More About Roles

Taking on a role in someone’s life, whether scene, vanilla or a little of both, is something that I compare with the way a friendship develops. It’s organic and has a natural progression that fits in the lives of the people who are in it. Like any relationship in my life, it has to fit otherwise I’m not going to do it.

The word “mentor” always sounds funny to me when I see it bandied about the scene. I always picture it coming with a hat and badge that have the word printed on them in big block letters. My opinion is that it also comes with an aura of importance that I’m not comfortable with. That’s why finding myself in that particular role is something that’s sort of odd yet satisfying. I don’t feel the need to walk around saying I’m this or that for a particular person because I have no desire to receive any recognition. It’s like those little things I do for people — little favors because I want to be helpful. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done things like stop and help shovel snow from around a person’s car or help them carry something because it looked like they were struggling. I have no issue with not just giving directions but walking a couple of blocks out of my way to make sure the person actually finds what he is looking for. I’ve been offered money for helping people but I never take it — that’s not the point at all. I have already received my reward because I feel good for having helped someone. It’s better than money (sometimes).

This is why being a mentor or counselor (or as I call it consigliere) is its own reward for me. If someone is my friend, I want them to succeed. If I can give constructive advice or provide encouragement for someone then that’s a wonderful thing in my book. If I can combine it with my kinky pursuits then so much the better. Aside from being a do-gooder or kinkster, what am I getting out of this? Setting aside the fact that I’m being what I consider a mensch, I feel I am providing someone with something that I had none of when I was younger. I grew up in an environment that provided little encouragement. My parents were more likely to mock my interests than allow me the joy of following them. In all honesty, when I give a little bit I end up providing myself with an equal measure of healing for what I went through. I may be overstating this so forgive me but if I can make the world a better place for one person, I am fixing the broken part of me.

Formal titles and protocols be damned, I just feel good and that’s enough.

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2 Responses to “More About Roles”

  1. Down with formal roles and protocols!

    The last paragraph really speaks to me. Helping someone, offering encouragement, being the person that makes them smile when otherwise they might not have, that’s a great feeling. Doing for someone what my mother never could bring herself to do for me…it’s why my favorite thing to do is take care of people.

    Make delicious food, clean, grocery shop, host guests, etc.

    And it speaks to me for the opposite reason – your reason, but you already knew that. What I have never seen was it articulated so well – that what you’re doing for someone means that much to you and makes a difference in your life.

    I don’t know about others, but we see so much on being submissive or a bottom or just generally being on the receiving end and why and how and all the intricacies, and having a peek at the other perspective is really fascinating.

  2. A great entry!

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