My Version Of Shopping Therapy

So there I was, pathetically feeling sorry for myself the past few days. I needed to break out of my doldrums and what better way to do that than to visit my personal amusement park: The pharmacy.

Of course I’m immediately drawn to the kinky aisle – where all the devices and products of an anal and rectal nature reside. They should put rectal thermometers in this section but they don’t, usually hiding an item like that in sea of thermometers of all kinds. I did not realize that you can now put a strip on someone’s forehead to tell their temperature – what a sad, sad waste. The enema aisle is interesting because even though they have the obligatory enema bag and the famed bulb-shaped rectal douche, they also have shelf after shelf of pre-prepared enemas for single use. I’m not a big fan of these things. First of all, they are overly expensive for something that’s going to just hang out for a little bit in your body on the way to the sewer. Sure there are generic alternatives at half the price but would you trust your most intimate of regions to knock-off enemas from the Czech Republic? I know I would not. The other thing is that the junk inside those things tends to be harsher than plain old water. Glycerides and such giving you a rude awakening by providing you with hours of non-stop fun. No thanks. Plain water, in and out – no fuss, no muss.

The problem with this little playground is that you can’t really hang out in that section for long without some worker asking you if you need help. “Yes”, you say. “Have you tried these suppositories and if so, which provide the most bang for the buck?” This is the reason I have to do a round-robin of pharmacies and apothecaries so that no one sees me over and over again perusing the rectal douche assortment. I’ll get a rep that I don’t want and be embarrassed by some worker going on the loudspeaker and saying something like, “Code 99”, which probably would mean, “Hey guys. Mr. Enema is back”. I don’t need that.

To avoid the Mr. Enema moniker, I make sure that I walk around the store and check out other items. The candles are always nice to smell. I like to imagine enjoying many a trip to the bathroom surrounded by the aroma of Mediterranean shores and various unrecognizable fruits. One pet peeve is that I can’t understand the purpose of candles that smell like caramel. It provides the watery mouth without any delicious candy to alleviate the craving – it’s like orgasm denial for the mouth. Too kinky for me.

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8 Responses to “My Version Of Shopping Therapy”

  1. I laughed almost this whole post. I’m like a kid in a candy store when it comes to pharmacies too.

    My favorite line: “- it’s like orgasm denial for the mouth. Too kinky for me.”

  2. Thanks for the morning laugh– I needed that! The whole post reminded my of my dad’s stories of getting kicked out of lesbian bookstores in New York. His excuse was that lesbian pornography was much less degrading of women than straight porn. I think he even really means it.

    • I had to stop reading lesbian porn because it wasn’t degrading enough nor hot enough for my tastes. As far as I’m concerned, only a man can write lesbian fiction that works for me.

      I think it’s about time for me to revive my “Lesbians In Space” series and get it ready for publication.

  3. I end up perusing stuff I can use as raw materials for nasty (mucho cheaper) enemas.

    Cook from scratch, as ma used to say.

    People just think I have a weird soap fetish or dry skin or something.

  4. I love writing my own porn. It can be as nasty as I want it to be. No, make that NEED it to be! Awesome blog. You are such a great writer.

    • Thank you for your kind words. True about porn — the kind that’s geared towards the tastes of the writer rather than the read is usually much more intense and good.

  5. Hello, i have a spanking blog to. I wonder if you like exchange links with my blog. Please, let me know what you think.

    Best Regards

    Enzo

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