Bratting Revisited Again

On my journey in the spanking scene, I have gone from despising bratting to accepting and working with it in the framework of play. Although it’s not the greatest thing in the world, it often is not as bad as I once thought it was. But sometimes it is.

A little goes a long way — bratting, that is. A bit of teasing here or there, a show of defiance or a good natured ribbing are all benign ways for a bottom to say, “What do you want — an invitation to spank me?” It took me a while to pick up on those clues but eventually I did and found that barring any “reason” to spank or pre-arranged scenario, it works well enough for the most part. A disclaimer of sorts: Not all Tops are as dense as me. These days, the only time I have trouble with bratting is when it’s either incessant or completely over the top.

For me there is a clear difference between ribbing someone and mocking or insulting them. Personally, I don’t mind someone kidding or even being slightly insulting in a joking way about, let’s say, some physical attribute. For example, people who know me also know that I’m not sensitive about my baldness. I started going bald when I was 18 and am very comfortable about it. So, if some bratty person makes a remark about it, I can definitely see that as playfully inching towards spanking. However, I draw a clear line when things like this get a bit out of control. Saying to someone, “You know, looking at you suddenly makes me want to go bowling” or “When I met you, I thought you were wearing a helmet”, is a lot different than “Hey, you bald bastard” or simply hammering away at the bald thing over and over like a cuckoo clock striking the hour of Insane. The first will get a person the spanking they are probably looking for, the second will get you put on the “must ignore” list.

On a related point, don’t make me really fight for it. If a person who is needling me is so resistant to the spanking part that I literally have to fight them, fists and all, to get them to comply, it is just not going to work. I play within the defined framework of spanking. A Top and bottom know exactly where the whole thing is headed. It may be a bit of a dance to get there but eventually there has to be some capitulation on the part of the bottom to get to the spanking. Even if someone wants to be “dragged off” and spanked, there is an unsaid reality that they are not truly being taken somewhere against their will. If a person wanted to resist, it would be near impossible for me to get them in a position to spank without expending more energy, both psychic and physical, than I really want to expend.

In conclusion, let me summarize:

  • Bratting is OK as long as I am not called a “bald cocksucking motherfucking douche” or things of that nature.
  • If you’re putting up such a fight that I might need to mace you — I’m not playing.

Now off with you and be lively.

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19 Responses to “Bratting Revisited Again”

  1. sandy richards Says:

    Another great topic, Rad. One that I don’t think gets as much discussion as it should. Different “bratting” styles within the scene affect Tops directly, but they also affect everyone sharing time and space – Tops and bottoms alike.

    Overt bratting is not my style. I don’t insult people. I already worry about every inadvertent slight; I’d never sleep if I intentionally insulted someone. And I don’t slap, pinch, kick, etc. Unless otherwise invited, I keep my hands to myself.

    But I realize that there are many different styles in the scene and overt bratting is a very effective way of getting spanked. And some Tops really like that style of play.

    So I don’t have an issue with women (or men) who brat. But I do have an issue with anyone who brats incessantly. Some, not all, but some of the more overtly bratty bottoms just don’t know when to quit…and that infringes on others’ play styles.

    And I’d have to add that the responsibility to be considerate of others also rests with Tops. If someone is incessantly squirting water, throwing food, slapping, screeching, running, etc., and they get rewarded for it (spanked), then the Top is being just as inconsiderate of others.

    And those who overtly brat need, in my opinion, to remember that Tops have needs and likes, too. So they need to stop screaming, running, etc., long enough to see if the Top looks like they’re actually having fun. I’ve observed that some Tops dealing with bratty brats sometimes look as if they would rather be having root canal.

    Anyway, that’s my opinion. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with different styles of bratting. And if I need to sit quietly while my “sisters” get what they need, that’s cool. But at some point, they need to give it a rest so the brats who are more subtle have an opportunity to do their thing, too.

  2. Nodding along to both these posts–very well put. One other bit of unbearable rudeness from “brats” that I absolutely cannot stand: there have been at least two occasions when I have been calmly standing or sitting around having an interesting conversation with a Top like the two adult human beings we are when a rampaging brat will come flying in like a , sometimes physically situating herself between us and do something bratty–steal a hat, flick water, whatever, practically demanding that the conversation end and she be given her spanking right now, this minute. Rude! I know that play-parties are about play but for some people they are also about building relationships and it’s not fair to act as if our interaction is less important than your spanking.

    And the “fighting” thing is an important point. Everyone has different feelings about it, but I strongly believe that like any other kind of physical play resistance play should be negotiated before-hand. You can’t make assumptions here. I enjoy a good wrastle and like fighting a spanking sometimes, but I save it for the partners I know for a fact will enjoy it as much as I do, and it doesn’t really work at a party anyhow. A little foot-dragging or flouncing is fine, but not WW III. It can also be dangerous…you never know if your partner might have a bad back, or knee or whatever. And as Rad pointed out, didn’t come to the party for a cardio-kickboxing class and would like to ration their energy over the course of a whole night.

    I think there can be a lot of confusion among bottoms about the differences between bratting, age-play, and garden-variety immaturity.

  3. I feel genuinely bad at times for the ” quiet ones” at parties…the bottoms… who sit and wistfully watch all the action and are wanting/longing for a spanking… and can’t get it.. because they aren’t ” telegraphing their needs” enough. They are bemused and perplexed, and…perhaps just dont WANT to resort to the kind of over the top bratting that is actually rather cringe-inducing at times. It’s not everyone’s favorite flavor.

    I agree with you that a little is cute. A bottom who wants attention can be a smidge bratty. But, it’s rude if it is clear that the Top is NOT digging it. ( “over the TOP” having new meaning here, of course)

    IMHO, a Top needs to notice ALL the kinds of bottoms around him/her… and be available, if he is of a mind …. to engage in a much more subtle and genteel kind of banter that JUST might lead up to a most mutually satisfying spanking encounter indeed.

    Its only my preference, but.. when I Top , I find the more ‘shy’ types very appealing. It’s fun to coax them out and get them to “admit” what they came for ( even though we all know what we are there for)

    Never overlook the wallflower. Still waters run deep.

    • gwendana Says:

      Thanks, Lisa,
      for eloquently saying what needs to be said, and thanks for your vote of confidence for the quiet ones and still waters. We’ve met on at least 3 occasions but have never yet succeeded in having a conversation. This is because I am one of the shy ones, but once the ice is broken, I can be fairly confident socially.

      A sad fact is that it remains far easier to make connections with men than to develop friendships with women at a party or the club. Women seem to have a stronger desire to “work the room,” abandoning other women as they seek out men to taunt into spanking them. Nothing much wrong with that; it IS a spanking party after all, but I think both tops and bottoms need to exercise a bit more sympathy or at least understanding of other dynamics at work.

      Thanks again for your input and insight.

  4. Sandy….weren’t we just discussing this exact topic the other night…do you think Rad is tapping into our conversations…lol.

    I agree with most of what is said here. I am not a “brat” though I can be bratty at times. I also do not compete for someone’s attention. Like Caroline stated…if I am talking with someone and a “brat” comes along and vies for his attention…I will take a step back.

    I have no problem with those who do engage in this type of play. (Or any other type of play) as we all have our own style…however, as what was previously stated…when the bratiness spills over to those who are not participating, it can be quite annoying.

  5. scChris Says:

    Having dealt with some brats in the past, I can only echo the sentiment that a little goes a long way. It is endearing, it gets the point of the need across and an excuse to carry out the deed. I have also experienced the bottom who enjoys the struggle. I am a two hundred pound martial artist, and let me tell you, if there is not some compliance then the effort to get a miscreant into a position, and then carry out a spanking can be herculean, if not dangerous. So, to all you who fantasize the struggle, please, negotiate and at some point give in.
    A witty bottom is always a pleasure to play with.

  6. SCChris…SUCH a good, and too often overlooked point! People CAN get harmed or damaged if there is TOO much of a struggle…unless the man is, like, a linebacker and the woman a diminitive waif. Why have to huff and puff and sweat when the BEST ‘exertion’ should be the spanking that both parties are supposedly there for to start with?…

  7. loretta Says:

    It looks like we all more or less agree, bratting is” just not all that” I loved this blog, as I have always hated the bratting thing. but thats just me, and Triple D.

  8. radagast Says:

    I want to make something as clear as possible — I am not saying that all instances of bratting are equal or that all are negative in my view. When I first got involved in the party scene or in online chats, I did not understand the phenomenon and bounced pretty hard off of it. This was due to my lack of tolerance for something I had not been exposed to. As time went by, I got more and more comfortable with the idea of bratting so that it became possible for me to, in effect, play the game.

    I am not saying that all bratting is bad. Most women (or men) who do this are fine by me and I am often amused by the back and forth. I do see that it is a useful tool when a bottom is interested in playing with a particular Top yet has not had the time to build a rapport or friendship with this person. The kinds of bratting I’m talking about are the ones that many of the folks commenting have described as rudeness. Not just a rudeness reflected in ad hominem remarks but a rudeness that ignores another’s comfort and personal space by a show of behavior that says they do not even notice the negative reaction and could not care less.

    • gwendana Says:

      Let me reassure you, I think that you drew proper distinctions and made the point very clear on the first go-round. IMO, bratting is a type of flirting (if it does not go over the top). It annoys me when “brats” take it to the limit of “anything goes.” Frankly, it is a turnoff for me, and I’m not even a top!!

  9. Bratting is like adding cilantro to a dish, a little goes a long way. If the brat has genuine wit, it can be amusing. We couldn’t have made a lot of our videos without deliberately directing some of our spankees to do some bratting, but I’ll never be crazy about it personally. To me, a spankee demurely taking her position over my lap like a good girl that knows she needs to learn her lesson will always be more of a turn-on than having to contend with a verbal fencing match before and during a scene.

  10. Bratting is a way to demand attention. It’s risky, because it may get “good” attention, but it can just as easily get “bad” attention. You can’t have a sober conversation with someone who is bratting. The less you know someone, the greater the need for that sober conversation if you are going to consider playing with them.

    Therefore, bratting will be more successful in more familiar circles, among experienced players who know each others limits, preferences, styles, personalities, and foibles. Maybe the watchwords of bratting ought to be: go lightly and don’t push it. Bratting is not a license to be pushy. It’s not a license to be bitchy, either.

    Some bottoms are quite good at bratting as a kind of seduction. They don’t piss off the Top so much as make him/her want to chase them, put them across his/her knee, and give them a damn good spanking. If the bratting makes the Top genuinely angry or annoyed, that is a MASSIVE FAIL.

  11. I just think a bottom shouldn’t get what he/she wants at the total expense of the Top’s patience and dignity. Ironically, it is reward and not “punishment”. (It’s more like the TOP is being punished, in point of fact!)

    I agree with Tony E that demure can be very sexy and appealing to a Top…

  12. radagast Says:

    Optimally, behavior that is less than respectful should not be rewarded. If more Tops learned to simply turn their back on rudeness, it might send a message. The reality is that there are often enough Tops who simply want to play bad enough that they will reward the “hyperbrats” by giving them exactly what they want.

    To yet refine my point one more time, it’s all subjective anyway. There may very well be Tops out there who are not turned off to the same thing that gets under my skin. So be it.

  13. swfloridabrat Says:

    As I told Indy once, to me what constitutes bratting in the scene would be called witty repartee in the “real” world. Physically assulting people, being deliberately rude and ignoring social conventions are NOT bratting-they are cues that someone does not know how to interact socially…I “tease” people I am comfortable with, not those I do not know.

  14. Great post…this is a subject that is near and dear to my heart. I’ve never gone to a party but in the chat rooms i went to in the beginning of my spanko journey gave me an education in the art of out of control bratting. When i first witnessed grown women slapping people with cyber fish and swinging from chandeliers i was embarrassed for them. It didn’t take me too long to realize that in order to fit in I would also have to enter the world of the outlandish behavior. I have done my time as a brat and really came away feeling a bit disappointed in myself.

    That said i understand the purpose, it’s a way, as has been pointed out, of expressing the desire to be spanked. The problem with that is that when taken to extremes it becomes a form of topping from the bottom, a girl wants to be spanked so she manipulates the Top into giving her what she wants…who is in control of that situation?

    I’m not saying that those who like that arrangement shouldn’t do it, or that any bratty behavior is automatically in this category, but i do think that Tops should be aware that it is manipulation. No matter how well disguised it may be the reality is that contrived misbehavior puts the bottom in control, and if that isn’t something the Top enjoys then the best response is probably letting the bottom know and then ignoring any further examples.

  15. I’m a bit late to the post (followed the link from Caroline’s) but I am glad that I came across it. I think that you and I have a similar approach to this topic, Rad. When I first started in the scene active on a full time basis, the whole idea of bratting completely turned me off. It seemed pretty pointless that if someone needed to be spanked and I wanted to spank them that we would have to go through this charade. But then, as time went on, I realized that I did in fact enjoy bratting, it was just that I enjoyed it on the level that I got from it.

    My idea of bratting was mostly centered around someone being a wise ass. There is very little that can be said to me that I cannot take, however, like yourself, there has to be a limit to that. If I am constantly the butt of someone’s kidding around then I am going to tire of that very, very quickly. A battle of wits is very charming, dare I say that you and I even shared a good natured, high spirited trading of barbs this past weekend. Just as long as everyone is on the same page I totally enjoy such behaviour. The physical aspect of bratting however is something that took me a very long time to come to terms with.

    While I am still not at the level of an all out WWE storyline, I am tolerant of things that are just outside my comfort zone, just as long as it isn’t prolonged and that it doesn’t cross the line of decency. My level of enjoyment is simple, if you want a spanking you will get one, if you can be a real smart ass during it even better, but if it comes to having to give up a little of ones own enjoyment to satisfy a partners enjoyment then I am able to accept that like I would in any relationship, just as long as the person knows that it is a very fine line between me tolerating it, and me being pissed off over it.

    • radagast Says:

      I can honestly say that I like good natured ribbing even when it appears to outsiders as more serious than it is. I find it funny, actually. That said, there certainly does come a point, especially where bratting is concerned, that will make me do the opposite of what is intended by the woman engaging in it. Rather than spank her, I’ll ignore her because of her rudeness.

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