I Guess There’s Nothing Left To Say

I’ve had a hell of a time struggling with my writing. I’m not going to blame any outside forces for this because the cause resides within myself. I’m not exactly sure if the well has run dry or not but sometimes it just feels as if what I have to say is not meant for this or any forum. I’ve run along the surface area of my kinkiness and even delved deeper than that as I’ve explored the reasons for why I and many other people are the way they are. I’ve been serious as well as humorous about things but I’ve always been honest — whatever was written here was how I really felt about the subject. I’ve tried to keep things on topic as best I could rather than go off on too many tangents about life and matters non-kinky. Perhaps this was a mistake from the outset. Maybe I should have made this more about whatever happened to be in my head rather than focused upon a narrow list of topics. Who knows?

One other thing that I’ve always been conscious of is being too honest. For lack of a better term, I don’t just let it all hang out here. There are bits and pieces of my kinky self and even vanilla self that I don’t just spill here. The vanilla part is probably understandable because who really cares about my work issues, the transit system or my thoughts on restaurants — other folks do a much better job of that kind of thing than I could possible do. The kinky part is only slightly difficult to explain because what could I possibly be hiding? It’s not that there are horrible things lurking within me that would make a reader recoil, it’s just that there are aspects to my kinkiness that are my own and things I just don’t talk about. Maybe I’m embarrassed by them or think that people might not understand. I’m sure there are things all of you feel are important to you that you don’t just tell everyone. The fact is that as open as I tend to be, I reserve much of my openness to folks who I feel an enormous amount of trust for. If this were a more anonymous blog, I might feel free to talk about any and everything no matter what it was. The fact is that a lot of people know who I am and the people I’m attached to by marriage or friendship and that restricts me a bit. That leaves entire avenues of discussion unexplored until some future time when I might feel more comfortable with those subjects. Now I’ve gone and made certain people curious — sorry about that.

In conclusion, I’m in a place right now where I’m really struggling with getting a coherent thought out about this subject. I went from writing every day to a few days a week and now to whenever I can do it. Not sure why that happened but I can put a bit of the blame on vanilla life stress. I’ll write again soon, I hope.

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8 Responses to “I Guess There’s Nothing Left To Say”

  1. I like this post. There’s nothing wrong with this. Why judge it? Whether you write or not, hold back or not, is just the way it is. Maybe this “struggle” is the birth of something new, which needs to an open space to come into being. The lack of inspiration to write here, may not be a lack at all.

  2. This is something I can certainly emapthise with Rad. Like you I started blogging every day and then cut it down to a few posts a week and now find myself struggling to write even once a week. There’s always a different reason: lack of time, the inability to write coherently and sometimes choosing to do other things instead.

    I’ve always said blogging should be fun and on my own terms, but often I find the heart willing and the mind absent. Guess all you can do is go with the flow. Don’t force it. But don’t give up. We’d miss you too much!

  3. Hi Rad,

    I have written this post myself, several times in fact. I go through down periods where my muse is simply absent. My readers hope for some words from me, but I have none to give them, at least none I think they will like.

    It may take weeks or months, but the inspiration always returns eventually, often with so many new ideas that I haven’t time or energy to pursue them all.

    What I do during dry spells is post less often and rely more upon formulaic but popular features.

    I doubt that anyone can be highly productive on a continuous basis for years. There will always be lulls. The blogger who knows how to adapt and get beyond them is the one who will be around.

    If all else fails, do tell us about life and the scene in NYC. Most of us haven’t had those experiences (and none of us have from your perspective).

    Hang in there, dear Rad. This too can be overcome.

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

  4. k of M & k Says:

    Rad:
    A couple of disjointed thoughts
    The masses are greedy for entertainment – but you are not compelled to entertain them by writing on any schedule

    If the blog serves your purposes, please continue and I will continue to lurk and occasionally comment. I don’t think that having a focus was a mistake.

    I agree on the concern about personal information. Nothing worse than oversharing.

    Thank you for your work and for making me think.

  5. Dear Rad,

    Shit happens.

    All my best,

    Susan

    PS…You rock.

  6. You could try writing about a specific kink that you are NOT into. That way, there’s no danger of repeating yourself.

    Let’s talk feet!

  7. Sometimes, you need to step back from something, to continue with it.

  8. I’ve been this soldier so so so so many times, for all of the reasons you’ve listed. The really committed and interested/interesting readers always come back, bless them. Sometimes the field needs to lay fallow, and all that. I completely respect that wrung-out feeling.

    I’ve always gotten a great deal out of your blogging, so selfishly, I think/hope/know there’s more in you somewhere. Only time will tell!

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