When I Write Fiction

There are stories and fantasies in my head that want to get out. My difficulty doesn’t come from not being able to write but from what I’m willing to reveal.

I enjoy conversation. The more comfortable I feel with someone, the more willing I am to reveal almost anything about myself with no restriction. I either have very little filter or I just don’t care. I see the fiction I write as a conversation albeit a one-sided affair. In every story I write, there is much of me that goes into it. The fantasies revealed are often all mine with some slight variation. Even the most extreme stories I write, the ones that don’t see the light of day, tap into the dark recesses of my imagination and kink — they are a way of putting on a page things that are, perhaps, not ready for public consumption.

The feeling that blocks me from writing is a low-level paranoia that people who see a particular story will read too much into what I’m creating, seeing every character or action as either an analog to someone in real life or a revelation about my kinkiness. Should these things bother me at all? I tend to allow my imagination to let loose when I create — I don’t like having restrictions on what I write because I want my muse to take me where it will. It’s the way that I write, it’s the way that I’m creative. No matter the subject nor how extreme it might get, I go where I go for no other reason than the fact that the journey titillates me. Exploring the depth and breadth of my kinkiness is part of the reason I write but the biggest thing that drives me is that in my writing I can be as big a perv as I want without restrictions.

This is the reason many of my stories are never published but instead locked away in a folder on my computer. I’m sure there are things that some of you write that are never seen by others whether they’re emails never sent, stories never seen or blog entries that remain drafts forever. It’s funny that I seem to not really have a problem revealing things about me when talking with someone but am reticent about doing that when writing fiction. I guess it might have to do with the fact that with a conversation, you’re getting instant feedback and know when to stop. With a piece of fiction, there is no feedback until it’s done and all out there for anyone to read. I find myself editing based upon anticipation of people’s reactions. My conundrum is whether this internal filter is true to my creativity or if I’m stifling myself by thinking of it at all.

Overthinking things as usual.


2 Responses to “When I Write Fiction”

  1. kernalgeneral Says:

    not overthinking one bit rad, made perfect sense to me
    have a great evening

  2. also, in conversation, usually the other person is also revealing themselves a bit. In writing, not only do you not have the feedback, but you also cannot control WHO is reading it-and their mood while doing so…

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