Feeling It Versus Just Doing It

A thought prompted by a conversation with my friend Marie. Does it take a spanko to really make the spanking experience better?

By “spanko”, I mean someone who does not just have spanking as part of their repertoire but really and truly feels all the emotions that are wrapped up in being a spanking enthusiast.

I consider myself a spanko. I’ve thought about spanking my whole life and it’s the kink that most interests me and turns me on. I may have dabbled in other things but spanking is what I know and love. When I spank someone, it is not just a mechanical act for the benefit of the person being spanked, it is the culmination of desires that are always inside me barely beneath the surface of my skin. When I spank someone, I’m not just doing something physical but, in a sense, releasing all this pent up kinky and sexual energy that’s inside me. I get into the moment and hopefully make the experience that much better for both of us because I’m doing something I genuinely love to do.

Marie mentioned to me that she corresponds with men in the scene who are more into the wider BDSM kink than just the spanking corner of it. When she tells them she is into spanking, they mention that they “can spank”. For me there’s a big difference between being able to do something and enjoying the doing of it.

I took piano lessons when I was around ten years of age. They lasted about two years of weekly classes and then practice during the week. I could do the exercises and play whatever piece was at my level but I didn’t enjoy it one bit. Actually, I hated it. Even though I loved music and could physically do the things I was asked, I had no desire to do them and every thing I played had a mechanical feel to it.

As far as I’m concerned, kinkiness is no different. Yes, anyone can spank in a physical sense – let’s face it, it’s not hard (That’s what she said). But to get the most out of the experience, whether Top or bottom, the real honest desire has to be there. Anything else is just mechanical.


5 Responses to “Feeling It Versus Just Doing It”

  1. You’re so good at putting these things into words! I am about to go blog about this 🙂


  2. I consider myself a true spanko..and when I PLAY with one..as opposed to a person ” just doing it” its a vast difference. I REALLY feed off the yin and yang of it .. the give and take ….I love the idea that both the spankER and spankEE and both getting their needs met while simultaneously ” giving” that experience to the other. I love when it feels really heightened, and dramatic….and realistic. Rad, if I may be so bold… like when we played at Paddles, and it got really intense and you were, like ” angry” and I felt that ‘scared for real’ feeling. THAT was blissful for me …..

  3. I’m with Lisa. I get off on hard play. I am a pain slut…and if I play with someone who seems my ass turn red and then gets scared that they are “hurting” me….it’s just not going to be fun for me. I mean…sure there will be some enjoyment – but a true fulfilling scene for me involves someone who knows what they are doing…and has no problem doing it…..and someone who is getting off on giving me pain as much as I am on getting it. Those sexual feelings can be expressed elsewhere…or later….or whatever. The spanking part for me needs to be authentic.

  4. I am a spanko, no doubt, however for me it’s so much more than the physcial. In fact, I don’t consider myself a hard bottom at all, but I can take an awful lot when someone gets into my head. It’s the entire experience that makes a scene work for me. The mental part is about 70/80 % of it. I need the discipline, the scolding etc… that goes along with the spanking. I need someone to get into my head. I want to feel with my whole being, not just my butt. Anyone can spank, and anyone can spank hard, but getting into someone’s head is the ultimate. It’s bliss. I will forever remember those scenes.

    Fun spankings and sensual spankings have a wonderful place in my heart too and I love those experiences as well. But like I said, it’s the other that runs through my thoughts night after night. And they always have, since I was about 5 years old. How awesome is that!

  5. I’m new to this party scene, and really hav’nt much experience expressing my deep dark secret about spanking, which I have kept hidden for 49 years, but understand where you’re coming from. In the past, I’ve wasted hundreds and hundreds of dollars on Doms who did’nt know shit about how to spank properly. It only takes 10 seconds of the patty cake bullshit to know I wasted my money. I guess spanking is a highly specialized field, for there are not many who advertise as such. Myself, I am a true OTK fan. Giving or recieving, there is nothing else like it on earth that gets my “attention”. Sure, I would do whatever things my partner would want, just to make them happy, but it’s the hard bare bottom OTK spankings that I love!

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