24 Flavors

The spanking and/or BDSM scenes remind me of one of my favorite lines from one of my all-time favorite sitcoms.

All in the Family was a great show that not only reflected on the human experience but did so in a way that was funny and somewhat surreal. It did jump the shark (more than once) but it’s early seasons were nothing short of brilliant. There’s a scene in one episode which features Archie Bunker on a diet. He gets mad at Edith and proceeds to put on his hat and coat and tell her all the junk food he’s going to eat when he goes out. In his litany of culinary disaster, he utters this, “…then I’m going to 21 flavors — I’m going to eat 24”.

The thing that’s most vibrant about the BDSM scene is that there are as many varieties of kinkiness as there are people to practice them. Spanking comes in many shapes or forms — being a “Daddy” or “little girl” comes in many shapes and forms as well. This is why I’m dismayed by people who are new to the scene asking about the “way” they should be doing something. It’s natural when new to believe there is some secret to doing what it is that we do but what bothers me is that there are so many people willing to convey a faux orthodoxy upon others especially those folks who are still blank slates.

There’s nothing wrong with rules and I think some rules are important — the ones that revolve around conduct in a public place are most important. However, I think that there are more than a few who think that their particular flavor of kink is less a choice or desire than it is a system. Tops should be like this or subs should act like thatthis is what bratting is or the Daddy/little girl dynamic should be a certain way because mine is a certain way. This is all patently nonsense. It’s utterly self-serving for the speaker and detrimental to other people’s enjoyment to feed your own ego by declaring that your way is the only way.

In the end, it should only be about enjoyment — I don’t mean riding a rollercoaster and screaming “Whee” but enjoying the length and breadth of your desires, needs and wants in the context of your own understanding of kinkiness. I’ve railed against orthodoxy before and I will continue to do so because even in the scene, it is about making people feel guilty for inventing their own flavors.

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4 Responses to “24 Flavors”

  1. …’inventing your own flavors…’.
    That was such a great way to phrase it, Rad.
    I too am something close to dumbstruck when I see ad after ad or post after post of people looking for “The Manual”.

    It’s astounding..b/c to ME, the very essence and nature OF a kink or fetish is its organic quality;..something being a PART of you that you are now perhaps just trying to ‘make sense of’…rather than “learn”.

    I’ll never forget. ..many years ago ( whenever I say that it makes it sound like I’m 80 or something..!) I was relatively new to the world of exploring my spanking desires, and I was playing with a man..and just started calling him “daddy”….out of the blue…

    It was the energy that was thre for ME at that time …and felt right. However..he didn’t care for it too much. Ok.. live and learn ..but, it surely didn’t mean my way or his way was “THE way”…..

  2. I don’t comprehend why anyone in this bizarre world of fetish would deem it necessary to adhere to some sort of orthodoxy. After all, aren’t we all here to enjoy sexual freedom in the first place? Seems antithetical.

    I think of BDSM practice in terms of “models” or “templates.” If we have a common turn-on – for example Nu-West’s “Stepdaughter Three” (which, as it happens I was being turned on by last night) – then we can refer to that as a model for practice. It doesn’t mean we should all try to emulate that as perfectly as possible. It’s just a jumping off point for “inventing our own flavor.”

    Maybe it’s not about following “THE way,” but following examples, hopefully GOOD examples. The most I could ever aspire to be is a good example.

  3. Have talked to a number of newbies… mainly ‘submissive’ women… that couldn’t exactly explain what they wanted. They had a grasp on some of their broader desires. To not have control… to get spanked in a loving way for their own good… to get a hard spanking that pushed limits… etc, etc. But when it came to specifics, they really weren’t sure themselves.

    In that context, looking at how others do it is a good idea. Sort of like walking into the ice cream shop and looking around… narrowing choices, trying some samples.

    In the end though, like you say… you gotta do what works for you. You have to find your own flavor.

    ~Todd

  4. Wowza. What a great topic. I’ve not read a single post about this ellusive manual, but it makes me chuckle. I’m more willing to believe in unicorns or narwhals (OK, so those ARE real but kind of freaky) than a BDSM manual. If one existed, it would be more of a menu or album than a manual. Kind of like, here’s some appetizers; here’s some entrees, and here’s some desserts….and if you want something not on the menu, simply request it; our chef is quite versital. And, by the way, the menu will change monthly, although wildly popular items may remain.

    Lisa: Agreed. No “THE way,” only what turns two people on who are in the middle of an encounter.

    Todd: Yeah, submission is a little tricky. How do you say “I’m yours; do what you will…and by the way, here’s a list of exactly what you’re going to do to me.” It doesn’t quite work. It’s almost better to discuss fantasies and swap stories, so the Top can see your “landscape,” but then hand over the reins. Seems to require an incredble degree of finesse on both sides.

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