Back in the Swing of Things

Having spent the last week dealing with personal responsibilities, I’m very much ready to get back into things. It’s been an emotional time for me and it’s been somewhat of a struggle to keep focused on writing every day especially when my mind has been elsewhere. Sorry we missed a party this past weekend in Philly but I’m sure we’ll get to the next one. We’ll be attending something this weekend and that will be the kind of fun I need after this past week.

A year ago, I was in a bad place as far as my enjoyment of the scene goes. It all seemed so gray to me, so devoid of the kind of depth of experience I wanted in my life. At one point, I actually contemplated withdrawing from the scene completely because it just seemed pointless and empty.

What changes have I noticed in me over the last year that have turned me 180 degrees? The primary one has been truly going out of my way to engage others and make real friendships. I didn’t want to feel disengaged from others nor content to merely have casual acquaintances. If I wanted to be involved and get something out of it, I had to not be afraid to give something of myself. That realization was the second revelation I’d had about my scene life (the first being my “coming out”). I had thought of spanking as a sort of hobby rather than part of my life. I suppose it was a remnant of the guarded vanilla life I’d been leading, a way not to feel ashamed of my desires by minimizing their importance. It was just a hobby and therefore OK because it wasn’t serious.

But it is serious. My desires are not separate from me at all. My love of games, music, writing and spanking are all indivisible from the person writing these words. They are not garments to be donned or doffed when needed but things in me that need release and expression. That realization was what allowed me the final amount of freedom to truly feel comfortable. The greatest gift I’ve ever given myself is the freedom to be unashamedly me.

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11 Responses to “Back in the Swing of Things”

  1. Wow..that last paragraph, Rad. Superb.

    Why are you not a professional writer/poet?

    It’s a rare soul indeed who is so introspective and eloquent..yet certainly far from being deemed ” too sensitive”…. lol..
    ( by that I mean Caspar Milquetoast type)

  2. Once again, it is your bare-naked honesty that speaks volumes.

  3. Glad you are back, Rad.

  4. Gwen…bare-naked is so good when it comes to honesty..as well as other things! lol

  5. Sounds good to me. Should I take off my top now?

  6. Silly Sandy – you take off your BOTTOMS now…or whatever is covering your bottom!

  7. Sorry about the multiple names — it was kind of an accident — you know computers — they accept one name but not another. I have lots of excuses…

    I can get spanked if I want it badly enough. What I wish is that someone loved me enough to spank me, and even to spank me disciplinarily — if that makes any sense.

    That’s bare-naked honesty, Lisa (sorry for cross-posting!)

  8. I don’t think I’m being very sensitive. I’m trying to lighten the mood and falling flat. In reality I don’t know WHAT to say. It’s been an emotional week and I’m looking forward to the party too.

    “Gwendana” — hang in there, and stay positive.

  9. Thank you all for either the nice comments or the bare-nakedness — both are appreciated.

    And can people stop apologizing for commenting whatever they want? I know I’m a Top but I’m not constantly looking for apologies, only when they are required.

  10. Zoinks!

    okayyy..so, no more ‘sorrying’…..(I am saving them up anyway.)

    I guess, like friends.. the more the merrier when it comes to posts, right Rad?

    “gwendanna” ( D?) that was very poignant ..the way you reiterated what so many of us spankees feel : being loved enough to get spanked..and even more so when it is of a disciplinary nature.

    I once tried to explain it to someone many years ago ( when I first got into this scene, I was even more ridiculously analytical than I am now) by saying ; ” so often in this life you just do NOT know where you stand..you are like a sapling in the breeze. When you get called on the carpet..and are about to get spanked..you know EXACTLY where you stand…”. (..the irony being that you aren’t STANDING at all! đŸ™‚

    Rad ( and SandY) I hope every day is getting better and better..slowly but surely. xo

  11. termakasih infonya, sangat bermanfaat , Abdukrahman

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