Just wanted to get a post in under my deadline so I don’t skip a day. I pose a question: Do you ever think the lowest common denominator is you?

It’s probably true of all classes of people but I notice many complaints online in the spanking and BDSM community about people not meeting the right people or meeting people only to find that they are somehow psycho. Now, I ask you, how is it possible that one person can be involved in so much unpleasantness?

A woman meets people and it ends up that every guy is a jerk. A man has a string of scene encounters and/or play partners and each one goes psycho on him, complaining that he went too far. I can understand one or two or maybe even three but every one? How can that be? For example, a woman meets guys online and then goes on to meet them in person. She thinks everything is fine but lo and behold, the person leaves never to be seen again. Another example: A guy meets women for spanking fun and each one complains that his hands are wandering and that there’s been inappropriate touching.

These two examples are things that I’ve read online from people who are complaining about the dearth of good play partners or potential relationships of whatever kind. Personally, everything boils down to the lowest common denominator. Arthur Conan Doyle put these words into the mouth of Sherlock Holmes: “One you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.” What is the one thing that’s the same from one experience to the next? Usually, it’s the person complaining. They are the one common thread from experience to experience and no matter how improbable they might think it is that they are the problem, they usually are.

Can it be fixed? Well, if a guy goes around fingering women during a spanking because that’s “his thing”, then chances are you’re going to run into a bunch of women who exclaim, “WTF?!?” If you go on dates and are the person who does nothing except talk about themselves ad nauseum, then you’re going to end up as Mr. or Miss Constantly-Talk-About-Themselves and probably have people walking away…fast.

The truth is that people’s egos won’t let them see themselves as the problem even when they are. Often being able to step back and look at oneself is a very healthy exercise.


5 Responses to “Ohai!”

  1. I am left with the feeling that mayyyybe you might be talking about me? (with my recent spate of “jerks”?) Or is that damn narcissistic of me? LOL. Damn, Rad..you are too smart for your own good! 🙂 Lisa

  2. being too touchy-feely is kind of an obvious “crime,” one that many women might feel compelled to complain about specifically. a guy, if he heard that type of feedback, would have the opportunity to change his behavior if he chose. (some might not; they may continue to search for women who don’t have such “sexual hang-ups.”) but if the problem is something that others don’t feel comfortable talking about, there may never be a change. if a guy has a weird odor. i’m not going to tell him; i’ll say i don’t think we are compatible and i’ll move on. if he’s self-centered and never stops talking about himself. again, i doubt i would have a heart-to-heart talk with him about it. i’d just move on. the hard part is figuring out what needs to be changed and then working on it. i didn’t think it was “fair” that so many men were focused on my weight, when i was a little heavier than i am now. but i wanted to lose weight for myself, anyway, and when i did it widened my opportunities.

  3. Seems like men and women have different reasons for being the ‘ lowest common denominator.’ Take your hypothetical guy that likes to finger a spankee, because that’s his thing. He’s either not being upfront and honest about ‘his thing’ because he knows what the response is likely to be… or, even worse… he’s simply ignoring a known limit. In either case, he’s focused almost strictly on himself and that’s creating problems for him.

    Can it be fixed… hmmm… that’s tough. If he truly is that selfish, probably not. Though, it is possible that he’s confused or inexperienced. If he opens himself up to advice and is willing to consider the person he’s playing with… maybe there is a chance. Can take a looong time to fix a bad reputation though.

    As for the ladies, those that run into jerk after jerk… seems they either move too fast or they’re too nice. A *great* ‘jerk filter’ is time. Jerks usually don’t want to “waste” a lot of time before they get what they’re looking for, and even if that’s not the case… the more time that passes, the more likely they are to expose their agenda. Also have to be honest about limits and desires. The good ones appreciate it… the bad ones will be chased off.

    No doubt in my mind though, there is something behind your theory. There are *lots* of good people in the spanking scene, and if you’re not finding them… you’re doing something to cause that to happen. That, or you live in South Dakota (lol… inside joke that only I am laughing at).


  4. What a great post! This often crosses my mind.

  5. When one person in particular can’t find anyone that suits their needs…their is obviously an issue. People need to realize that they are not looking for a life mate…merely a spanking partner. Granted…especially for bottoms…there has to be SOME level of trust and knowing that you are on the same page and won’t be taken advantage of…..great post Rad.

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