Go Along. Get Along. Get.

Success in the spanking scene is about getting from Point A to Point B. People usually know what A and B are, it’s the “to” part that gets confusing.

Warning: Metaphors have exploded all over this article.

Think of Point A as a streetcorner named Desire. For the most part, you know what you want but this desire sits inside you like a built up storehouse of energy waiting for you to use it to get to Point B, which is the realization of that desire. You can walk, catch a cab or just stand there waiting for a bus. The only problem is, the bus doesn’t stop there, at least not the one you want.

People often mistake meeting their needs or satisfying their desire with the movie version of it. They are waiting for the person of their dreams to come in through the door soaking wet and sweep them off their feet before the credits roll. Face it, it doesn’t work that way. If you’re a person waiting for the perfect play partner like a person waiting for the aforementioned bus,  then it’s entirely likely that you’re not playing at all — in other words, you’re not giving yourself the chance to meet enough people in the hopes of finding the ones you click with.

There’s a huge difference between play at parties and play in private — a huge difference. Party play is like snacking at a buffet. You stand around trying this and trying that, satisfying your hunger informally and hoping you’ll be surprised by the taste of something enough to want more of it. Private play is like a good sitdown meal. Hopefully very satisfying with intense sensations for your tastebuds.

Rigidity, saying “I want this and only this and I will not compromise”, is not a good way to get your needs met because it is too static. You’re constantly in waiting mode hoping that the perfect situation presents itself, rather than seeking it out. I like to play with lots of people, I just do. It’s because I enjoy it but also because I never know when I’m going to meet that person I click with in a meaningful way — a person whose playstyle matches my own in such a way that it takes the play to a different level. If I stand around only playing with those who fit my style exactly (something which I often have no way of knowing ahead of time) then I probably won’t play that much if at all. Styles matching is no guaranty of good play either because other factors might also prevent two people from clicking. It’s a roll of the dice but you have to roll them to get any result at all. I have criteria which I try to stick to when it comes to playing with people but they are not made of granite otherwise I’d have people sending me resumés and references before I played with them so that I could weed out every person who didn’t exactly fit. Not possible and ultimately not fun at all.

And isn’t the point to have fun? At some level, aren’t we trying to have a good time doing what it is we enjoy doing? For goodness sake, I’d get really tired if every moment of play was some life affirming and existential experience. Those moments are good when they happen but I certainly can’t expect that from every single experience. But I have to experience as much as possible to get to those special moments otherwise I’ll still be standing on that streetcorner waiting.

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3 Responses to “Go Along. Get Along. Get.”

  1. Private play is awesome. I love it.

    Party play is most definitely different. I love your analogy about snacking vs. a sit-down meal. The point at a party is to have fun, to try out different flavors, if you will; some flavors are yummy, some are yucky, and some are OK. It’s the trying out that’s fun, and where you learn your likes and dislikes. That’s a good thing!

    As usual, great blog Rad!

  2. Jasmine Says:

    I’m not a snacker. I like a full meal.

  3. @Jasmine – I like a full meal too – but when I can’t get one – I snack!

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