Members of My Gender

I’m a man which gives me the right to talk about men as much as I want.

Is there a trend towards more and more disgraceful behavior by men? I suspect it’s just that I’ve noticed it more and more. My wife, Sandy, often tells me about some of the men she comes across especially online — rude boors with an arrogant attitude full of entitlement and more than a hint of anger towards women. As I’ve gotten to know and become close friends with more women in the scene, I’ve heard these same stories multiple times spread out over a vast spectrum of people. This is the universal minefield that women endure and have had to endure all this time? Then you all have my sincerest apologies offered on behalf of males.

The thing that bothers me most about certain men is the hostility that’s barely under the surface. I really don’t care how “hurt” they feel because the universe didn’t hand them everything they thought they should have — the universe hands very few people anything. This is the feeling of entitlement I mentioned above, this notion that they deserve something for just being them. As a matter of fact, they do deserve something, the same thing that everyone deserves, to be treated fairly and respectfully even if it’s on some basic level. Beyond that, they are owed nothing. The hostility comes from the fact that they have remained stupid little children in their own minds whether they know it or not. Spoiled kids who stamp their feet when they don’t get what they want. Unfortunately, the stamping of feet translates into something less benign when they are at least bigger on the outside if not the inside.

At a less hostile but equally annoying manifestation is the person in the spanking scene that looks at a living breathing woman the way he looks at a two dimensional image in a magazine. The least said about these people the better because unless they are more self-aware than I realize, they will not change nor think anything is even wrong. Their entire conversation boils down to, “I want to spank that ass I think is gorgeous”, without even a thought to asking the person they are oggling, “How was your day today?” To them the living person is just a three dimensional version of that woman on the page — and that’s sad.

I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. A lifetime of American society has had an effect on me but I like to think that as a thinking being, I have the capacity to recognize when something is not right, change it in myself and not be afraid to discuss it in public.

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2 Responses to “Members of My Gender”

  1. When you write things this thoughtfully, and correctly…you come damn close to “perfect”. Call me biased. I appreciate your sense of restrained indignation. I am sure it’s an insult to REAL men everywhere when a few act like boorish cavemen or .. let’s take ” men” out of the equation entirely..and just say animals. They haven’t evolved a thumb. Society makes a lot of excuses for them….; their upbringing, their past, their addictions, mental illness, or what have you. Society owes no one ANYthing. What’s right is right, and what’s wrong is wrong. Period. My recent experience taught me a good lesson about how underappreciated, often overlooked, and respected a REAL ( strong but kind, wise, caring) is. I’m living, learning, and thanking the universe for second chances….Great post, Rad.

  2. Yes, VERY well said. The same goes for women, too, of course — the universe doesn’t owe us anything, either. Maybe I’m biased, but I don’t see women getting as violent as quickly when they don’t get their way. Maybe some younger women are doing that, though. There is a lot of anger out there in either gender. But I don’t usually feel scared when I approach a woman on the street, or coming up to my building entering at the same time as me. If it’s a man I ALWAYS hang back and let him use his key to enter. If he doesn’t have one, I’m not letting him in. And I don’t share an elevator if it’s just me and one strange man.

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