Figuring It Out

It took me until I reached my 40s to finally figure out my kink and to begin exploring it. Even after a handful of years, I’m still doing a lot of growing as I hone my skills and develop new ones — define what it is I truly enjoy and continue to discover new things I’d not done before. Getting to the point where I could do this was the challenge.

I’ll boil the whole thing down to a short simple statement — I began my journey in the scene because I got tired of being afraid to do so. Over the years I was a mass of worries and nervous fears about following my bliss and allowing myself to enjoy even the thought of doing the things that I fantasized about in real life. For far too long it was all a dream that I felt would stay one forever. It wasn’t until I basically said, “Fuck it”, and jumped in with both feet did it finally dawn on me that my fears were not grounded in reality. I began enjoying myself, felt like more of a real person and continue to do all things I only imagined possible over most of my life.

Getting to that point is the tough part for most people, I think, and comes down to a simple question: Why not? You go through life afraid to take that first step until that little voice inside of you asks that question. It’s a scary question, too, because it forces you to face up to what it is you really want. I’m not talking about fairy stories that you played over and over inside your head — imagined tales of how you wish things would be. I’m talking about real life exploration of that which is in your soul and bringing it about in your life. It’s nervewracking to try to make your dreams a reality, toΒ  take your secret kink and not only expose it to the outside world but put it into practice.

And it’s not just about us versus them, kinky versus vanilla. I’m sure there are people in the scene right now that have yet one more layer of secret desires that they don’t act upon for quite the same reasons they did not act upon their kink in the first place. It’s just a matter of getting to the point where you have no more excuses left for not acting. Certainly some things are more possible than others but I think most of these desires are up to the individual to act upon. Is it what you want and what’s right for you? Then go ahead when it’s your time for it.

I have similar issues in my life. I consider my needs and wants to be specific and neatly ordered. There are things that I like and things that do nothing for me. However, I am slowly getting to a point where I say to myself, “So what?” What if a particular flavor of kink is not my cup of tea, does that mean I can’t enjoy doing it if I know it pleases another person? Am I so intractable that I shun all things that I don’t carry a membership card for?

Ah, thoughts percolate in my head as of late that perhaps there is room for other things for their own sake and for the sake of people who enjoy those things.

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3 Responses to “Figuring It Out”

  1. Really great post..thank you! I truly have had an interest in spanking since I was a very small child. I got my first adult spanking when I was 40 and have never regretted it for one minute. I turned 50 this year and keep discovering new facets of my kink.

    I agree with you fully in what you said in the last couple of paragraphs. I always tell my friends that I meet that I am open to other things….but often find myself reluctant to voice things that may seem out of the ordinary to me….perhaps for fear of rejection…or being silly…or being too weird. I am eager to try other things…as long as I don’t have to suggest them! Soooo…I am looking for mind readers to meet as play partners. πŸ™‚

    • radagast Says:

      I can’t say there are no mind readers in the scene — sometimes people just click and it comes across as mind reading. However, I think they are probably few and far between. That’s where subtle and not so subtle hints come into play.

      • I have had many wonderful experiences in past ten years…even finding several mind readers πŸ™‚ When people do ‘click’ it can be quite magical. πŸ™‚

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