A Good Player

I’ve heard this term a lot over the years. Such and such is a “good player” but what does that really mean. We’ll discuss after the flip.

I won’t create any more suspense and simply state that I’m really not too sure. Defining “good” is a lot like defining anything that is subjective to taste. What’s good for me may not be good for another person. However, there must be some things that are more universal in scope that define a good player in a wider way. As a Top, it’s hard for me to define what might be considered good from a bottom’s perspective but I can tell you what good is when I play with others and maybe that translates in reverse as well.

Communication is a big part of a good player to me — a person that can easily and readily articulate what it is that they want. Although not every single moment of a scene can or should be scripted but a person that can help create a loose framework is in my mind someone who understands their own desires. Communication is not just about what happens before a scene but what happens during and after. Things can go in so many different directions while a scene is happening that it’s great to have a play partner willing to go with the flow and broadcast the fact that it’s ok to go there without being overt. That connection is very good when it happens (and it doesn’t always). I also think a good partner is one that is not afraid to let you know what went right and what went wrong during a scene constructively. Getting better at what I like to do only happens when I know if what I’m doing works or not.

Attention is the other thing that I think makes for a good player in my eyes. I don’t mean that in some Domly “you must be attentive to me” way — I mean a person who is paying attention to what is happening right then and there when doing a scene with me. This has a lot to do with why I like to play with people away from others, hoping to diminish the number of potential distractions. When I play with anyone, I’m not worried about any other scene I maybe be doing or may have done because I’m concentrating on what I’m doing at that moment and the person I’m doing it with. I couldn’t even begin to be able to spank someone in a way that was enjoyable for both of us if my attention was  on something or someone else. From before we begin to after we end, I have to pay attention to what I’m doing otherwise it is not going to work for me and I suspect it’s only going to insult the person I am playing with. As for me, nothing worse than someone who I’m spanking having a conversation with a person sitting nearby. That’s something that would almost always make me just end the scene right away.

So that’s a couple of things that make a “good player” for me. Any thoughts from readers? I’m all ears.

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3 Responses to “A Good Player”

  1. A good player is a person with whom you share communication about what you are both looking for as far as the spanking experience. A good player seems to be able to “read” their partner, wants to fulfill his/her expectations and desires, as well as his/her own. A good player CARES about your needs and feelings..no matter what kind of scene it is. To ME.. a good player is a man who carries himself with a certain air of casual confidence….an air of ‘natural’ dominance, if you will….and spanking a woman comes as easily to him as breathing. I realize that may seem just a SLIGHT bit idealistic on my part .. but, it’s what I think of when I think of a good player. To make it simpler: a good player is one whom I like..and he likes me back! Fantasies do need to mesh a bit..or a lot, but both can also concede. Party on!

  2. ..I never even used to know what ” good” in bed meant. Thats just sad.

  3. Hey, a “good player” for me is anyone I like. The play may differ amongst them all, but the common element is a feeling of complete comfort. With one guy I may be leaning on my elbow talking to him while being spanked. With another, I’m little miss smartass with the comments. And yet there’s another I wouldn’t dare say much more than “yessir!” I usually take my cues from my partner and tailor my own behavior or reaction to them.

    Yes, there’s some that are in sync with my own core kink. Those are the ones that make me feel like a naughty girl in need of discipline. But I don’t expect that from all the tops I play with, and that inability doesn’t eliminate anyone from my playlist. Some got it, some don’t.

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