Ships Passing

A funny thing happens on the way to a play session sometimes.

You get sidetracked. I have missed appointments due to getting sidetracked and been “stood up” when the same happens to me. It’s a part of the scene that can get a little frustrating especially when it happens a few times in succession. Plans are made, schedules are checked and intentions are laid bare but unfortunately something gets in the way. That’s life.

On more than one occasion, I’ve heard that the other person thinks that I am ignoring them for a reason — I have felt a twinge of that as well when roles are reversed. All I can say is that if I definitely did not want to play with someone, I would find a way to gently let them know that fact. I certainly would not keep making plans and then break them as a way to avoid potential hurt feelings. I think it’s more hurtful to let something like that linger than to be direct. I would hope that people would reciprocate when the time came. The truth is that with the frenzy of the scene plus adding in the vanilla parts of life as well, it often happens that people just can’t connect even during a long weekend. Unlike the high school analogy that’s been floating around the past few blog posts, the “ships passing” thing doesn’t mean that anyone hates anyone else. At least it doesn’t for me.

That said, it is a juggling act to be able to connect with favorite or new play partners and still have time for activities with your spouse. Sandy and I try to schedule our times apart playing with others to coincide with each other, that way we are both free to do things with each other, too (and not just meals). I’ll have to make sure to be aware of my scheduling at FMS — don’t want to screw anyone else over nor screw myself out of a good experience with people I enjoy playing with.

And I’m having some ice cream sometime as well. It’s a vacation for goodness sake.

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3 Responses to “Ships Passing”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    It’s definitely hard to find time for all you want to do, and everyone you want to spend time with.

    Sounds as if you better make time for the ice cream first. Hope you and Sandy have a wonderful time!

  2. Great post, Rad. I’ll join you with the ice-cream. Do you like oreos on your ice-cream?

    Making time for the SO is very important. It can be easy to think “ah, we get to play together all the time” but there’s so much energy being thrown around at these parties it’s vital to take a little time to reconnect with your VIP and make sure you’re both having a good time.

    It’s so soon! See you there.

  3. I have had appointments broken and, once, I took it pretty hard. So, I totally understand that (a) this is something that happens to everyone and (b) it can be difficult to deal with, for both the person who gets waylayed and the person who is left hanging.

    I have two pieces of advice. To the person who is waylayed – make an effort to call or text the person, or otherwise contact the other party, to let them know you won’t make the appointment. Don’t leave them stood up, without notifying them, if at all possible. Be courteous, otherwise you risk looking like a total jerk.

    To the person who is left hanging – don’t jump to conclusions and don’t make assumptions about the reasons the other party didn’t keep the appointment. You may have to sort it out later, so the best thing is to chalk it up to “shit happens.” Then, go about having a good time. If you let the broken appointment ruin your day (or night) that’s no one’s fault but your own. If later it turns out (unlikely though possible) that you got stood up by somebody that was just being a jerk, then you don’t have to play with that person again. Chances are there is a reasonable explanation and you’ll get an apology sooner or later. Whether or not you continue to enjoy yourself is entirely up to you.

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