Leaps

A string of apologies is what this blog has turned into although I’m not quite sure who I’m apologizing to and for what reason. Maybe I’m just apologizing to myself for not being able to bring this blog to its inevitable conclusion but still not find it in myself to write on a consistent basis. I have recently discovered the need to apologize to those people who have difficulty reading light letters on a black background but that’s the theme I chose for this blog because I thought it looked “cool”. I guess it’s like a guy who buys clothes based upon what they look like in a catalog and on a guy who is (fill in the country here)’s ideal for maleness. “Wow. That jacket looks awesome on Mr. Chiseled — it would look great on me.” Yeeeaaahhh-no.

The other day, a 21 year old college student thought it was a good idea to take a flying leap off of the Empire State Building because of whatever problem he was having. In a feat that is rather difficult to accomplish, he cleared all of the ledges that jut out at intervals as you approach the bottom. Amazingly and to the horror of those on the ground, he made it all the way to the sidewalk before his body went in a bunch of different directions all at the same time. Fortunately, he didn’t land on anyone which in itself is a stroke of luck at a busy time of the day like 6:15 pm. I have no idea why this is in my mind except for the fact that the bus I ride every morning passes by the spot on 34th Street where he landed. However, I do admit that I have a rather pathological and morbid curiosity about such horrors (I will often watch plane crash videos on YouTube much to the dismay of my coworkers). For example, what’s in my head about the story of the jumper is this: I wonder if he changed his mind half way down?

This is the point where I would normally transition into something like “Ya know…the scene is a lot like jumping off a building”. No it isn’t and that’s the trouble I’m having writing this shit. Stupid cutesy analogies are not working for me right now especially after I’ve seen the same Air France Airbus crash into a forest over and over again. There’s a problem with this blog and my own spanko desires — thinking or reading about this stuff all the time is really sucking the life out of my enjoyment of it. There’s an old Armenian saying that translates as “you’re taking the taste out of the smell” — in other words, you’re overdoing it until any enjoyment is completely gone. That’s what I feel I’ve done here. I’ve talked openly about a subject that at one time was secret and special to the point where it is no longer either. Bringing my spanking desires into my life on a daily basis has made it just a part of my vanilla life. Buy some eggs and milk. Go to the bank. Get a haircut. Write a spanking blog.

The problem is that it seems like work to do this and, truth be told, I hate to work. I’m sure there are those people out there who love the sense of accomplishment that a career brings but I’m just not cut out for that sort of thing. I work because I have to otherwise I can’t survive and what I’ve done with my spanking desires is put them in the same category as my job, something I have to do rather than want to do. I think the reason I’ve had a hard time writing here is that I somehow blame this blog for taking the joy out of something I really desired, dreamed of and enjoyed — turning into yet one more chore.

So now I spend time writing comments on half-a-dozen politically liberal blogs and am busy writing every third day on a blog I started about Star Trek. I figure that writing less frequently about Star Trek will make the joy leave me slower. I think that if I even want to continue writing this thing, I’m going to have to rework some of the things I’m doing here. Maybe I should use this place as a way to put more of my fiction out there but what I write is not strictly spanking related. I don’t write “smack-smack-smack” stories nor have a desire to write about English manors or shit about relationships. Not what I’d want to read so not what I want to write about. I’ll think about it.

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2 Responses to “Leaps”

  1. Well, that’s an easy choice to me! Screw the spanking, where’s the Star Trek blog?! 😉

  2. I sooooooo relate to what you are saying. You said it perfectly, really. It’s become so much of me that it seems…..normal….now. Blog writing, story writing = work. lol. I almost feel I *should* write for those who read me, rather than out of a desire to do so as it once was.

    s.

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