True To Your Own Expectations

I’ve written that people should not have too many expectations when in the scene but to allow things to happen in their own way. It’s a good way to avoid disappointment but there are times when the opposite is the case.

You want to go to an event or play with a particular person and it just doesn’t happen. Oh, well, you shrug it off and say, “Next time”. There is one expectation that I don’t think anyone should ever compromise with and that’s to be cognizant and respectful of your own needs and desires. I’m not talking about hedonism nor am I talking about wanting things that are not possible to have. I’m saying that we all have things that we take from the scene that are for us — the parts of it that speak to the inner kink we hold close to us. There comes a time when every person has to nurture that part of themselves if only for a little while.

It happens a lot at parties especially large ones. You go with the idea that you’d like to have time with this person or that person and instead you’re pulled in 40 different directions. Most people want to be nice and want to be friendly so they go ahead and allow themselves to be dragged around by the ebb and flow of the tide. By the time it has subsided, these folks find that they never got around to doing what it is they wanted to do with the person they wanted to do it with because they let the excitement of the moment sidetrack them incessantly.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with putting your foot down every once in a while and not allow things to be taken out of your control. This is something I really have to learn to do myself — I’m often trying to be “nice” and let things just happen. It’s not that I wouldn’t want to play with these folks but probably not when I had it in my mind to do something else. I also have to get into the habit of scheduling time with the people I want to play with. For example, I like playing with my wife Sandy but don’t really get a chance to do it in the apartment. I need to make sure that when we go to some event, I make sure we’ve carved out a little bit of time for just us. The same holds true for other people. I’m definitely going to have to make sure that I contact the folks I definitely want to play with and set up something ahead of time. Even if it’s a one evening party, I’ll say, “Nine o’clock — be ready”, or something equally obnoxious.

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6 Responses to “True To Your Own Expectations”

  1. cassandrapark Says:

    Good points. For me it’s not just being carried along by events, but also not asking for what I want. It’s not easy to ask, especially when you’re a female and want to be spanked — you want the top to ask you (or TELL you — with a few people that works) because that’s part of the fantasy.

    However, the times when I have stopped and said, “If I don’t ask ____ to play and actually schedule a time, the weekend will be over and I won’t see him again for another six months or a year.” Sometimes I say to someone, “We definitely have to play this weekend,” but he or I don’t commit to an exact time … for whatever reasons. I don’t want to seem over-anxious… I’m catching up with friends… I have to meet so-and-so for lunch… etc. etc. On top of that there are the logistics of “if I play with ____ now, I CAN’T schedule _____ the same evening because I’ll be too sore.”

    Lot of things to think about.

  2. . . . .or what Polonius said to Laertes. . .

    • radagast Says:

      Ah, but in that case, the advice Polonius gives is not to be seen as positive by the audience. Where he is basically telling his son to be selfish, I am not. I’m not suggesting that people totally ignore the needs of others but only to not disregard their own for too long.

  3. one persons obnoxious is another’s ominous deliciousness…
    (Re: nine o’clock..be ready)

  4. Wednesday Says:

    I am great at scheduling–lousy at asking for what I want. The scene has spoiled me to some extent by often giving me what I want (you get a rep as a heavy top and soon every spankee who likes it that way is beating down your door…), but I’ve also missed buses. So good stuff to think about.

  5. I don’t think there is a thing wrong with what you are saying. I definitely make it a point, unapologetic, to do what I want to do when at a party. And that means, sometimes, backing off from the crowd a bit (I have a bit of social anxiety) and retreating someplace with one or a few close scene friends. Mingling with the general attendees comes with the formal dinners and vendor fairs.

    That way I don’t feel overwhelmed, or feel like I must please everyone who desires to spend time with me. Maybe this sounds awful, but I do not go for the pleasure of others but for my own enjoyment. And I do not apologize for it either. I LOVE socializing at parties — but on MY comfort level and the only one who can draw those boundaries is me. 🙂

    g.

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