Too Many Choices

There actually was a time in my life when I just did not have enough options for entertainment. Honestly, I can’t remember that time too well.

It’s not just parties but also and especially online — there really are too many things that can occupy my time. If it was a balance between kinky and vanilla, it would be hard enough. I’m talking about just the kinky part because the vanilla stuff has been left way behind.

Parties are great but fortunately they don’t come around every week — that would be a bit much even for someone as insatiable as me. It’s wonderful to be able to get together with people I know and meet new people who are into spanking and just have plain old fun. I like playing whether it’s privately, at the club or at a party so going to these events allows me to scratch my itch on a regular basis.

Online is a whole other story. Social networking has now become a standard feature of people’s lives. In my vanilla life there’s Facebook and Linkedin — neither of which I frequent all that often. I just set it up to get email notifications when anything changes regarding me like requests or private messages. Right now, I find that my kinky life takes up the majority of my online time in a thousand little nibbling ways. I’ve never really thought about how many things I’m doing on a daily basis while online but here’s a list off the top of my head:

  • This blog
  • Fetlife
  • Shadow Lane message board
  • FMS message board
  • Various spanko blogs I read
  • Frequent chats (SSNY is one I don’t like to miss)
  • IMing with scene friends
  • the new Spankolife (because Fetlife wasn’t time consuming enough)

And that’s not even all of it, only what I can think of as I’m writing this article. There are also the emails I get, usually on a daily basis, from friends and also people reaching out to say “hi”. The emails are less time consuming to me because I can often think for a bit before replying but I always reply so I suppose it does take up time. With all of this kinky related activity, it’s amazing I still have time to play games on my computer (even if they are the casual variety — I have no time to build a galactic empire or go on a quest to find the golden whatsit).

Sometimes I find that it’s so difficult to balance all these kinky things with all the other things I have to do in my life like work and family. The kinky stuff is pure pleasure for me and it’s something I want to do over and over again because of that reason. I often feel like some experiment where my pleasure centers have been connected to a button and I’m sitting in a cage hitting that button ad nauseum to the exclusion of everything else. If I had to put my finger on the obsession I’d say that it was not just because it’s just some undefined and general pleasure but because most if not all of the friends I have now, especially the ones I consider close, are from my kinky life. Keeping the connections going even if it means spending a little too much time in the kinky corner of online life is something I feel I have to do for myself.

Feeling a part of a community means being active in that community but it comes at a cost of time and effort. At least for now, I feel the cost is well worth it. I just honestly hope that Spankolife is it for a while — if it splits off to OTKlife or DDlife or fill-in-the-blank life then that might be one too many for me.


13 Responses to “Too Many Choices”

  1. Hi Rad,

    You accurately summarized a large portion of my life. This online world is a source of great enjoyment, but I often find myself frustrated because there aren’t enough hours in the day to keep up with the responsibilities for which I seem to have signed on.

    Mail is the killer for me. I get a loads of messages and I try to answer all of them (save perhaps the crude, juvenile, and bizarre ones).

    Then there are the blogs. There are so many good ones and I haven’t time to read them all, let alone comment regularly. I don’t want friends to feel as though I am not supportive, but there must be practical limits.

    I’ve thought a hundred times that it would be easier to just shut it all down and walk away. The reality is, that I can’t bring myself to do that. It would be too painful to leave this world and all of the wonderful friends I have made. So I try to cut back my time and reduce my obligations. That’s not working very well. I just signed up for SpankoLife myself.

    As you say, the problem is not only one of balancing kink time with vanilla time. It’s also allocating those precious online hours. Were I too not totally obsessed with all things spanking, this might start to feel like work!

    Thanks for another thought-provoking post.


    • radagast Says:

      Luckily, I am able to multi-task so am able to sort-of keep up with the torrent of stimuli. As for this life we have chosen — I would not give it up at all.

  2. Well articulated, Rad. I often find myself wondering where all the time has gone – and your post answered my question perfectly. (now, off to check out SpankoLife…)*g*

  3. The moment I read the words “Spankolife” I immediately stopped reading your post and Googled “Spankolife.” Is it free. Is it user-friendly? Are many people signed up? These are things I must know!

    • As to the topic at hand:

      Personally, I feel totally out of whack if I spend more than two hours doing social stuff on the computer. I stopped to think about it and realized that I was, at one point, easily spending 2-3 hours almost every single day doing social computer stuff, while I was having less than half that time in real face-to-face social interaction (outside of work). I am trying to reverse that ratio. The only method I have discovered thus far, that is truly effective, to facilitate this change, is to keep my computer in the trunk of my car, so that every time I use it, I have to go to my car to take it out, and then I put it back in the trunk immediately when I am done. This isn’t as big a hassle as you might think, since I only have a laptop and I am always parked right in front of my house.

      Since I keep my own blog, and I try to update it several times per week, I have to set time limits for myself, or there would be no end to my blog-surfing. Because, as I am sure you know, the more you blog, the more you tend to read other people’s blogs, etc. Blogging is definitely a GOOD thing for me, but it can become a BAD thing if I overdo it.

      • radagast Says:

        Everything can be bad if you overdo it — it’s about finding the right balance and that’s different for every person. I feel I can juggle a lot all at the same time so I tend to do so on a regular basis. It gets overwhelming at times but so far not too often.

  4. Rad! I’m glad to have finally discovered your blog. . . . I’ve heard much about it, but hadn’t been able to track it down. I’m glad that I’ve finally done so. . . . I’ve spent hours devouring it, and I love your thoughts, recollections, and style. Thanks for sharing!

  5. Just what Rad needs! Another fan! LOL!

    As I am known as one prone to overdoing EVERYthing..FL is MY drug of choice. I’ve been known to occupy it a time or two. Ha.

    I’d do more but have to vacuum my apartment once in a while…

  6. I am happy to see FetLife is close to the top of the list! :-p

  7. Wednesday Says:

    You turkey.


    Now my list grew by one–Spankolife.

    I will look you up as soon as I am approved. LOL

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