From Whence It Came

Last time I talked a bit about fantasies and the fact that I’ve had a lot of them for a long time. Where my kink itself came from is another matter entirely.

I’ll state it up front that I have no idea, not even a clue. Growing up, I was not exposed to corporal punishment either in my own life or from seeing it around me. I went to grade school in an era where things had already gotten pretty progressive so there was no corporal punishment there. The reality is that thinking back, I’ve had an interest in spanking as far back as my memory goes.

I’m sure many people who are in the scene on whichever end of the spectrum had some exposure to spanking in their lives — whether from being spanked themselves or seeing others get spanked. I can understand someone who likes to be spanked eroticizing that which they themselves had or wished they had. In my case, being a Top, I can’t for the life of me imagine what it was that triggered my desire to spank or to dominate others. My father was not a mean person and was actually quite gregarious and accomodating. Both my parents did not use physical punishment against us preferring ridicule and guilt as a way to psychologically scar their children. None of the other males in my family were physically abusive (as far as I was aware) nor were any of my friends spanked. So it’s not as if I was emulating anyone I knew of in any way.

Barring some repressed memory, which I highly doubt exists, my only conclusion is that it was somehow spontaneous and clicked into place as a combination of a bunch of things in my head. It makes me wonder if sadism of whatever level is something that just “happens” in certain people after their brain creates one type of fold or crease over another. Take one part sadist or dominant and mix it with an ass freak (which I am) and you have someone who likes to spank. That is quite possibly the only way I have to explain why I’m interested in doing what I do. It’s not that it really matters because in the long run it’s about scratching an itch I have but it makes me wonder what made me itch in the first place.

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9 Responses to “From Whence It Came”

  1. I think there is a biological componant at work here. The “bottoms” I know all have one thing in common: they love having their bottoms stimulated. The Tops I know all share the same love of the hieny. This is the common demoninator, IMO. What accounts for one person having a more or less actively erogonous posterior than another? Could be in the DNA.

  2. female bottom Says:

    Hi Rad, I’ve been enjoying your blog for the last few months.

    I’m one of those who has always yearned for bottom stimulation and thought incessantly of spanking from an early age. To tell the truth, I am much more interested in spanking than in sex, and am not really comfortable with what seems to be the common division of spanking into either disciplinary or erotic. Is it weird to just enjoy being spanked without wanting sex?

  3. Quite frankly, Rad, it’s fascinating.

    I also have no idea why I deeply love to be spanked/dominated…why it feels no ‘natural’ to me.

    There were a few rare instances of the random ” whack” as I was growing up..certainly no formal, ritualized spanking. I remember a playful reference once about it..from my dad to my mom. I was threatened by my dad a couple times..but it was never acted upon. I TRULY didn’t want it, either. I wasn’t even curious. However..why did I THINK about it so much? I DID want it..but certainly not from my parents. I fantasized caring yet anonymous authority figures..male and female. My memory goes way back…WELL before adolescence. I remember spanking games on the playground in second grade. I remember sleepovers, playing house..and someone was always spanking/being spanked. Why this domesticity…when none of us ever saw it? Curious.

    I remember enacting storybook scenes with my young cousins. and my aunt hearing us, rushing into the room , and putting a stop to it VERY quickly. Hence: GUILT associated with desire. Guilt leads to the furtive seeking out of a release? I don’t know. What I find the most amazing THESE days is that it’s still as naughty and forbidden and delicious now..as the fantasies were in my youth and young adulthood.

  4. radagast Says:

    SD: I’ve always believed in proclivities based upon brain chemistry/makeup. Doesn’t mean that one becomes what they are leaning towards but it does give a “push” in that direction.

    female bottom: Thanks for you comment. I spank people because I like the act itself and the headspace it provides. It does turn me on but that doesn’t mean I’m compelled to have sex because of it.

    Lisa: I think some of the “forbidden” nature of spanking or other kinds of alternative erotica provide the doers with an extra level of excitement.

  5. Ooooo. I am constantly forming theories and discarding them and coming up with new theories. My latest is that we had to grow up too soon for some reason and so we’re making up for lost time. The one BEFORE that was that we were ritualizing and acting out childhood in some idealized fashion–the way is should have been. By age 8, I was fantasizing about belonging to a family of super heroes and getting in super trouble, being spanked and then being brought back into the fold, and showered with love (of course!). Sex never figured into it.

    In real life, I was spanked infrequently, and I don’t think I was ever spanked for a good reason. The only spanking I can remember happened because I had a nightmare and ran to my parents’ bedroom, waking them up in the middle of the night. They were not pleased.

  6. Ohhh Jas! Thats a terrible reason for a kid to get spanked for real!

    Childhood ‘abuse’ of any kind pisses me off no end ( not saying you were..) and thats another reason why I often puzzle over this scene.

    I never believed in spanking my own kids. But..I do have this total ” inner kid” thing going on …..and ‘she’ needs TONS of spankings and time outs.
    I agree with Jas also about the idea of an idealized childhood factoring into this kink. . I used to watch The Waltons, and Little House on the Prairie, etc.. and being tight within the family fold meant getting corporally punished. It all just seems to gel as the years add up..and then it forms a solid….like an actual PART of the brain.

    Honestly..? I don’t think any of this will ever make perfect sense at all. Good thing I don’t care anymore! 🙂

  7. I think that it’s has to do with power. In the child’s world spanking is the manifestation of adult power. There were plenty of images around when I was a kid to reinforce this. There were also plenty of images of sex being a power play. Somehow the two got associated.

  8. MVee, that made a lot of sense….

  9. I have a theory. I think there might be a genetic propensity for being fetishistic that some of us are born with. But what specific fetish we get is imprinted on us at an early age based upon events we either experience or witness.

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