Serious Sunday

The spanking scene’s version of the death penalty? I’m against it.

This will not be a long post because what I have to say is simple. If a person made a faux pas in the scene in the past or “did a bad thing”, I don’t believe in barring that person forever. I’m not talking about a person who does dangerous things or oversteps boundaries or acts in a criminal manner, I’m talking about the kinds of mistakes we all make in life when our personal foibles rub up against other folks.

We’ve all gossiped or spoken behind people’s backs, insulted people or just said something we should not have said — I will not entertain any notions that there are people out there who have not done it. What I personally don’t believe in is giving people in the scene the equivalent of the death penalty for acts that are lesser than the the most dangerous or disruptive kinds. A person who stalks someone or touches in a way they should not have is the same as someone who gossips? Really? The former is probably a person who’ll never change, the latter can. Plain and simple. As time goes by, the less infraction, to me, is forgivable especially if a person exhibits a changing persona. Second chances are made for people like this.

Another thing is that people have to develop a thicker skin sometimes. Every slight can’t be blown up into a full-fledged world war of atrocities just because that’s the way you see things in life. Go read “The Cask of Amontillado” for an example of blowing things out of proportion.

In my world, if a person dislikes another and voices that to me, they better have a good reason for it. None of this, “I just don’t like them” crap. To me an inarticulate reason is worse than no reason at all because it comes across as petty and punitive. I don’t like plain yogurt so you know what I do, I don’t eat it. If someone next to me is at a table eating it, I don’t get up and stomp away from the table in a huff because I can’t bear to be next to plain yogurt. That would be silly, childish and a little bit nuts.

Just my two cents this morning. Feel free to disagree.


8 Responses to “Serious Sunday”

  1. Good Morning, Rad –

    I would agree with you and I’m all for second chances. I think a first step though is acknoweldging the behavior, whatever it may be, and being willing to make a change. In my experience in the scene, those few who in fact *have* received the scene equivalent of the death penalty couldn’t do that. They truly didn’t/don’t see anything wrong with their actions and no amount of explaining or increasing numbers of people negatively affected by that behavior helped.

    Having said that, I also know that gossip, rumors and just plain snobbishness can certainly unfairly label someone. That is a good thing to avoid.

    • I don’t think that a second chance should come unconditionally and believe that a person who has done something wrong should try to make amends.

  2. There is so much that I have tried to add to your thoughts here, but I just don’t know how to put them into the words that will make me sound the least ass’ish. I will probably write about it myself at some point, I’m just not sure I agree totally with you though, Rad.

    Let’s see if I can sum it up quickly. IF I have to give someone a second chance, the effort had darn well better be coming from them!! We all have our own chemical makeup and mine is vastly different to most. For me, you only have to disrespect me once, because if I have to give you a second chance the only thought in my head is going to be “You shouldn’t have done that in the first place”. I’m extremely easy going, but there is behaviour that I personally find unacceptable and I would find it very hard to offer a second chance to having once been burned.

    There are too many good people out there for me to focus on the not so good ones.

    It doesn’t entirely follow your point regarding gossip, it is moreso behaviour, but it is along the same lines.

    • I don’t think your opinion nor your code of living need be considered “ass’ish” — they are your feelings to feel. However, I want to underline that I don’t believe second chances come unconditionally. I think a person has to be sincere in their apology for a second chance to mean anything to anyone. If a person is genuine, then I think it’s incumbent upon me to accept their apology.

      I consider myself a Christian Atheist — I don’t believe in the supernatural but accept the philosophy of Jesus. I don’t think it is healthy for me to be such a hardass that I can’t put myself in another person’s shoes. For me, a person would have to be pretty irredeemable for me to be unable to understand where they are coming from and why they might have done a certain thing. I think it is very easy to feel empathy for someone you see eye-to-eye with. I’d like to think I can transcend that narrow view at least every so often.

    • I think what Rad was referring to was insulting someone, but not in a catastrophic way.

  3. I like the way your mind works, Rad. I’m glad you’re around.

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