Discipline Should Hurt

If it’s supposed to feel real, shouldn’t it hurt?

I wrote something over on Fetlife as a response to a thread about spanking techniques and it got me to thinking about the type of spankings I most enjoy giving which are discplinary in nature. Lots of bottoms talk about warm-ups or easing into the severity of a spanking but I’m of a mind that if something is supposed to be disciplinary, those concerns don’t really play into the scene.

If I was spanking someone the way some authority figure would spank someone in their charge, if I was that person in my mind, then I would not be considering the notion that I should “ease” into anything. The punishment spanking should be painful from the outset for maximum mental effect. The person should be “shocked” into being sorry for whatever it is that they have done. For me, that’s the best way to get a person into the type of headspace that makes them feel like a person actually being disciplined even if it’s just a role play or spontaneous scene rather than real discipline.

I have nothing against sensual spankings or “good girl” spankings or any of the other ways that people play. Those are all well and good for the type of scene that is about sensuality. I’m talking about the authenticity of discipline. If I start slow and build up, whether it’s physical or emotional intensity, it is less authentic than spanking hard from the outset. If I am scolding someone angrily, I don’t ease into the scolding, I do it at the proper level that is called for from the moment the scene starts. That’s also the reason why a punishment spanking is not given by me as if I’m trying to break a record for length of scene because if I truly was punishing someone, it would last as long as I thought it needed to last and sometimes that’s not that long at all. Unless the Top and bottom are hard players and both have the endurance to go a long time, a real punishment scene usually can’t last as long as a more sensual one.

I have to stress that this is why it’s really, really important to know your play partner ahead of time. I would never be able or willing to engage in any of what I’ve mentioned without knowing that the person wanted or desired this sort of play — which is often the reason that the first time I play with someone is often much lighter than than I’m capable of. I have to be sure we’re on the same page to even go there at all.

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14 Responses to “Discipline Should Hurt”

  1. I totally agree. It’s really scary to go through that, but fear is part of the turn on for me.

  2. Wednesday Says:

    Yep. I have a bunch of different categories for scenes, including the disciplinary category (which I do as you describe). If they can’t tell me what they want, or if they want it, we keep talking.

  3. I never get a warm up, or any ‘luxuries’ during punishment spankings. Even during regular old ones, when I gasp, etc. Max says “Well, you wanted a spanking” and keeps right on going!

    Warm ups and easing in aren’t for punishment. Maybe a hand spanking (not soft!) before a more harsh implement, but I am rarely afforded even that.

  4. Yes. Is should hurt.

    I’m surely one who appreciates your take on disciplinary spankings. I crave that authenticity. I want the scolding to feel real, I want the spanking to feel real, even if it is all roleplay. I want to feel the fear Sandy mentions.

    I don’t play with many people like that, but boy when it works it’s such a … I don’t know if high is the right word but it fills some sort of need in me that I can’t fully explain.

  5. Well, yeah, I get what you’re saying. It’s spot on. This doesn’t negate or dissipate the part of my brain that goes “Gyhaaaaaaahhhaaaa,” or the apologies, pleas and unintelligible mutterings that seep from my lips. Because…owwww.

  6. I haven’t been very bold about playing scenes like this with the intensity the rest of you describe, so what I’m about to say may change over time. I find a strange duality in feeling on the one hand every bit the the schoolgirl (always rebellious so far) and on the other, an adult who is fully aware of the game, able to appreciate being expertly played by the top, and fairly aware of her level of arousal. This duality doesn’t bother me at all, though I am curious about achieving more “pure” (for a lack of a better term) headspace.

    Haron of the Spanking Writers described a very compelling scene like that recently: http://www.spankingwriters.com/blog/2009/01/21/schoolgirl-against-teacher/

  7. Fear is hot. I am always trying to ‘sort out my feelings’ at that moment..but I “like” how I am not in control of them.. the emotions and reactions. Anger, fear..all of it. There is definatley room on my personal spanking ‘menu’ for the other types.. but…. yes…the scary discipline ones are always the main course. Not that I deserve them, or anything…..

  8. For me, discipline is more about the head than the bottom. I am not saying that the spanking part should not hurt. But basically, for me, discipline means I really have been a “bad girl” and have crossed the proverbial line in the sand, and that is much more compelling to me than the pain level. THEN comes the fear. And then the pain. But without the first two, the pain really doesn’t mean anything to me.

  9. I’m starting to cater to the notion that discipline doesn’t necessarily require intense pain, either. It’s, at it’s root, challenging and corrective. Pain is a vehicle to the proverbial attitude adjustment, but it’s not the only way to get there.

  10. Dawna, I like how you put that.

  11. Ive never had the type of discipline spanking that starts out slow or builds. I only learned about that when I started being more social and meeting other people and then playing with those people.
    Discipline spankings are not all about the pain either. Ive heard many people say that they were crying even before the first spank. I know I have on occasion.
    For me discipline spankings are always something that have a “healthy dread” attached to it. By healthy dread, I mean I fully understand I will to be spanked for the offense and that he will determine when “Im sorry” enough and I completely trust him so Im never afraid but just completely dreading it. When its over, the peace I have inside is that “glow” I think everyone talks about. At least thats how it feels for me.

  12. Ahhhh..but what one must endure to GET to that ‘glow’, Gale……..

    I am one confused moth to a flame when it comes to this… this straight up DISCIPLINE..because I still claim to NOT be a masochist….and let’s face it. Yeah..it HURTS! Which brings us full circle to Rad’s original point.
    Damn. I’m still confused….but I never want to be allowed to talk a person out it it….

  13. Yes Lisa I feel that way sometimes too. Ive never ever “liked” the pain. I insist that I dont have a masochistic bone in my body..umm I dont. Really. See youre correct. Full circle. My mind can and wants to accept the lesson and it also wants the feeling of “a clean slate” because when I get a discipline spanking its generally because Ive done something that disappoints him in some major way. My body on the other hand is slightly freaking out knowing that pain all too well.
    The only way for meto get there (glow state) is to submit to that authority and understand that when its over (yes thats the hardest part) I will have that “glow”. Yes, still confusing :0) It still hurts dang it! LOL
    I know I wouldnt want to be allowed to talk a person out of it too.

  14. Discipline spanking, must hurt. That is the major reason a naughty woman is given one. Be it with the hand, paddle, hairbrush, birchrod, cane, or whip, it must sting the naughty ladies bare bottom, and I mean sting.

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