Further Thoughts On The Daddy Thing

Until I started exploring this dynamic recently, I never realized how many people it resonated with and how often they hid their desire from view.

I’ll admit that Daddy/girl was not always at the forefront of my kinkiness nor is it now. It is a flavor of my kink that I’ve exploring more and more and that I’ve begun to have a particular interest for. Yes, there was always the desire to spank as an Authority Figure and the role of Daddy was a part of that. However, it was not only something that I really did not explore but something that I did not talk about either. There were more than a few times when a vocal person in the spanking scene would be so vehemently against the whole notion of that kind of play that it would make me feel as if I was sick for having the thoughts in the first place. For me it basically became something one does not talk about in the public parts of the spanking community and certainly not something you admitted to liking right off the bat. Writing this blog and feeling more open and comfortable with my feelings because of it has given me a modicum of fearlessness when it comes to admitting things now.

I’ve heard the same thing from other folks as well and not just from men. People who have desires and wants and needs but have to keep them secret because of fear that they’ll offend others or be laughed at. It’s sad, really, to think that kinky people have to hide themselves in the vanilla world and then find a place where they can feel free only to find that they have to again hide part of themselves in that world as well. A double F.U., if you will. The strange thing is that I’ve discovered more and more people “coming out” to me when they see me as some sort of kindred spirit and especially one that doesn’t seem to care about hiding themselves anymore. Finding a support group of like-minded individuals is a very liberating discovery because it lets you take down your mask, at least for a while, when in that group. A big sigh of relief not to have to pretend anymore.

Now that I’ve somewhat embraced my particular differences, I would hope that others would as well no matter what their desires are. It’s nice to be liked by a lot of people but not at the expense of having to pretend you are merely a more gourmet brand of vanilla.

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6 Responses to “Further Thoughts On The Daddy Thing”

  1. If I want to call my husband “Daddy” once in a while, I don’t care what people think. I still consider myself a feminist in real life, I still control my own life, I make my own money, I do what I want to do — but sometimes, he’s my Daddy.

    I’ve had a hard time over the years “fitting in” to the scene, and I’m not even that wild! (At least, I don’t think so.) Too many people (just read a lot of the posts on FetLife) think there’s some rule about how to do kink (with various levels of that, based on the particular kink you may be into). I’ve found the spanking community to be the most accepting, so that’s my core support and social group in the kinky world, but even among them I find some more conservative and some less conservative views that are different than mine — all of which is fine, until you start saying “this is how we do things,” or “we don’t do that.” When you hear your core group saying “we don’t do ____” and “____” is something you enjoy, you start to think, “do I not belong here? Am I not part of this group?”

    Don’t get me wrong, it only happens once in a while. MOSTLY, this community has been very accepting and most of my friends here really “get” me.

  2. Rad, So so well put. Why am I not surprised. I liked that ” more gourmet brand of vanilla”. Even while I shape-shift, grow and evolve in this scene, the one consistent thing I DISlike is the whole ” labels and rules” thing. The whole reason we are HERE is to have fun and fully, freely express ourselves. That said, the spanko community really can be a HIGHLY opinionated lot! The daddy debate has reached a peak in my own communications of late.. and it’s fascinating. I still have to back off from my defensive stance, but it seems as if people either REALLY love it, or REALLY don’t. I, um, am in the former category! LOL.

    Sandy, I used to call my (second) Ex ” Daddy” because I love it, and its very playful and affectionate. He had mixed feelings about it. He often didn’t want what he preceived to be the ‘reponsibility’ of being my Daddy. It’s SO nice when you call a man that and he loves it as much as you do. It’s just a way to let down one’s guard ..especially because life, and the world..is SO stressful. What can be better than feeling protected and taken care of? Long live daddies and the little girls who need them!

  3. Thanks Rad. I don’t have to say much here because you took the words right out of my mouth. The truth is that a post like this and conversations with people like you help me to feel more comfortable about talking about my desires. I was ashamed for a long time because I wanted a daddy/daughter relationship. Too many opinionated people making faces and talking as if it was sick got to me. I would explain the relationship I was looking for but would preface by saying “I’m not into daddy/duaghter but….” and then of course I went on to describe that exact dynamic. I refused to use the word “Daddy” with special tops in my life. but in my mind that’s what they were to me and I was a little girl. It was very scary to put it into words.

    It feels so good to talk about it now. It’s liberating. Not to mention the idea that if I actually put it out there I may even get it! Hmmmm….interesting concept huh?

    Anyway, thanks Rad. This post is exactly what I needed right now.

  4. Thank you all for the above remarks. I consider them more addenda to my post than comments.

  5. I call Joel daddy all the time. That we are into spanking and I bottom to him has a different spin on it, but I really don’t see it as any different as calling him baby, honey or dorkman. Terms of endearment all, except that dorkman tends to get a rather different reaction.

    I am a bit more self concious about calling him daddy outside the house, but sometimes it just happens. I get kind of worried that people will think the wrong thing, but…. eh, that is happening less and less these days.

    We aren’t into the age play thing. I never would have thought I’d be calling any guy daddy 5 or 6 yrs ago. We just fell into it and it works.

  6. I love when things just ” happen” and develop, Laura! And its interesting..what you said about the terms of endearment, ageplay , etc. Lovers call each other ” Baby” ALLLLL the time!! Listen to love songs! The word ‘baby’ is almost always in there! No one thinks THAT is abuse or ” pedophilia”. WHY is it that the word ” Daddy” squicks so many people when, to ME, it is a VERY sweet word meaning you think of someone as loving, caring, attentive, and protective…?

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