Friday Spanking Notes

Just a bunch of items that are percolating in my head at the moment. Nothing sanitized or P.C. among them as far as I know.

  1. An interesting thread over at Fetlife about the way that submissive men are perceived by others in the scene. The original post mentioned a stigma about these men seeming “weak” or at least being seen in that light. Much heated conversation ensued but the thread was eventually Godwinized so that was that. My remarks on the subject, unacknowledged due to some obvious oversight in the thread, were that a lot of what people see as weakness among male or female submissives is really those particular individuals that have a certain lack of social grace. The fact is that these oddballs leave an impression on folks — often a particulaly negative one. Unfortunately, there are enough socially inept individuals trying to make their way in the scene that it seems as if these “weak” subs are ubiquitous rather than merely a segment of the whole. I believe that what’s seen as strength in subs or bottoms is merely the fact that these are individuals who know what it is that they want and are confident enough to seek it out.
  2. There are a lot of people out there looking for Mommies these days — both male and female seekers. There are also people looking for Daddies but that’s a whole other subject. However, I continue to wonder whether folks are really finding exactly what they are looking for. It seems that lots of men and women are looking for a specific kind of experience — the loving Mommy that spanks and scolds yet takes their little darling in her arms at the end because everything is all right. They want the domestic Mom without her suddenly becoming the Domme Mom. Are there enough people willing to do this sort of thing? Be Mommy rather than Mommy Dearest?
  3. Emotions can get a bit much sometimes. It’s not something unique to the scene but the intimacy of what is being done coupled with the fulfilling of long neglected desires conjure up layers of feelings that are often a minefield. It happens to everyone, it’s just the way it is. This is a tough one to think out because it’s not like people can avoid feeling things whether they want to or not. The only rationalization I have for the phenomenon is to be very conscious, not of yourself, but of hurting others. The Hippocratic Oath is a good guide: “Do no harm”. The worst thing in the world for me would not be getting hurt myself but hurting someone that I cared about whether it was someone as close as my wife, Sandy, a good friend or even a casual acquaintance. It bothers me if I’ve done it and frankly makes me feel like a complete jackass. Sometimes hurt is unavoidable when feelings are concerned and that’s unfortunate. Be that as it may, take care with other folks when you can.
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3 Responses to “Friday Spanking Notes”

  1. Cool, Rad. Quite diplomatic..not very un “PC” at all. ( to me) —

    When people ask me what I get out of occasionally being a “mommy”..you know what? For as much as I micro-analyze my desires with regards to spanking, et al…I draw a bit of a blank. I don’t know. It isn’t erotic. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it.

    At the risk of sounding much more Mother Theresa than Mommie Dearest ( wire hangers really ARE sub-par:..they stretch garments out in a most unattractive way, and….) never mind.

    I like doing it because it makes the subs happy. Period. It is NICE to fulfill a friend’s fantasy. PLus, I think that THAT particular fantasy is ‘sweet’. I don’t take it for granted when a person puts their trust in me ..and wants me to try to bring their long desired ultra domestic fantasy/desire to life. FRankly, it’s sort of a privilege. The ONLY element that sometimes creeps in from the sidelines is that..I AM a real mom..and dont beleive in spanking real kids. Oh well. Analyze on……

    The “feelings thing”. Wow. Brave of you to even take that on. I have nothing to add..because feelings just ‘are’..and have to be dealt with when they arise. No TRUE friend or even play partner would ever intentionally hurt another. I realy believe that. It can get complicated and a littel bit messy in this scene..but as you said, if everyone remembers the Hippocratic oath.it should all be ok in the end……

    As to submissive men, I have great respect and fondness for them BUT.. it isn’t my particular cup of tea. That doesn’t mean good or bad. It means I enjoy doing ‘my thing’ with Top/Dom guys. But..respecting people, and having friendships trumps mere “playing”…which can, by its very nature, be transient.

    Great blog. WE should all totally remember ” do no harm” , first and foremost.

  2. loretta Says:

    Nice blog Rad, just like lisa, i am not into the male sub. but hey, he’s probably not into the female sub. what I seem to notice about people in the scene for the most part is that they live and let live. Who is anyone to knock someone elses preference. Thats what we enjoy about paddles so much, all the different scenes that are going on. And isn’t it an unwritten rule, that we respect one another, no matter our differences. No one goes to any kink fest to be judged or ridiculed.

  3. I want to adress (1) and (3). I know zilch about (2), but that’s neither here no there.

    re: (1)
    I have been reluctant to own up to my submissive fantasies for exactly this reaon. Yes, I have submissive fantasies. I have some very powerful ones (in the sense that they have the power to excite and arrouse me). Used to be, it would take a lot of marijuana – and probably a couple drinks – to loosen my tongue to talk about these fantasies. (For the record, I am sober as I type this) Lately, I have been thinking about this a lot. I have been thinking that it serves no good purpose to pretend that these desires do not exist, that they are not real. Isn’t that denial, plain and simple?

    re: (3)
    I’m starting to think that, not only does BDSM and “the fulfilling of long neglected desires conjure up layers of feelings,” but in fact, the *primary* purpose people are compelled to engage in BDSM scenes is to bring to the surface layers of deep layers of feelings. Perhaps, it is because these feelings are there inside of us, and because they are so powerful, that is why we do what we do. So, it’s absolutely integral to BDSM scenes that strong feelings come to the surface. Heck, maybe that’s a good thing, or it least it *can* be!

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