My Impending Video Career

It’s just around the corner. I can feel it.

Sure, it may seem like everyone is making spanking videos these days. You can’t go online or to a party without bumping into someone who has made or is about to make one. Many of these folks are fine upstanding members of the spanking community and their videos are of the finest quality. However, there is one important factor that is missing from the equation: They are not me.

If I had to put my finger on the one quality that I have that the folks in videos don’t, it’s that I have a certain me-ness that encapsulates how uniquely me I am. It’s a quality that is hard to define but screams out at me when I look in the mirror, “Hey, that’s me”. I’m a firm believer that this singular quality is what’s missing in spanking videos these days.

I suppose that the authoratative, intense and intimidating aura that surrounds me are things that might be useful when starring in a spanking video but that’s only window dressing. The main thing that I see lacking in these videos when I watch them is me — I’m not in any of them. What’s up with that? This is the reason I’ve started a major outreach campaign to let the producers out there know about this discrepancy in their productions. By “massive campaign” I mean a couple of emails but it’s a start. I don’t bother them with wordy emails full of stuff you’d see on a resume, I just make the whole thing concise by saying, “Hey, I’m available right now so let me know when you want me to shoot”. Right to the point from the beginning. I even give ’em an added bonus in the postscript by telling them I can raise one eyebrow for dramatic effect. That probably wows them every time.

Now that I’m getting my career going, it’s probably best to think about the rider that I’ll have to send ahead so that my specific needs can be met — it makes things go much smoother.

  • No bottled water. Tap water only in one of those plastic mini pitchers you see at hospitals. Room temperature preferred.
  • Soft oatmeal cookies like you get at Starbucks. I like them heated up but cold is fine as long as they are fresh. If you can’t find them, fig bars are OK. They can be generic store brand — just as good.
  • Red seedless grapes are not essential but I like a little bowl of them — about ten grapes.
  • Sugarless gum to clean my palette from the fig bars. I like that Orbit gum that you pop out of a foil thing. Spearmint only.
  • If I have to write or sign something — blue pen only. I can’t stand black pens because it just looks wrong to me on the page. I like the gel kind most of all and I get to keep the pen.

That’s all I can think of for now but I don’t think that’s an unreasonable list. So now I wait by the open email account for the offers to start popping up. I’m sure some companies will be disappointed due to obvious scheduling conflicts that will crop up but these things happen.

Oh, I also have my own black suit if you need a scene where a guy is wearing a black suit.

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22 Responses to “My Impending Video Career”

  1. ROFLMAO You crack me up!

    I’d totally not be surprised to see a real offer crop up out of this either. Seriously.

  2. Oh my god – I love it! Best of luck in your new career venture! I have no doubt you’ll bring the me factor to everything you do. 😉

  3. munchkin Says:

    I KNEW there was something missing from spanking videos, I just couldn’t put my finger on quite what it was. Now I know.

  4. I don’t know how to tell you this, Rad, but, you’ve changed, man. You’ve really changed. You’re not the same down-to-earth guy I met twice, in passing, at Shadowlane parties, in the past two years. Now, I feel like I don’t know who you are any more. WHO ARE YOU??? *sob*

    I’m sorry. I know you’re moving on to bigger and better things now. It’s selfish of me to expect you to stay the same old Rad – the guy who used feed the ducks in Central Park, and who didn’t care if people knew that he only had one testicle. Just promise me, that you’ll remember the little people, when you are sipping tap water and eating one of the 10 red seedless grapes, oh so juicy. Think about those grapes, like they are the hearts of all the small, unimportant, worthless, disgusting people (who you really never liked in the first place). Don’t squash those grapes, Rad. Don’t squash them.

    • radagast Says:

      I know it’s tough to see people you’ve known change but I want to assure everyone out there that even as I embrace my celebrity, I will never think any less of anyone than I already do.

  5. LOL! ( not original yet somehow original just the same!)

  6. I’m not being facetious but..it must be hard at times being known as a punster/snarkster…and yet also adhering to being a stringent Disciplinarian ….it truly sucks about Micheal Jackson. Sux more than I thought it would for me…

    • radagast Says:

      My funny/snarky/sarcastic persona is what I am in vanilla life and when I’m merely hanging out. However, I think when I pop into serious disciplinarian mode, it tends to jolt people who know me as the other.

  7. Holy Hannah! Our Rad a video star! Who would have thunk it? I’m so excited – I’m saving my pennies now so that I will have the funds to spare for my new favorite video star…who happens to share my penchant for ROOM TEMPERATURE TAP WATER! (That says it all!)

  8. The blue ink only requirement might be the deal breaker.

    • radagast Says:

      That is a deal breaker for me. Black pens (or *shudder* red) are abominations of the highest order. Blue looks much friendlier on a page than black ink.

  9. red sharpie ink took on a new ‘scene’ meaning once Secretary became a well known movie phenom….

    Hey. Good ON ya, Rad!!! I always knew you were destined for greatness!

  10. holy hannah? eek. hannah is my dogs name. I often refer to her as a title with the word hole IN it, however!

  11. Rad when I start my Discipline on a Dime ( Bum Beating on a Budget)production company I will be in touch I could use a man like you who knows what he wants.

  12. Jasmine Says:

    Gel pens are unnaturally hard to write with–why not go back to quill and ink?

    Looking forward to your teaser clip on spankingtube. 🙂

    • radagast Says:

      The gel pens got some getting used to but I like how smoothly it writes. It also uses ink faster which is the reason they were invented, I think.

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