It Puts The Lotion In The Bucket

Is there a rule about when people are supposed to spring things on each other?

I don’t know how many times I’ve seen it in an online post or chatroom comment. Everything is going along swimmingly when all of a sudden, something comes out of left field and you’re left thinking, “Quoi?” The lotion thing is one of those moments. Maybe it’s just me but I think that lotioning up someone’s ass is something you have to absolutely sure your play partner wants before you start doing it — whether it’s “your thing” or not. I suppose it avoids those awkward moments.

Sheldrake: I just met you.

Hortense: I just met you, too.

Shel: I like spanking.

Hort: I like spanking, too.

Shel & Hort: Let’s spank

Hort: Thanks for the spanking.

Shel: Here’s the lotion.

Hort: WTF?!?

What can I say except, awkward. It’s sort of weird online as well. Someone will be describing what they would do to someone for some naughty behavior and then it’s suddenly about fingers and objects. Maybe the person will respond positively to the suggestion and I suppose that’s fine but when it happens in a chatroom or on a message board, it just makes me feel uncomfortable. The worst example is when two people are going back and forth on a message board and then suddenly something out of left field is mentioned, enemas, for example, and the thread is left hanging. Everyone reading it knows what killed it and it just sits there like a monument to faux pas everywhere.

Is it avoidable? Unless you have a profile up somewhere that pretty much goes point by point about what you like or dislike, a profile that is viewable to people who you want to meet, then I guess the trial balloon method of just blurting it out and seeing what happens is as good (if potentially embarrassing) method as any. Perhaps it just comes across as more awkward to outside viewers like me than it does to the participants.

Just an aside about embarrassing moments. I think it was during the last Shadow Lane chat when my wife, Sandy, asked me to participate. I sign in and am not really paying attention to who is there when my wife gives me a “Hi, honey” or whatever. So, in my inimitable style, I write, “Hey sweetcheeks”, thinking it’s cute and playful. My fingers don’t work fast enough on the keyboard so right before my response goes up, Bailey (who was in there) writes, “Hi Rad”. So there I am, just entering this chatroom and now I’m calling this person I barely know “sweetcheeks”. She left like a minute later — something I said?

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2 Responses to “It Puts The Lotion In The Bucket”

  1. OK. you are gonna owe me a new laptop, Rad!! Your Sheldrake and Hortense made me spew green tea all over the brand SPANKIN new keyboard!!!!!!!!!

    ps: lotion. Good. nuff said

  2. hahahah this was great!

    Chatrooms are different, since things more so quickly and someone else will type something before your input even loads.

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