Concern Trolls

The scene’s full of them. Don’t like ’em one bit.

What is a concern troll? In Internet lore, it is often a person who outwardly shares the viewpoint of people within a certain group or forum but always with some added “concern”. According to the blurb about the phenomenon on Wikipedia, their ultimate goal is to “sow fear, uncertainty and doubt within the group”.

I certainly see a lot of it online all across the various kinky message boards and forums. The people who are the greatest of downers all under the guise of providing help or advice. It happened to me way back when. Before my eventual permanent foray into the spanking scene, I had the inkling of an idea of pursuing my kink years earlier. At the time, SCONY was the only thing I knew of in the New York area that regularly put on spanking parties. At the time, I was a frequenter of the SSS newsgroup and was foolish enough to ask about the particular event. Several people, all men, offered up some advice of the “do yourself a favor” variety, basically telling me that I would not have a good time and that I would find an unfriendly ratio of men to women. In the end, their advice was simply to save my money because chance of play would be nil. More fool me, I listened and didn’t go. It took me many more years to finally avoid asking anyone and just taking the plunge for myself.

I don’t like ulterior motives and people like the above “advisers” are chock full of them. Maybe they had bad experiences, were embittered and felt the need to spread their depressive attitude in an orgy of wet-blanketry. The fact is that I’m angrier at myself for allowing my naivety to suspend my usual skepticism about taking advice from people I don’t know. This is also the reason I pretty much just forge ahead with things I want to do. I may gain or I may lose but in the end it’s my life and my choice to make whatever the consequence. And nothing gets under the skin of a concern troll than a person doing what they want regardless of the “advice”.

On a related note, this experience is also the reason I’m keen on letting people see things for themselves whether it’s a party, the club or an online forum. My opinions are my own and reflect things that I am personally familiar with including events that have happened in my life. Nothing could be truer than “your mileage may vary” in all things. For example, I chose to take my picture off my front page because of the risk of a Google search directing people in my profession to this site but that doesn’t mean I think other’s shouldn’t have a different privacy threat level. The bottom line is that I’m never going to tell someone not to do a particular thing because it didn’t work for me. Plus, I have no ulterior motives. I will always be glad to tell everyone my motivation up front whether it reflects well upon me or not. That’s called honesty.


7 Responses to “Concern Trolls”

  1. everyone who knows you is the better for your honesty. ( and no, I am NOT brown-nosing)

    I went through something very recently that made me thankful for the blunt and real honesty of friends like you.

    and I loved “orgy of wet-blanketry”. The people like this don’t seem to realize how transparently bitter and/or jealous they are…

    • radagast Says:

      As an added bonus, I always love the (mostly) men who are so concerned about new people in the scene (aka young, cute women) that they are willing to “look out” for them and steer them towards good play partners. Oddly, they always seem to be one of the good ones. How uncanny!

  2. ..or..the assumption that EVERYone is a ‘newbie’ and can only benefit from their counsel. W
    Who died and made anyone an ‘expert’ anyway?
    Thsi is why I don’t like to be seen as a ” mentor” myself….

  3. Bad advice, whatever the intention, is a part of life that appears everywhere. I’ve been told SO many times what the best way is, the ‘way everybody else does it’. If I had listened to these dopes, I would have lost my career a long time ago. “The best way’ is the best way for THEM. And I never listened when I was told that ‘We’ve had plenty of other guys here, just as good as you, and they’ve ALL done it that way.” (I hated that line the most) The reason here is because the person employing me has faith that know the best way to get the job done. And no, these ‘other guys’ are NOT just as good.

    Speaking of SCONY, from what little I’ve observed it’s the women who look out for the other new women who join.

  4. I have nothing to say about Scony. Oops. Just did! hee hee

  5. IrishRed Says:

    As a new person in the scene, I was given advice and counsel. I always appreciated it, even if I didn’t follow it at times, but I’ve never run into anyone I thought had ulterior motives (as far as I was aware). Once I felt comfortable, I relied on my own gut feelings.

    I get the impression that this post, Rad, is more personal than observational, so there’s something I’m probably missing. Because of that it’s hard to speak specifically re any issues, and can only comment that my own experiences with advice or concern have been good, for the most part.

    I’m sorry the bad advice you received kept you from your enjoyment. The good thing is, you found it anyhow … without them.

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