4 Responses to “How To Meet People At Parties, Part One”

  1. Great advice, beautifully put!

  2. Timely advice as I have just finalized arrangements to go to Shadowlane.

    While not my first party, it will be the first one where I don’t have a social safety net already in place.

  3. cassandrapark Says:

    I’m all for going pantsless.

  4. Cassandrapark has it right. Pantsless rocks.

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