Wait A Minute…

There is an “I” in marriage. There goes my original title.

Scene relationships…blah, blah, blah. Scene marriages…blah, blah, blah. OK, now that all the clichés are out of the way, I want to mention one of the things I love about my particular brand of scene marriage.

Although we are both in tune with what we want as individuals and as a couple, there is a concern with both of us that the other person is having good experiences in the scene. I don’t want Sandy to feel uncomfortable or unfulfilled when involved in spanking or other BDSM activities (or the lack thereof). I also know that I am capable of certain things but not others. For example, I like disciplinary spankings and pretty much spanking in general — you can include adjacent things like caning, flogging, etcetera in that as well. However, bondage just doesn’t do it for me mentally. Sure, I can understand the control aspect of it and that has some appeal to me, but the headspace that a true practitioner of the bondage arts has is lost on me. Tying someone up just doesn’t do it for me because my head is so wrapped around the “authority figure” type of scene — I could do the bondage mechanically but I don’t think that’s what the other person would find appealing.

This is why I don’t take issue with my wife seeking these things out — I really don’t. If she finds someone she enjoys playing with who can do something that I cannot, who am I to say “no” to her enjoyment? Everyone can’t be everything all rolled into one and I certainly am not. I know my limitations and am comfortable with them. As time goes on, I can certainly change. I might become interested in things that I would not have been a year before. However, until that happens (if it does), I don’t get in the way of my wife seeking out things. Plus, I leave the choice of play partners up to her (although I might take some issue if it was someone I despised for a personal reason).

This post was actually prompted by a brief exchange the other day while we were in a particular coffee shop empire’s store. Sandy was concerned whether I was enjoying playing with other people or whether I was somehow doing it just to do it or because I felt pressured. I assured her that I don’t play with people I don’t want to play with — a choice that is almost entirely based upon my sense of play compatibility with the other person. The thing that stuck with me was that what she said was nice. I like the fact that she not only doesn’t mind me playing with others but that she wants me to be happy doing it and vice versa.

The great thing about the fact that we are in the scene is that we both can look out for each other in this lifestyle that we hide from family and vanilla friends.


4 Responses to “Wait A Minute…”

  1. If we don’t look out for each other, who will?

    Thanks for writing this, Babe.

  2. That is because you and Sandy are mature adults. And actually this aspect of your life that I think is great…I think any couple that realizes that they can’t be EVERYTHING for the other person…is that much closer to that person. That goes even outside of scene stuff!! Hope all is going well with your Mom!

  3. I think your scene marriage is a wonder.

    To want someone else to BE happy ..no matter what .. even if it doesnt always necessarily involve “you” is the definition of real love, if you ask me. This scene is SO about self expression..about not always looking at each other..but standing together..looking in the same direction. (I paraphrased Gibran there. )

    To overcome jealousy and insecurity in my own life..and in this scene, is a huge personal goal of mine.

    It simply doesnt “take away from” your play with one person…to play with another. That takes a while for me to wrap my stubborn mind around but, I am getting there. NO two scenes are alike. They are as unique and as individual as each and every one of us are….

  4. your mutual love and caring is quite evident and beautiful!

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