Mind Reading

I can meet someone for play and have the uncanny abilty to immediately know what they want and how they want it — an inate talent to ferret out their fantasies and make them realities.

OK, now that that’s out of the way, follow me for the truth.

The fact is that there is no such thing as mind reading — it is a trick based on observation and subtle manipulation. The people who are good are the ones that can do it without the other person noticing that it’s happening.They use generalizations and visual clues then mask questions in normal conversation to get a picture of the person they are speaking with.

Lots of people who want their play to have a very organic and uncontrived feel to it often fall into the behavior of wanting the other person to guess what it is they desire. Although a certain amount of guessing might be possible based upon the common denominators of the spanking world, I find that I need some sort of feedback from the person I’m playing with so that I know what their particular variety of the kink is and whether it’s a good fit for mine.If I don’t think a particular scene is something I can do nor enjoy, it’s probably best to realize that before I agree to play.

My idea of play is that the scene doesn’t start until it does. In other words, I don’t walk around the real or virtual worlds behaving like I’m everyone’s Top or Dom. Even if someone is a potential play partner, I can only treat them like any other person I would meet, having the kinds of conversations that one has with people except that eventually the kinky stuff will come to the surface to be discussed. It’s during those times that I find out a lot about the other person because I am willing to reveal much about myself. I’m very open about my kink with people who are willing to listen and enjoy sitting back and listening to what they have to say. It is the natural order of conversation that allows two people to create a rapport if one is possible.

I don’t talk to people in a “listen young lady, blah-blah-blah” unless there is already an understanding between us that play extends beyond the times when we are in the same place at the same time. Personally, I think it’s disrespectful to assume a relationship where none exists — plus the fact that it’s much more interesting for me to have real conversations about every day and scene subjects than to immediately jump into some play mentality right off the bat. That may be fine for some people but my way gives me more info in a relaxed and non-threatening way.


10 Responses to “Mind Reading”

  1. Have you been subtly manipsmating me?

  2. I’ve always thought that it must get a little tricky and frustrating at times for Tops… because “we” DO seem to so often want/expect you to be mind readers. That isn’t fair or realistic.

    It’s a VERY subtle dance, ..an art.. a knack… , like you said.. for ” reading” people .. for being in tune enough to pick up on others’ cues. It’s about being a good listener. Some people give few or NO cues. I have actually observed this.. and was VERY intrigued by what the outcome would be!!

    Personally, I think of myself as an open book. Tops seem to really know when I am needing some “centering”….of a certain physical type!

    Other times…. it’s a big pas de deux of “no meaning yes”…. etc..
    which of cousre, doesn’t fly in the non kinky world. Talk beforehand is crucial.. but, what DOES one do if the potential partner isn’t INTO talking? If he/she is very shy, and just needs to be READ? Thats why people respect and admire a ” good” Top. The ability to, perhaps not mind read.. but be very sensitive and instinctive. (Yeah, RAD.. talkin’ about YOU here! )

    It’s about communication. Always has been, and always will be.

    I remember once ( ok.. maybe twice!) .. my wanting to really resist.. really try to act like I didnt want a spanking .. and .. lo and behold.. he let me! Bummer!! He was like ” Oh.. Sorry…” and let me off the hook.! Not fair! ( But.. to him or me?) The poor dear was relatively new.. and wanted to be ” the nice guy”…. after hearing stories about brutish players at parties.

    I don’t know… I just walked away quite cranky.. wishing he “knew” that I wanted him to INSIST. I would have had to have told him that…in SOME way beforehand.. and, I didnt. Oh well. ( I have since made up for this experience.. to all concerned about my spankee sense of well-being! . LOL!)

  3. Sandy.. you have a gift for the succinct. I had to LOL at my long and winding road of a post following yours. 🙂

  4. I really like men who are mindreaders. That is my preference. Honestly, it has taken me years to overcome the “if I have to ask then I don’t want it anymore” mentality. Yes, I want them to read my mind. Yes, I want them to just know. Okay, I lied, I never got over it. I did, however, realize how stupid it is.

    I don’t want to explicitly state what it is I might enjoy because I don’t want the potential partner to say “that is exacly what I like, too” (amazing how often that happens). I always wonder if I had given the totally opposite answer if that is just what they are into, as well.

    Basically, if we do have similar interests, it is all good. But the thought of someone playing in a way that really isn’t their kink just to be a compatible play partner with me bugs me a lot. I want it to be fun and fulfilling for both parties involved.

  5. “manipsmating” – OK, Sandy…I admit I went to three (3!) online dictionaries looking for this word…and have since figured out that it’s meant to mean he’s been ‘manipulating his mate'(?). You word people just crack me up!
    (Lisa, your post after your post after Sandy’s was so funny!)

  6. Regarding the word “manipsmating”:

    It has its origin as a malaprop spoken by Tawana Brawley, whose accusations of rape against an Upstate New York politician made the career of Al Sharpton (among others). Sandy was introduced to the word by me after I was introduced to the clip of Brawley saying the word during a news conference by the Howard Stern show.

    And there you have it.

  7. Okay, that’s really weird. I was talking about Tawana Brawley not two hours ago .

    Given the topic, I can only say that sometimes I kinda, sorta wish someone could read my mind and give me exactly what I want, because I’m not very good at discussing it like a business proposal. The itellectual side of me understands the need to discuss and the unlikelihood of mind-reading, but the emotional side of me would like to be spanked exactly as I need by someone who understands me perfectly without having to be guided a bit.

    And then I usually wake up.

  8. So, I was having a conversation, in Orange County, about mind-reading, not long after you posted this. Coincidence?

  9. Rad, I really appreciate this sentiment. When I was first starting out in the scene I didn’t understand how you could switch the scene on and off. I was encouraged in this by the type of Top who wants to be Top everywhere all the time, but it was my own misunderstanding of the fantasy/realism balance that started it. Because of this, I’m sure I had my being-really-annoying moments, and I also had my share if disappointments, because I didn’t know how to communicate my desires for play without feeling like I was going to be guilty of that dreaded topping-from-the-bottom business I’d read so much about…I couldn’t just type “OOC” in front of what I was about to say, because, well, I wasn’t online.

    I like to think it didn’t take me that long to get over that, but it’s only been very recently that I’ve begun to make the distinction in my mind. I think it’s my relationship that helped me make the leap, because while we do some real-life stuff, switching back and forth from every day “Aw, Frank, you let the dog out again, jesus!” to “Yes, Sir!” communication on such a regular basis normalizes the whole thing. I relate to Frank as a partner and an equal 80% of the time, and as a Top for the 20% where we’re engaged in some kind of play mode. I think I’ve been able to move this dynamic to my platonic play partners, as well.

  10. PS: “the type of Top who wants to be Top everywhere all the time” is no one particular guy, it’s an amalgamation.

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