Do I Fit In?

Do I care?

Over on her blog, This Cat Is Crazy, my lovely writes about her feelings working her way through the scene, especially Paddles, now that more and more younger folks are coming out on a regular basis. This is not a direct response to it but more of the way that I perceive the entire thing.

There was a discussion begun by me on Fetlife which asked whether the “age rift” in the scene was real or not. There were lots of very thoughtful responses (new ones as of yesterday as well) with varying degrees of agreement and disagreement regarding the topic. Some folks experience it from both sides and others not at all. I find that most folks fall into the camp of people who are comfortable within a certain peer group yet have no trouble reaching out to another if circumstance allows for it. The way I see it, very few people see others as anything other than just people. Yes, there are noticeable differences between a person who is 22 and one who is 52 but many times these are cosmetic. There are attractive and unattractive members spread across many peer groups. Youth doesn’t necessarily bring beauty and age certainly doesn’t imbue wisdom or even adult behavior in some. People pick and choose friends for their own reasons, most of which have little to do with discrimination.

I can only speak as a Top/Dom/Whatever. I am told that it’s much easier for me to meet and play with younger folks and that older subs/bottoms are not approached as often by the younger set. It is probably truer than not based upon the fact that I’ve heard the same thing from different people. Perhaps it is the final taboo that will eventually be broken as the groups intermingle. I can’t guarantee it but one can hope.

In case you didn’t know it already, I’m a strange bird. I rarely seek out play partners and almost never approach those that are younger than me out of the blue. I will befriend them the way I befriend anyone else and be satisfied knowing them that way. I try not to come across as always trawling for play partners because I’m not. I am extremely satisfied with the partners I do play with on a regular or semi-regular basis as well as the pleasant surprise of an occasional new experience. This is something that did not exist for me six years ago in my vanilla life days and I am more than thankful for what I have. I tend to befriend or talk to anyone who will talk to me at the club or anywhere else. I love conversation, especially if it turns to more geeky subjects like science fiction, music, politics or history. As a person who is relatively comfortable with the way I enjoy my play, I really have no need to be all up in someone’s face grilling them for their play preferences or kinky desires. If they happen to broach that subject, I’ll be more than happy to listen to detailed descriptions of their experiences but I don’t go out of my way go in that direction right off the bat.

When I’m at the club, I tend to be extremely laid back in my demeanor (unless I’m doing mean stuff) because it truly is a place I feel very relaxed in. Yes, sometimes a large crowd gets to be a bit much but for the most part I’m just hanging out. I think that stance is what makes me approachable even if some find me intimidating. I’m not trying to fit in because in my mind I already do fit in. It is something that is akin to the air of confidence that certain people project. If I walk into a room with the thought that I belong there no matter what anyone thinks, then I do. I’m not really looking to give advice to anyone because there is little advice to give. I’m just relating what my experience is like and why, for the most part, these “rifts” mean little or nothing to me.

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2 Responses to “Do I Fit In?”

  1. Interesting posts, both of you.

  2. […] is a topic that’s been on my mind for a long time (ie. forever) so it was interesting to see Rad and Sandy bring it up on their blogs recently.  In middle school, I had to grow up rather quickly […]

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