Just Having Fun

That’s what last night was all about for me and what I got into the scene to do – simply have fun.

OTK Night last night at Paddles was quite a good time for me hanging out with my wife and some good friends, all of us enjoying ourselves in whatever way we could. Spanking and more spanking all over the place until 10pm when the regulars arrived. Even though all manner of things were transpiring around me, I continued in my spanking mode for quite a bit into the evening including one sequence when a trio of bratty girls got theirs in quick succession — that was a lot of fun and something the gathering crowd seemed to enjoy. I had fun last night without a lot of the pressures I usually feel at events like this or at parties. Yes, there were people I wanted to play with but did not get the chance due to time constraints but there’s always next time. Even that little bump in the road didn’t affect me by tweaking my penchant for worry.

You never stop learning things about yourself no matter how old you get. I think I’ve spent so much time thinking what I do needs to be earthshattering or be shaded with a degree of importance for both play partners that I’ve forgotten that there are times I need to let myself go and have a good time. I tend to be a pretty intense person no matter what I’m doing. Whether at work or at play, I have a competitive streak that pushes me — not to compete with others but myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform and am always conscious of an ideal that exists in my own head about me. I don’t know why I do this and am loathe to attribute it to my childhood but lots of my “issues” have their roots in my upbringing. Turning my fun times into one more thing I feel anxiety over is very typical of me and a behavior that needs to be softened a bit.

It’s not that I don’t like the intensity of certain kinds of scenes — I do. I also recognize that some things are more to the core of my kink than others. I also now realize that there are times when so much is going on in my vanilla life that it’s nice to kick back and lighten-up when doing something I truly enjoy whether kinky or not.

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7 Responses to “Just Having Fun”

  1. It was an interesting night. One thing I noted was the difference between more of a “generalized” mode of play–and certain moments..whether happening to myself, or as I watched others, that briefly shot to the heart of my kinky “particulars”…

    I can relate to being intense..and making even having FUN turn into a complicated
    “process”.

    (As it turns out , spanking really ISN’T rocket science, is it?. )

    As we were headed back to the subway, my companion me a warning look and a comment along the lines of ” ok..you are NOT gonna analyze every aspect of this night now, are you….”
    Um. Er.. well. Not HERE! ( I did it over at MY blog)

    ps: I, uh.. I HEARD about that trio of naughty, instigating girls! 😉

  2. I really like hearing you write about this. It’s something I struggle with more or less successfully, most of the time. I think I’ve come a long way. I am still capable of Olympic-level angsting but I’ve also found ways to loosen up and when I’m talking to new people on the scene who are wound so fucking tight waiting for that big meaningful experience it’s the fun of the scene I try to emphasize. The head-wrecking mind-fucking BFD scenes are out there and are spectacular and may even be at the core of a lot of people’s kink, but it’s the sheer “good times” fun of it all that has kept me coming back.

    Turning my fun times into one more thing I feel anxiety over is very typical of me and a behavior that needs to be softened a bit.

    yeah, that! I think I’ll always be working on that.

  3. Hi Rad,

    I’ve been curious about your tagline for awhile and now seems as good a time as any to ask. I don’t know whether there’s a quick answer or it would amount to a whole new post.

    “Discipline is a means to an end, never an end in itself.”

    What do you mean by this? Is there a backstory? Does fun figure into your understanding of discipline anywhere? Or is discipline a subset of your interest in the scene?

    Thanks!

  4. radagast Says:

    About the tagline: I suspect it is a bit of Eastern philosophy but comes to me via the musician Robert Fripp and the cover of King Crimson’s album, Discipline. On the back of the album cover, the saying is as follows: “Discipline is never an end in itself, only a means to an end”. I’ve rewritten it a bit.

    I’ve always liked the saying and it’s a bit of an inside joke to use it on this blog considering the subject matter.

  5. I always wondered what the heck that “byline” meant, too. Now I am informed, yet no more clear. Pretty typical, actually. ha .

  6. ohhh..I see. a means to GET to someone’s ” end”..? 😉

  7. Rad, glad to see you’re having fun. I know what it’s like to over-analyze something, and how cool it can be to just let go and enjoy myself. Kudos that you did just that!

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