Getting To The Point

If I had to give advice to anyone just starting out Topping, I’d tell them that the best way to be good at what you’re doing has less to do with what is happening physically and nearly everything to do with how you approach a scene.

I will put it out there right from the beginning and say that a scene only works when both people understand the progression of events and work towards the inevitable end. It’s about recognizing what it is that both a Top and especially a bottom are trying to accomplish — getting to the point.

What is the point? At its most basic, it’s the spanking itself. That’s the climax of all the negotiations, role play and tomfoolery that leads up to it. However, it’s not just the act, it’s how the bottom wants the act to happen after they’ve gotten their headspace on. It’s also about what a Top is able to provide this particular person and how it fits in with their headspace and desires. For it to work, two people have to be on the same page about it even though they are, for lack of a better word, antagonists.

For example, some folks brat (incessantly) and others are simply argumentative. It’s all about the dance between Top and bottom — the brat doesn’t want to crush the spirit of the Top and the argumentative bottom does not want to win. They are engaging in verbal play to get spanked and if they “win”, they did not get to the point. Perhaps it’s their fault for trying a little too hard or perhaps it’s the fault of the Top for not being assertive enough and forcing the issue. In any case, what was “supposed” to happen, didn’t, so the scene is a total and utter failure.

People who like to be spanked want to be spanked and people who like doing it want to spank them. That’s as simple as I can put it. A bottom going over the top with their antagonism is a bit off the road map as is a Top that shows up ready to spank without even the slightest back and forth or the one that walks away at the hint of resistance. A balance is important but I think it’s important for a Top to realize that when they are already engaged in the pre-spanking sparring that goes on between people, it’s safe to assume your opposite number is giving you the green light. If they are not, then they are just plain mean and rude but I’ve found very few people like this in the scene over the years.

Not all spanking play takes the same route. Some people just like the physical act without all the trappings and struggle that some others go through — that’s fine. Suffice it to say that it’s really not that hard to know what sort of person you’re dealing with when you meet them. Their actions and your reactions will paint the picture.

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2 Responses to “Getting To The Point”

  1. This WAS so refreshingly to the point, Rad. Really. And it’s amazing…as I was going to ( will) blog about SUCH a similar theme. 🙂
    Coinkindink? I think not.
    I think one of the things THIS budding “Top” needs to remember is to relax, and go with the flow. I truly believe the BEST scenes can’t BE fully planned or mapped out. Communication beforehand? Oh, absolutely! A “script”…not so much.
    There is so very much to be said for spontaneity..that DANCE you mentioned….the give and take when both parties minds are open..and naturally…both parties KNOW on whatever level(s) that the end result is…what else….a spanking!

    Just as a bottom doesnt have to worry about “being good at what they are doing” ( maybe just worrying about how her panties look or whatever…) a Top should do what comes naturally.
    Practice makes perfect, I guess…and a Top can definitely ‘learn’ from the bottom partner…but if two people like each other enough to want to engage in spanking play to begin with …half the battle is won.

    Being a switch should actually serve to make the whole thing easier for me…as I DO know what I seek out in a Top..and backing down is SURELY not on of those things! So..if I call my self a Top–temporarily or whatever–and a bottom is around me and is being a brat..then yes..she damn well knows she is going to get spanked. My theories need some fine tuning, and I am sure there will be some missteps along the way..but, the dance is still what it is..and it is good. Thanks so much for your good ‘mentoring’. I personally appreciate it. Really.

  2. For me, this was a quite informative post. Your comments about the “dance” and verbal play helped so much – I have had trouble figuring out the ‘bratting’ phenomenon, and yours was a great intro to this type of pre-play game. I now even understand why there’s so much teasing in the chat rooms – it must be practice of sorts.

    Thanks.

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