One Of Those Odd Places

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That’s where I am right now when it comes to the scene. I enjoy spanking as much as I ever have but the scene? Right now, not so much.

The events that have been spread out over a bunch of groups and sites and relationships over the past few weeks have literally sucked the life out of the scene for me. I felt particularly melancholy about it today. It got so bad that I almost titled this post, “I’m Mad At Everyone”, but that would have been a touch dramatic and childish. The scene is my fun, my refuge, my joy and a part of my fulfillment. If I want bad feelings and a toxic environment, I go to work where I get both in copious amounts. For me, it’s not just the scene but my scene and all the bad feelings, recriminations and finger pointing pollute it.

I like the people in the scene a great deal. I have more friends now, real friends, than I’ve had during my vanilla years — combined. I like all of them regardless of the fact that they may be on opposite sides of a dispute. I can’t choose sides when it comes to people I like and it puts me in a very difficult place because I sometimes feel as if I’m being asked to do just that. I desire for people to see reason, to stop the nonsense and move on. I know that can be an empty hope and I think that’s what adds to my sadness about it all.

This is certainly not a big deal in my life compared with some of the bigger problems I face but it’s just something that I needed to write to allow me to get it off my chest. Now I can move on to better thoughts.

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One Response to “One Of Those Odd Places”

  1. I’ve been able to remove myself from this situation mostly because I was an innocent bystander as opposed to in the middle. I am glad of that, but I really dislike seeing what it’s doing to people I care about who are more involved than they wish to be (ie. you).

    I think more rational, and less emotional, thought needs to be involved in this entire situation, but that may be a bit too idealistic.

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