Talk Day

I actually have to get to work putting together an outline for tonight from all the notes that we’ve made. Nothing formal — just a guide to get us from beginning to end and keep us on topic (with the occasional and unavoidable sidetrack).

Everyone gave us good suggestions, many of which told me that certain topics are more important to most than others. The ones that we’ll try to focus on are probably the notions of jealousy/envy and balancing a kinky life with the mundane aspects of a relationship (married or otherwise). These things seem relatively important enough that they might draw other folks into a conversation which is something I would like rather than it being us talking “at” people (assuming anyone shows up).

Most of all, this talk is going to be about addressing issues and telling people that it’s very possible to be married or in a relationship and still be active in the scene. I’m still looking for my little digital voice recorder so I can use it tonight. The quality is not so hot but I can listen and transcribe portions.

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6 Responses to “Talk Day”

  1. again, I just so wish I could be there….but, I am sure you will be great…relaxed and adept…and bring a lot of light to a topic many couples in the scene probably grapple with.

    I sometimes feel one shouldn’t even leave the house without a shrink..even in the most ‘normal’ of circumstances…but, when it comes to kinky interests and lifestyles? The fact that anyone can find the ‘balance’ in all of it is truly staggering to me.

  2. Good luck!

  3. I know this is a bit late–sorry. The question I always get tagged with is the punishment thing (ie: why are you using something the person *likes* as a discipline. That Doesn’t Work ™).

    Hey we both know it does. Anyhow, maybe not an issue with your audience, but with the M/s crowd I run with it always comes up.

  4. I wouldn’t mind hearing the audio of your talk. Most of the people in the scene, who I know, are single or unmarried. It couldn’t hurt to get some perspective from married vets such as yourselves.

  5. We couldn’t find the recorder, so the talk is lost forever. I thought we did fine, although didn’t really manage to fill the entire hour. There was some audience feedback, which was nice. Most people liked hearing about the jealousy issues, and dealing with guilt, and finding the courage to have difficult conversations. People always say, “Communication is key to a relationship!” — but there are reasons why it’s sometimes hard to communicate — you don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings being one of the top ones.

    Rad joked about us having a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy — what it comes down to is I’ll tell him I’m going to play with someone else, but he doesn’t want details. I think it’s easier for me to hear about his adventures. The times when I feel jealous are usually when I feel I’m not getting enough attention, when others are eating up his time. I believe that’s MY issue, MY insecurity, that I need to work on. At parties, especially, if one of us is off playing, the other has to go find friends to hang out with, or take time by herself to nap, write, go swimming, go work out — whatever.

  6. […] briefly mentioned it here but I wanted to expand a little on how it went and what we spoke […]

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