Just Live Your Life

Not being afraid is very liberating especially when you get to a level of maturity that lets you separate those things that one should be concerned about with everything else. The spanking scene is no different and it doesn’t just take courage to enjoy it openly but to continue to do so for the only reason that should be important: Your own enjoyment.

I spent too many years of my life caring what people thought of me and what I was doing. The criticism aimed at me by my parents as I was growing up didn’t just sting at the time but instilled in me the notion that I had to hide parts of myself from view for fear of the ridicule I might have to endure if others found out. It wasn’t just my kinkiness because it took me many decades past my childhood to acknowledge that I wanted it as part of my life. The music I listened to, the books I read, the movies I enjoyed, even the food I liked, all of these things were thought over incessantly by me in a kind of paranoid cost-benefit analysis. I often came to the conclusion that hiding parts of me away was the best course of action to avoid the pain of being mocked or being seen as uncool. The fact that I was probably seen as uncool because of my geeky love for science fiction, progressive rock and comic books (among other things) went over my head because I was convinced I was doing a bang up job keeping things from everyone around me.

I can see from my older vantage point that it was not only a foolish endeavor but immature on my part. It’s not that I would not have been mocked by friends if they knew certain things about me — maybe they would, maybe they wouldn’t — but that I was not grown up enough at that point in my life not to care. As I’ve said before, I got involved in the scene because I felt somewhat compelled to do so. My kinky itch was so great and I’d spent so many years not scratching it that when the opportunity arose, I said to myself that I would jump in feet first and never look back. Things have not always been perfect in the scene during my time in it. Sometimes it was something personal that happened that cast a shadow over things or sometimes just the “drama” that erupts every so often. Whatever the reason, there have been times that the scene has not seemed as welcoming as it can be and certainly less than enjoyable. I admit that I let myself get dragged down by these things and allowed them to not only get under my skin but eat away at the very thing that makes the scene a place I enjoy being.

I’ve had the extremely good fortune to know and befriend people in the scene who are both mature and well grounded in reality. Without naming names, I have spoken with these people during those troubled times and come away with not just a better outlook but have had an important lesson ingrained in me as well. Simply put, I’m in this for me and no one else. That’s not to say that I’m going to be selfish or barrel over people in my quest for personal gratification but there is a certain level of self-fulfillment that needs to be accomplished if I’m going to come away from my scene experiences feeling positive. That means I go where I want, associate with who I want and pretty much do what I want to do. It’s not because I’m trying to look like some sort of “tough guy” that struts around with his chest out saying, “I’ll do what I want”, but because I have to have my fun in the way that I want to have it and outside issues be damned.

I’ve come a long way from that kid who was so afraid to lose the respect of other people that he didn’t respect himself. Never again.

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One Response to “Just Live Your Life”

  1. Here here.

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