Further Ruminations On The Daddy Thing

So I’ve been getting in touch with my inner Daddy in recent months and have been enjoying the experience in the only way I know how.

Frankly, I do it my way. I can say this of every thing I do in the scene from spanking to role play to socializing. I’m sure there are many ways to do the same thing and each person has their own unique take on it.

The Daddy vibe is something unto itself and involves a little more than just meeting someone at a party, playing and then going separate ways. I see it as a somewhat specialized form of mentoring where one person not only is seeking help and guidance with every day things but also desiring the kind of innocent intimacy that exists in a Daddy/girl relationship. But I do it my way rather than some codified system developed by an all-time Daddy genius. I see lots of people online pontificating about their system as if it’s the be-all and end-all of the spanking world. Sorry but that is just not the case.

When it comes to this or any other scene related activity, it’s best to find the comfort zone between the other person and me, one which may be completely different than the comfort zone between a totally different person and me. Doesn’t matter if it’s a Daddy that I’m being or just a momentary play partner, I need to settle into the place where we both can feel we’re getting something out of it in a way that’s relaxed and easy. The vanilla world is stressful enough without having extra stresses added on when one is in the non-vanilla world.

One other thing which is somewhat of an aside: I read so many posts on Fetlife in all the different “Daddy” message boards and it amazes me how much of the same thing I see. First of all, the term “littles” annoys the crap out of me as a description of the “sub” side of the Daddy/little girl dynamic. It conjures up images of Lilliputians or denizens of Oz rather than adults exploring an aspect of their sexuality. Also, the endless threads started by these “littles” that are about the same thing. “What do Daddies do for their littles on Thursdays?”, “Do Daddies buy shoes for their littles?”, “Can littles who wear shoes on Thursdays eat candy while their Daddies are playing World of Warcraft?”

As the Armenians say, “Oy vey!”

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20 Responses to “Further Ruminations On The Daddy Thing”

  1. I couldnt agree more. This topic is so near and dear to my heart/interests..it’s hard to even comment..as I am very..I don’t know…PROTECTIVE of this aspect of my “kink” ( another word I am not a huge fan of). It isn’t a formula. It’s a feeling . No..it’s deeper than that. It’s an INSTINCT.

    I know it must get tiring that I always AGREE with you, but..I do. Again.

    Ok. I also dislike the term ” littles”. A lot. Yes..it congures up dwarfs and their ilk. ( laughed at “denizens of Oz…!)

    . I don’t really get the babytalk ON LINE. ( meaning..yeah, sure..do it on your own time but why do we have to read/decipher it) and I also am in AWE of all the Daddy group posts that deal with asking the “daddies” and the “littles” questions about rules/conduct, rituals, etc. What is Daddy getting baby for Valentine’s Day, etc. Am I missing something? Isn’t this an INCREDIBLY private type of interaction? How can one person ask another ” how” to be a daddy or a ‘little’?

    The Daddy dynamic is as totally unique and specific as the individual particpants involved.
    People seem to think there are “levels of authenticity”. I feel it is truly organic to one’s deepest core. I also feel it is unrealistic to place demands on a ” daddy”.
    “You will do this and that and then I will feel fulfilled. “.
    The nature of the role is that Daddy knows best..and there is a peace that comes from accepting that. That’s MY only personal ‘rule’..and I didnt read it from the daddy manual online. Just my three cents.

  2. I agree with Rad and with Lisa. I am also protective of this aspect of my world. It feels intensely personal to me. Add to that the “things” he does that rock my world would sound insanely stupid to anyone else. He gets me, and he gets to me.

    And no, I have no desire to go into a littles room to color and play with others. Um, I have no desire to do that in real life either.

    I belong to several Daddy/daughter type lists on fetlife, and honestly they sort of make me nostalgic for the olden days when this was my deeply held secret and the rest of the spanking world was squicked out to no end by it. Okay, maybe not, but some middle ground would be nice. Don’t commercialize something precious.

  3. OMG Dawna, I couldnt agree more!
    It’s precious..really… and to see all the groups, and the Costco-esque mass marketing of it makes me long for the feeling I got when I first tapped into this part of my d/s desires. Its an intensely private , QUIET feeling.
    Its like finding a lovely little relic in a boutique…as opposed to shopping at WalMart.

  4. “Littles” make me think of two things:

    (1) big fat middle-aged women wearing oversized children’s clothes
    (2) Smurfs

  5. “Littles”? I kind of think you’re making this up. Like, Lilliputians bred with Smurfs and spawned forth a race of Littles. (Pinch of Rad’s brain + pinch of Smiling Devil’s.) Clearly, I don’t spend enough time exploring. I had NO idea the scene offered such entertainment value.

  6. Is it “Little,” “Lil,” “WiddleOne,” or “dadeezweeweeone?” Ok, so, I don’t mean to make fun of anyone’s kink, honestly, I’m only saying this because I don’t really get the new terminology — it just used to be “age play.”

    And I don’t get the mentality of some i see posting in the groups. One person wrote that she likes to color … while in head bondage. Like I said, nothing wrong with that, who DOESN’T like head bondage? But it just doesn’t seem to go with what you’d THINK a lil one would be into, and sort of defies the logic that there’s a group out there doing similar things.

    Everyone’s doing their own thing — as it should be.

    And, I have to admit I get kind of disturbed when the kink seems to be roleplaying inc*st.

  7. “The Littles”

    Wasn’t it an 80’s sitcom?

    We are evil, arent we.

    I don’t knock kinks..BUT..I dislike when people “out there” in kinkville lump ME into the age play/ adult diaper wearers, etc because I enjoy certain aspects of Daddy/Little Girl play. I can even appreciate elements of age play..while totally discarding others.

    A little girl tone can creep into my voice..but, I have never engaged in babytalk. At least not while sober. Yeah. Incest. Hard limit.

  8. The whole “little” thing is a turnoff to me, too. I don’t even like stories in which the alpha male calls the woman he predictably ends up taming “little girl.” And I definitely agree about finding the common comfort zone between two players. A couple people have asked me what I want in the scene, and I find that to be a somewhat restrictive question. There are things I like a lot and things I don’t do, but what I really want it to find that intersection and play with someone who is interesting and fun.

    SD, what’s wrong with middle-aged overweight women in kiddies’ (say schoolgirl?) clothes? 🙂

  9. Indy: I’ll answer that question…not a fucking thing.

  10. Indy: I know, right? Wouldn’t a true alpha rather attract a “woman” than a “little girl”? If a Top needs to belittle (pun intended) in order to capture my attention, he’s probably more beta, delta, or gamma than alpha. Belittling (unless it’s part of a mutual kink) is so sketch. The Top’s natural presence and sense of self is enough.

  11. I don’t mind feeling somewhat little-girlish. And have no problem being called “little girl” during a spanking or scolding. To me that can be a big part of the spanking dynamic. It helps that I’m well…..little in stature, being under 5′ tall, lol.

    But all the “littles” type of interaction kind of turns me off of any Daddy type play. I’m cool with other people being into the “littles” thing, but personally not something I could be comfortable with.

    I think I like the idea of a Daddy type dynamic between a top and bottom, meaning the caring yet stern type of topping….but not the babyish stuff and I don’t know that I could actually call someone “daddy” without feeling too weird.

  12. I knew I would catch hell for that remark and I didn’t mean to rain on anyone’s schoolgirl parade.

    I merely meant to point out the comedic irony of women who call themselves “little” when there is nothing little about them, neither age nor waistline. It’s along the same lines as some guy who calls himself “Master” when he lives in his parents’ basement and works at Taco Bell.

  13. Wednesday Says:

    I hope I don’t know the person who published the daddy manual. I am afraid I might though.

    D and I have run into “the right way to be a little/Daddy” biz. Actually I’ve run into “the right way” to do so much stuff in the scene that if my memory were better I would be God by now.

    Yeah, I agree with you Rad. It is all about the dynamic between the two people.

  14. @Jake, (raising
    hand and waving it proudly in the air): middle aged overweight woman here who just so happens to look DAMN cute in jumpers, drop seat jammies, and other schoolgirl-esque attire…

    @jasmine..I love ya, Babe, but…winced a bit at “true alpha”….

    I am only speaking for myself, naturally, but..I NEVER feel belittled if I am called little one or little girl. I feel cherished and adored. If I am called a whore, slut, c*unt, or bitch I do. Different strokes for different folks.

  15. Jake, what bearing does one’s age or waistline have in dealing with a deep emotion-based “role play”…..?

    …honestly NOT trying to be argumentative here, but..I am sincerely curious if the women you interact with are all models or slender beauty queens….? I would venture a guess that about 60-70% of this scene is comprised of middle aged folk of less than adolescent waistlines. I know mine is a dim memory….good thing I have a stellar personality! ( insert dazzling smile here)
    Hmmm…methinks “little” Lisa here got up on the feisty side of the bed today… 😉

  16. Jake, by your analogy, wouldn’t the Master who lives in his parents’ basement would be just fine as long as he’s built like Fabian and is a highly skilled top? After all, that would make him fit the part physically. I agree with Lisa that you’re comparing apples and oranges– physical on the one hand, emotional on the other.

  17. Though I have yet to explore this side of my kink very deeply (I’m still only flirting with it) I have to say the idea of being little in some way pulls very specific heartstrings for some people (myself included) and I don’t think age or body size has anything to do with it…that’s almost the point. I know that as a girl who was taller than her mother by the time she was 11, if I’m called “little girl” by someone I a playing with (and it happens naturally, not as a factor in some scenario-formula) I’m often touched somewhere very tender and quiet…some place I thought I’d put away a long time ago. I imagine that if I was 20 years older and however many pounds heavier, the reaction might be even more intimate and powerful.

    Having found myself exploring places (in many directions) that used to be hard limits not that long ago, I’m not in a hurry to make fun of the “littles” I see on Fetlife, etc. But I do understand the skeeve factor…it kicks in for me when I hear the player in question referring to their “little” in terms that smack disturbingly of multiple personality disorder. In fact, I heard the term “little” in psych literature long before I encountered it in fetish, as one of several MPD archetypes (along with the “protector”, etc). So I get a little nervous when I see that played out on the boards. But then I get that way whenever I see a crossover between mental health and BDSM.

  18. . . . buffering . . . 3% . . . 5%. . . .12% . . . 13% . . . .12% . . . 10% . . . 8% . . . 4% . . . 1% . . . . goodbye

  19. Sorry, I am a little late in the game, but age/play and having a ‘little’ are two different things.

    Having an inner child is a very genuine feeling, and can be exclusive from spanking and BDSM as a whole, but often they are mixed.

    When I am feeling little, Max asks me how old I am, and often, it’s very young – around 5. And it’s not an act, it’s a feeling, from somewhere deep inside.

    I feel as though because so many people who have an inner child, are also into many aspects of BDSM, a) the term has been adopted and b) people have started to see no distinction between the two.

    As far as discussions on other websites – I think people feel as though they’ve found somewhere comforting where they can talk as they wish and not be judged.

    Just my two cents!

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