Yes, It Is All About Me (And You Too)

There is enough room in this scene for all of us to do the most important thing we are here to do — have fun.

Is this you? You go to a spanking party, no matter the size, and sit there looking at those few people whose personalities seem to fill up all the empty spaces. You wonder, “How can I compete with that and get what I want out of this deal if I’m not as bold as they are?” You might feel a little jealous or envious of those people and perhaps secretly resent them for being there. In the end you feel less than satisfied with the whole event because you feel you couldn’t assert yourself the way you wanted.

Let’s face it, that’s most if not all of us at one time or another. It could be at the very beginning of our journey through the spanking scene or even after we’ve been around a while. The fact is that on occasion, people’s personalities will rub up against our own and create friction. Frankly, there’s nothing to be ashamed of about it because it is a very human trait. However, it is one that we should all control for our own good and our own happiness. I’ll put it this way. I go to a party and during the few hours I’m there or over a weekend, I notice one Top with a cloud of play partners always within reach. Maybe my ego gets a touch bruised because I feel I am a bit shoved to the side. I might be playing with a couple of people I’m certainly not as in demand as that fellow over there.

The fact is that from the first moment I’m there, I’m setting myself up to have a lousy time because my enjoyment is immediately tied to someone else’s actions. I’m in this for me and to have a good time for me, not to worry how my good time measures up against someone else’s. It shouldn’t be a competition. Also, how do I know that this person’s ten play partners don’t seem anything more than a chore for him or a kind of work. I’m not saying they are but I don’t know what he’s thinking. Seeing things in a certain perspective, my two play partners might be such wonderful experiences that I walk away from the party happy and satisfied to have had such quality play. At the Tropical Beach Party, one of the best scenes I had happened during the vendor’s fair and lasted less than one minute. However, the little bit of role play got into my head so much that I remember it as one of the best from that weekend. Quality certainly trumped quantity.

Look, I’m not saying that I don’t get a kick out of people I’ve never met coming up to me and “knowing” me already. Being the “famous” Rad is fun and certainly helps this rather shy person break the ice with new people. I appreciate the minor fame and my ego appreciates it as well. But my enjoyment is not tied up in being famous, infamous or anything like that. The truth is that no matter who you are, there will probably be people who are closer to the center of attention that you — a fact of life. So go ahead and make your own kind of fame. Meet people and have fun for your own enjoyment and hopefully their’s as well. Enjoy the people who are around you and don’t worry about those that are not. Having a good play session and a fan base of one is certainly lightyears better than coveting what you don’t have and being left with nothing.


7 Responses to “Yes, It Is All About Me (And You Too)”

  1. Well said! I’ve certainly had those moments of feeling “left out”, who hasn’t? But I think it is far better to enjoy the friends we make and scenes we participate in rather than comparing ourselves to others.

    From a bottom’s perspective, I’d much rather have one nice scene (whatever the length) than an evening spent “lap-surfing” just to avoid feeling left out. Quality over quantity, always.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    I haven’t attended a spanking party in quite a little while . I think this particular post is very insightful, grounded, realistic and sensitive.. traits this scene has found wanting.. in my opinion. Seems that this level of self-espression brings out either the best or worst in people… many extremes.. and we should tend towards perhaps the ‘gray areas’…. with a touch of RED thrown in…for contrast.

  3. markedman2322 Says:

    I do not go to the big hotel parties, but I have been to the mountain weekend maybe 15 times; I love Jesse and the MSA, and also the LGBTG Center parties on 13th Street plus Paddles.

    I agree about feeling left out and shy. I mean some people just have more mojo/personality whatever than others; but since that means we shy ones are in the majority here, I think we do OK in this scene. I have never thought about this before, but it is not all that different than junior high school. And I hope we all had a good time there. I think that is what I find so enjoyable in what we do. That plus the whacking!

    • As a person who had a lousy time in junior high school and high school, i find the spanking scene to be mostly free of the sort of thing that made it unpleasant for me. The majority of folks in the scene act like adults which makes it a lot easier for me to navigate around and meet people without butting heads every two feet. As for shyness, I think that it is controllable by the exercise of willpower. If a person whose shyness lasted into adulthood can shed himself of most of the baggage that came along with it then pretty much anyone can.

  4. markedman2322 Says:

    I agree about the shyness and overcoming it. As for junior high school, I’m thinking of a Friday night gymnasium dance and I’m scared shitless standing around the edge looking at the pretty girls sitting there and watching the cool people dance not really knowing a soul. But after all these years it’s a good memory. Sometimes I find myself in a similar situation at a spanking party; standing on the side and watching people and I’m just standing there. That’s probably how I was transported back to junior high school. However, sometimes all it takes is a simple sentence and shortly thereafter I’m making friends with a new person. I agree with you about what is so nice about the scene. The people are really great! Thanks for your blog.

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