Some Deeper Thoughts On The Experience

A question was asked by more than one person about what the experience of doing a scene in front of a camera was like compared with playing privately. That’s something I wanted to address in a separate post along with a couple of other final thoughts on how I felt and currently feel about the experience itself.

Certainly there are things that are similar between playing and acting in a scene. The characterization, dialogue and action are often the same when doing a scene that is disciplinary in nature. There is a set number of things that can possibly happen during a session like that and although there are slight variations, it’s a finite set. So in that regard, the way I start a scene is the same as is the final “destination” where it’s all headed — this is especially true when I’m doing a role play.

If I had to put my finger on the main difference, it is this: When I’m playing with someone, I’m mostly concentrating on that one person. Is what I’m saying or doing working for them? Are they able to get into their headspace properly and get out of what we’re doing exactly what they wish to get out of it? I’m also concentrating on getting my head in the right place because only then can I truly do what it is I want to do and enjoy it at the same time.

Shooting a video scene took some of the above elements and twisted the angle that they are being viewed. My concern was not about developing headspace but about the way it all looks to the camera and the person viewing the scene. Are they going to enjoy what they are watching? Is the viewer going to get what’s going on? Are my demeanor, dialogue and image conveying what I want to convey? Is my acting good enough to help my co-star do their job properly? Along with these things are the technical aspects of the entire process grafted on top of what I’m doing. Am I standing in the right place? Am I smacking someone’s bottom too slowly or too quickly for the scene? Am I scolding enough or too much? All of this while I’m listening for the director to say something so I know when I need to stop for moving of cameras or some other technical issue. Add to this the breaks where I have to try and remember where I was mentally in the scene and try to pick up where I left off after five or so minutes.

In the end, it was a lot of fun to do a video but a hell of a lot of work. I did my best to be a good trooper and follow direction, making sure that the the other actors and crew were comfortable working with an amateur. I was there to do my job and I’m hoping I did it well.

One other thought about the aftermath of the process. I have spent many long years getting comfortable with my looks. I spent years not wanting my picture taken because I could not bear to see myself in photographs. My image of my looks drifted far afield of my actual looks — my conceited inner eye seeing me as significantly more attractive than I am in real life. Over the years, I’ve forced myself to make a real mental assessment of the reality versus fantasy of “me” and find a nice middle ground. The place I’m in now and which I struggle to keep steady is simply the belief that this is what I look like and if other people don’t like it, they can either keep it to themselves or show themselves the door out of my life. I’m self-deprecating enough without having dull-witted people add to it with their stupid and useless comments. My only consolation is that there are people who actually have the nerve to tell obviously attractive people that they are not attractive. That kind of idiocy tells me all I need to know about the subject.

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16 Responses to “Some Deeper Thoughts On The Experience”

  1. Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder! Since it’s relative, how can it truly be idiocy if someone else’s idea of attractiveness doesn’t conform to what we are shaped to believe attractiveness is? 😉

    g.

    • Honestly, it’s idiocy when directed at me because I need some way to tell myself that people’s opinions are worth shit (unless they are positive, then they are good).

  2. aaahhhhhh……lol……slow one for me! First cup of coffee and PMS (which makes my brain all muddled).

    A spanking might fix that!

    g.

  3. I get the feeling that you may have thought a lot more about the experience than any of the other actors and models. (Which is your way) When I think about the movies I’ve watched, I realize that the ones I enjoy draw me into the fantasy because of the strength of the introduction to the scenes, and I appreciate the efforts of the players.

  4. To continue with the analysis of movies, the leads have the luck of looks and the task of keeping them up. The supporting cast is judged more on how well they create their character.

  5. What looks best on video is a scene that’s real. There’s nothing you can point a camera at that’s better.

    I think you’ll find that it gets exponentially easier every time you do another one. By the time you shoot your 3rd video, you’ll be as professional as anyone ever is, and you’ll still be real too, which puts you in the upper echelons.

    I know you sweated this before it happened and your brain was probably racing a million miles an hour during the shoot but I sure hope you had some fun too!

    • Of course I did. It was a lot of fun — not just doing what I was doing but hanging out with some really great people. It was a good experience all the way around.

  6. Another good read, as always. I think the toughest thing about being a top in a video (male top anyway) is that the focus is primarily on the bottom (presumably female in this case!) and thus the bottom has to be attractive. Most of the videos we see – whether models or genuine spankos – contain pretty girls, beautiful girls, and hot girls – by societies definition. And usually, not always though (as certainly not in your case) they include any old guy who could be ugly as fuck or worse, fat and gross. Or both.

    So it’s tough for a male top to look at a video they did and wonder if they’re “any old guy” or someone better. Obviously, you know my opinion, but I dare say, a lot of the spankers in videos are horrible looking.

    Imagine if the same criteria most companies use to cast their female bottoms, went into casting their male tops – model like looks, thin, no older than 30 for most, and stylish.

    I feel like we see more genuine spanko in the male tops than we always do in the female bottoms, because a lot of the time, the female bottom can simple be ultra attractive and as long as she’s willing…win the role.

    God did I just ramble that much in a COMMENT?

    • I always save rambling comments for future reference as standalone blog posts.

      I think your comment makes a lot of sense although, like any subject, there is no catch-all for every single instance. How do I view myself in the videos I did? Certainly I think I am eminently replaceable. I always tell the story of an old boss of mine that would guard what he did like it was gold, going so far as to reconfigure his workspace and settings so as to thwart other people from stepping in and doing things easily. He mistakenly thought that would make him irreplaceable. I once told him that if the “Leader of the Free World” can be replaced every four years without the country falling apart then no-one is irreplaceable.

      Personally, I think anyone with any sort of acting ability can play a Top in a video as long as they are able to mechanically perform their part of the action. That said, I also think there is a certain ease about doing the role when you are already a Top and comfortable with that position. Not speaking about myself but when I’ve watched videos, I can always tell when a Top is really into what he’s doing rather than just acting it out — same goes for bottoms in videos.

      • I don’t think just anyone with acting chops can fill the role of a Top in a video. I find it so much harder to find good Top than a bottom. When looking to cast a Top, we seek someone that looks appropriate for the role, is willing to show their face on camera, is skilled and experienced (safety is of course of great importance), is going to be respectful and treat the bottoms appropriately, is responsible, and can deliver a solid spanking that comes off well on camera while respecting limits all in addition to hopefully being able to act well enough to role play for the scene set up and interaction during the punishment.

        The Top is key in making a good scene and I believe there is quite a bit of focus on the spanker as well as the spankee. Many people watching the videos put themselves in the role of the spankee and imagine how they’d interact with the Top. The individual spanker and his or her particular traits makes a big difference and so I don’t think you are so easily replaced.

  7. {{Most of the videos we see – whether models or genuine spankos – contain pretty girls, beautiful girls, and hot girls – by societies definition. And usually, not always though (as certainly not in your case) they include any old guy who could be ugly as fuck or worse, fat and gross. Or both.}}

    That actually sounds like a double standard all by itself, Marie!! The ‘old guy’ who is ugly as fuck and fat and gross, that would be by society’s definition also, right?

    • I have a lot of respect for old guys who are ugly as fuck. How would pretty people feel superior without them?

  8. Did I mention it was 6:30 am and I hadn’t been to bed yet when I’d written that comment. Obviously there are things I could have put into words better, but my point being – don’t worry Rad, you’re several steps above some of the tops we see in videos. Although as a side note, I think PB does an excellent job of picking their male tops. I think they have four or five total, including you Rad, and I’ve been spanked by two of them (hopefully three someday if Rich can forgive my lack of cognition at 6am!) – and yes, by societies definition – which was my whole point of the post. A lot of generalization and little of my own personal preference for videos.

    *goes off to further shove her foot in her mouth and take a nap*

    • I never hold a grudge, Maria. Just pointing out that I feel you are putting the same criteria into something that you are also complaining about. I’m one of those people you can actually have a good, adult conversation with.

      There is a lot about what you said regarding models that I disagree with, and that’s okay, people are allowed to have opinions 😉 Instead of using Rad’s Space to talk about them though, perhaps I should start my own topic and not hog his 🙂

  9. Hah!

    I was actually stating in general, that it’s ok for the men to be “unattractive” but not for the women. If the spanker is truly into it, and doing it out of a love for spanking and not because they’re just getting paid…then how they look plays little into it, except that we all want to watch things that are pleasing to our eyes. What is pleasing to my eye isn’t pleasing to many others, and vice versa.

    There IS a double standard…I’m not complaining! I was just pointing out that double standard…all thoughts here, no definites! Except that there IS that double standard.

    Maybe I could write something about this on my blog instead of defining fetish at 6 am…

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