Why So Bitter?

If someone is bitter about their experiences in the scene, maybe there’s a reason that doesn’t involve other people.

I think of myself as being very lucky in the scene but am also a big believer in making your own luck and being in charge of your own karma. The choices a person makes about their demeanor and the way they act has a lot to do with how successful they are. I find the notion of nice guys finishing last to be more myth than reality and from my observation, the bitter and unsuccessful person in the scene can usually look to themselves for the reasons.

Internet message boards are full of remarks from folks who feel they’ve gotten the short end of the stick. Some are angrier than others — full of recriminations about how it’s another person’s or group’s fault that this has befallen them. Between all the negative words I never see anyone think that they need to change at all. Not once do I see any of these people say, “Gee, maybe it’s something I’m doing that’s not so successful” — never. I guess it’s easier for them to put the blame on outside forces than look inward at what might be causing the issue.

The thing is that there are plenty of people in the scene that are willing to help with advice if a person is receptive. Unfortunately, the Bitters are never the ones to take advice because they seem to know it all to begin with even if what they know doesn’t seem to be helping them one damned bit. The most galling thing about the Bitters are their often condescending dismissal of the people giving the advice. “Sure, that’s easy for you“, they say, “you are one of the [fill in the blank] crowd”. Can I say one thing here? Cop out. The idea that advice is worthless because of some mythical “In Crowd” (which never seems to be clearly defined) is just sad and lazy.

The hardcore Bitters are the absolute losers of the scene. They weren’t born that way nor is the way they are the fault of a grand conspiracy — they are self-absorbed people steeped in a broth of their own wonderfulness and completely unable to accept the fact that some change might be necessary. You’d think self-absorbed people would be more self-aware but alas, it is not so.

I try to be as nice as possible with the vast majority of people I meet in the scene. Whether at the club or at a party (or here on this blog), I’ll be glad to help them out if I can. What I won’t do or desire  to do is hold their hand and lead them around. I’ll be happy to show them where to eat, I won’t chew the food for them.