The Limits of Pervy

Sometimes the term “pervy” just doesn’t cover it. Not at all.

It’s one of those words that I’ve grown to dislike over time — sort of the way I dislike the word “tushy”. There’s just something a little bit too precious about that word as if feeling like a  pervert (meant in a good way) is too harsh and the description has to be softened or Disneyfied for a family audience. Personally, I don’t like the cutesiness of the term one bit.

I have thoughts. Some of these thoughts are perverted, some are downright dirty and others are just sick. I have no problem with that at all. For the most part, I don’t feel there is anything wrong with the thoughts I have because they are my thoughts for my own consumption. I’m not ashamed to feel them in any way. That doesn’t mean I go around spewing these thoughts wherever I go — there’s a time and a place for everything. But I don’t feel the need to soften the things I feel in any way by making my kinkiness seem cute because, for lack of a better term, it isn’t cute.

I feel things pretty intensely. When I play, it is not just skipping tra-la through a flowery field whistling a happy tune. I love the heart-pounding excitement of the disciplinary headspace even if it is a somewhat negative place at that moment — and by “negative” I mean that the headspace is not friendly or fun in a traditional sense. I don’t write stories as much as I used to do but when I do put words on a page, it is done seriously. Although my demeanor in life is often joking especially in a wiseass sort of way, the place in my head that is triggered by kinky or perverted thoughts is quite deadly serious.

Perhaps it’s just the fact that on some level I don’t care what people think of me. I don’t trawl for friends or play partners — honestly, I don’t need to. In that regard, I don’t feel the need to present myself in any way other than the way that I am. Some people think of that as intimidating and I suppose that might be the truth. However, when I do think of someone as a friend or engage in play with them, I hope that this other person realizes that I do so because I desire it and for no other reason. I feel similarly about my many flavors of kink. Whether it’s a desire to inflict harsh punishment during a scene or if I’m into enemas or whether I write a story that features things that are pretty “out there”, I’m never going to pretend that I feel any other way whether that means some people like me less or not.

I don’t need to sugarcoat my life — I spent too many years as a vanilla doing that to ever want to go backwards into that mire again.

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4 Responses to “The Limits of Pervy”

  1. You have given me the impetus to write my profile on FetLife and SpankoLife. Whatever people think of me, so be it. Thanks, Rad!

  2. what I find intriguing is that..no matter HOW ‘out there’ we spankos are with our kink..or how vocal, we all KNOW there are the deepest, darkest pervy items stored away in our erotic psyches that NO ONE will ever know about. They are only for ourselves…

  3. I don’t like the term “pervert” either. Something about it just doesn’t sit well with me.

  4. @SD: it’s ‘cuz we’re not! Other people are just BORING! ha ha

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