One More Day

I’m excited. With all the stress in my vanilla life right now, I have not needed an event like the upcoming party more than I do now.

I’ve often heard from bottoms that spanking is a stress reliever for them (among other things). I’ve never really thought about it that way as a Top but I guess it is. There have been too many times in my scene life when I’ve let my own mind create stress out of thin air. Early on it was a desire to fit in and worrying whether people would play with me or not. Then it was worrying whether I’d panic at large parties or not. After a while when I saw that I was playing as much as was possible, I started worrying whether I was playing too much or recently that I felt pressured to play. You get the idea — more of my thinking myself to death.

The fact is that I feel that some of my real world stress has really made me turn another corner in my scene life. There’s so much BS that I have to deal with on a daily basis (work and family issues being the worst) that allowing myself to take a break and just have fun should not be adding to my concerns. I’m going to parties because I want to get away from my real world for a few hours and just have a good time whatever that good time entails. No expectations or pre-conceived “issues” — whatever happens happens and I will enjoy every damned bit of it no matter what form it takes.

On some level, I’ve been saddled all my life with notions of not deserving success or happiness or just plain old good things happening around me. These are things that I really need to shed.  I have to work hard allowing myself to enjoy certain luxuries of life “just because”. Like my mother always said, “Life is like a bowl of hummus. Sometimes you dip your pita wedge and take a bite but other times when no one’s looking, you get to double or triple dip”. Now that’s living.


10 Responses to “One More Day”

  1. Mmmmm…hummus and spanking parties!

    … Life doesnt GET much better than that, Rad.

    I really hope the party cheers you up and takes your mind off STUFF. I can’t think of a better ( drug free) remedy, actually.

    My prescription ? Triple dip at the party all you want ! Partake of all that makes you happy. You deserve it.

  2. Oh, I’M double-dipping. No one can stop me.

    (actually, I’m worried about my diet tonight as I’ve been having junk food cravings ALL week). Hummus is good for you but not THAT good. Has a lot of calories. And it gives me gas. To all my tops — you have been warned.

  3. radagast Says:

    To a Top, gas is known as a “hand warmer”.

  4. It sounds all warm and fuzzy when you say it like that! All right — bring on the hummus! (broccoli… beans… cheese…)

  5. radagast Says:

    Hold it now — no one said anything about cheese. Now we’re moving into WMD territory.

  6. MUST ask what WMD is..although I am sure I’ll regret it., hummus produces ass-methane, eh? Whose BRILLIANT idea was it in the first place to sustain people with such at a spanking party?! Rad….??
    Seriously, I would DIE if ‘that’ ever happened to me while playing!! ( as a bottom, anyway) It happened once many years ago with the guy I was Topping ( when I was a pro). When he did that, I beat him harder and upped his fee. Mama don’t play.


  7. radagast Says:

    WMD = Weapons of Mass Destruction.

  8. Got it.

  9. Rad, I just had a revelation reading this. You were a regular guy with a craving who fought through all the anxiety and hesitation of participating, and it appears that you just did it at one point.

    It’s hope for this shy guy.

  10. radagast Says:

    Mvee: That’s most of it, yes. A lot had to do with the fact that I was involved in a long term vanilla relationship (although not a marriage) and did not feel comfortable doing anything outside of it. I suppose I considered it “cheating” although my experiences in the scene have told me that one can do things outside a relationship without it being cheating — whether the spouse knows or not is up to the individual.

    The fact remains that when my vanilla relationship ended, I made the conscious decision to “follow my bliss” (corny as that sounds) and just go for it.

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