The Buttinski

People butting-in where they are not welcome. Don’t like it.

Started a thread about this over on Fetlife. Whether it’s at Paddles, a party or online, I have little appreciation for people who stick their noses where they don’t belong. They either have zero manners or believe that any sort of etiquette doesn’t apply in the cutthroat world of BDSM/spanking. The fact that it is only cutthroat in the minds of a few people is enough to make these same folks annoyances of a higher order.

The club isn’t the best place for a quiet scene but things can get intense even though it is often noisy and crowded. However, some folks can get in the way rather easily. Forget about the knucklehead who stands too close, how about people who are a little further yet are doing nothing but speaking. If you’re going to be that close to an intense scene, then it’s assumed you’re there because you want to watch. How about more watching and less talking? Cracking jokes and laughing are headspace killers. Another annoying type is the person that won’t give you any breathing room after a scene. Sometimes when a particularly intense scene is done, I like a little time with the person I played with to wind down. Someone coming up to us while we’re talking or whatever — particularly someone who wants to be “next”, really rubs me the wrong way. Some aftercare is important without unnecessary intrusion. Etiquette, people, etiquette.

Online is another matter but can be equally as annoying. If I have a formal or even informal relationship with someone and it’s something that’s not exactly hidden from view, then it’s pretty safe to say that the dynamic between us should be ours. What is not needed or asked for is the person jumping in with a Toppy remark as if they are now co-topping uninvited. Do these people see themselves as the Top of the world? Perhaps they are simply the spanking scene’s version of a crusader for justice, righting wrongs wherever they find them. What they really are is plain rude. I don’t Top other peoples bottoms or subs because it’s not my place unless the Top or Dom invites me in. To pop in and suddenly start Topping someone I hardly know is not only bad form but a tiny bit arrogant.

For some of the bottoms out there, I see it happen all the time in chatrooms. You have my condolences.


One Response to “The Buttinski”

  1. Condolences accepted:) I always wondered if other TOPS even notice that stuff. And what is WORSE…is when someone notices and thinks they are helping but now have made a somewhat private thing into a major public thing…really don’t like that.

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