A Couple More Things

Just two quick hits this time about a couple of things.

  1. What’s with the angry and demanding Doms? I have lots of female friends and to a person they tell me about men that contact them and immediately behave as if they should drop everything they are doing and fall at their feet. Maybe I’m conservative but what happened to introducing yourself, getting to know someone, finding out if their kink matches yours and maybe then getting involved in some sort of BDSM related activity. Are there really people out there that think just walking into a room, calling someone out or IMing them is enough to make women swoon at their Domliness. The thing that I find most disturbing about these men (and I have to say here that they are quite in the minority) is that they seem to have some underlying problem with women.  It’s a deep and abiding anger that manifests itself in the way they see anyone they contact as immediately subservient sans consent and get abusive when the person they are contacting says, “No thanks”. Jerks.
  2. I understand that people want to carve out a little niche for themselves and perhaps even feel somewhat important — honestly, I have no problem with that at all. People should feel important because on some level they are just for being here. The problem is when this perceived importance begins to intrude on enjoyment of others and the quickest path to that enjoyment. I don’t think that anyone I know invented spanking. I don’t think  they invented the idea of people getting together at these things called “parties” where they can spank and be spanked. Unfortunately, some folks nitpick little aspects of the spanking world and use them to exert some strange authority. If I decide to hand out pens with the name and date of a certain event or hand out little memento chocolates with special wrappers, someone will undoubtedly come along and say, “I’m the one who thought of pens two years ago so don’t hand out pens”. I’m not talking about stealing the name of someone’s company or their identity or any copyrighted material, simply trying to make a special occasion a little more special in the easiest way possible. If someone is getting their toes stepped on by the handing out of pens or pot holders or whatever, then they really need to lighten up.

10 Responses to “A Couple More Things”

  1. It’s cliquey-ness in one of its more petty forms, I think. Everyone wants to be the ‘star’ or the hero..and I guess that’s part of human nature. I used to be really insecure about perceived “desirability” in the scene…till I learned to just relax and have fun, and expect things..but not expect too much.
    I think the parties really have to be seen as just a way to relax and have fun….
    it sure as hell beats a lot of other things I could be doing on a weekend!

    As far as this small epidemic of ‘angry doms’…sigh., I am tiring of it, too. They definitely come across as thinly veiled women haters..or at least schoolyard bullies. I will NEVER forget the totally emotional hot mess of a guy I FIRST played with..like, EVER.. and he HATED me for “rejecting” him. I mean SCREAMING at me on the phone, crying, etc. It was unsettling, to say the least!
    For my part, I’d like to add that I am still sick of ‘in- yourface stare at my package” avatars…. I suppose some women want to see that, but…I am WAY more about the brain,smile, firm right hand….

  2. WILL there be pens and pot holders at the next party? 🙂
    Jules? I thought it was just hummus for all!
    where do I get in line?

  3. I was going to do pens and potholders Lisa but then certain people would bitch that I stole their idea. I’d like to avoid the drama. Instead, I’m handing out SSNY Doyley’s! I did some research and I’m pretty sure no one ever did that before. If you want a complimentary doyley come see me at the party. Also, someone staked a claim on hummus too, so I”m roasting a pig over a fire.

    It’s hard to be original in this scene.

  4. Do you find these poorly-behaved people at the exclusive clubs you got to, or only at the clubs that just admit anybody?

    From reading this blog, it seems to me that there just aren’t enough exclusive club nights, and that you have to go more times that you may want to the admit-anybody clubs, which let these jerks in.

    My suggestion – minimize the amount of messages that you post about the obnoxious people, and replace that effort with a discussion of how to best organize a proper private club.

  5. MVee:

    First of all, the “club” that admits these people is online. It is unfortunately a place where people can hide like the cowards they are behind layers of anonymity and behave as rudely or imperiously as they like. It’s sad, really, that people who call themselves “men” need to behave like the worst sort of vermin but the online world is full of many sorts of undesirable and craven curs — isn’t it?

    Your suggestion is taken under advisement but I think I will simply continue to write what I like, when I like. That’s a much better system for me.

  6. Apparently there ARE enough obnoxious people posting ( own a mirror?) The haters and ” Bitters” are so embarrasingly obvious. Why don’t you go to a club of your own making, ” MVee”, where you can be the King, AND only patron. Believe it or not, everyone else really DOES just want to have a good time…

    Love ya! mean it! 🙂

  7. Jules…a roasted pig, huh? Hmmm..is that up to fire code standards? I’d check if I were you …..
    leave the reddening flesh and squealing to us humans! I wonder if there will be any…?

  8. Best I can tell from reading, the scene is like an episode of Seinfeld. Except it doesn’t end after the laughs; people’s strengths and weaknesses play out, and demanding or high-maintenance people don’t stay in their own sandboxes, like we wish they would. Do you suppose the Soup Nazi was an angry dom?

    Not to make light, I know how serious an angry dom-gone-bad can be. If your instincts are telling you to run, that’s a strong message. Consider cutting off all contact immediately. You need to feel safe and secure, even while you fear discipline. A healthy relationship/play partner/friend makes you feel safe and secure (and warm and glowing) even when it might look severe and frightening to the outside world.

    (Sorry to be so preachy. I hope I haven’t lost my posting rights.)

  9. 1. Well, you confirmed my suspicion that these folks are online. I am no expert in the OL scene–but it seems to encourage a fantasy world with some people. That and the entirely socially inept and/or deranged hide out online because they get their tails kicked if they venture out of doors. But you knew that.

    2. Dog breeders are the same damned way. So are cat breeders. Is this a general human “club” dynamic?

  10. @Jas, ….safe and secure and warm and glowing, severe AND frightening…? Now THAT would make a delicious stew from the angry dommy soup nazi! Recipe for success!

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