One Regret

I probably have about a thousand of them relating to my vanilla life but there’s one that keeps rearing its head regarding the spanking scene.

It’s that I should have gotten involved sooner in life.

There weren’t many possibilities while I was in my teens or twenties – I didn’t even know there was any way to personally explore my kink in those days. When I was in my early thirties, there was a sliver of opportunity but I did not yet know enough to get involved.

It was the summer of 1994 and I had bought my first computer and then discovered the Internet. In those olden times, AOL disks were ubiquitous. Actually, for years afterwards, I used some as coasters around the apartment. Back then I was single and it didn’t take long to look for any spanking related thing I could find. AOL had chatrooms and I went into those a few times. Back then it had access to newsgroups and I joined the old A.S.S. with a screenname long forgotten. Wish I could remember because I wrote a few stories under that name that I cannot find anywhere. It pays to keep notes.

So there I was at the verge of getting involved in the scene when I met my ex and we started a relationship. My vanilla ex. I have no hard feelings towards her at all but in retrospect, it might have been better to remain single and explore my kink. Who knows, I might have met Sandy sooner than I did. I certainly might have felt less uneasy about my feelings than I did in subsequent years. There’s a lot to be said about being among fellow travelers and realizing you’re not as abnormal as you think you are.

The feeling of regret comes and goes but it just is a matter of reminding myself that I’m where I am right now and can’t do a damned thing about what has already happened. There really is no point in reliving things like I can engage in a sort of reverse lottery and change the past with wishful thinking. Come to think of it, living and enjoying the now is a pretty good way to be.

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8 Responses to “One Regret”

  1. I think this is the regret of most spankos…especially of our age. Younger folks have had the internet since forever and therefore had the ability to find out they weren’t alone in their kink. Love the last paragraph….because I am also in that mindset. Lot’s of regrets in my life but this is where I am NOW….so I will enjoy this place and move forward. As always….love your thoughtful insights Rad. Hope you are having an awesome week!

    Barbie

  2. I sometimes wonder if I would have been ready earlier even if the internet had been around. I certainly explored these issues a bit in my early 20’s and would have liked to have known that there were others like me out there. But I might have needed to reach a certain place in my life and career to be comfortable, especially with some of my submissive fantasies.

    Oh well, I’ll never know the answer to that question, and I’m certainly having fun now.

  3. Last paragraph hit it exactly – and those regrets, for me, are exactly what remind me to get out and live now…so I won’t end up with too many more of them when I’m in the Last Swat Retirement Home.

  4. I am so happy now that I’ve found what I’ve found. It may be later in life than I’d like, but I don’t think I would have been ready for it 10-20 yrs ago. Family … kids … life. It all had its place, and all played out nicely.

    I’m a big believer in timelines and the skewing thereof, so if getting involved earlier in life would mean my life would not have played out as it has, I would choose keeping things as they were and are.

    Shoulda woulda coulda. Never look back.

  5. I agree with Red. As much as I wish I had known there were other spankos on the planet, I feel I needed to live my life in the time-order that I did. I believe the information found me, or I found it, when I was ready.

    Something you mentioned was that maybe you would have found Sandy earlier. Floyd and I have talked about that numerous times, and always come back to the fact that we wouldn’t not have ready for or right for each other earlier in our lives. I would give anything to have spent the last 30 years with him, rather than growing through some dumbass relationships! I guess I’m just glad I met him when I did and we somehow figured out we would work nicely together.

  6. For me, things happened when they needed to happen. Life was kind of busy up until the time when I was able to explore this spanking thing as I did. I love being with Joel. I don’t know that would have happened had I come out sooner.

    I have some regrets with what happened along the way. Some play sessions that were just plain stupid and impulse related, that sort of thing. But timing, no. Thinks worked out just fine.

  7. When I turned 18, I gathered my nerve and entered an adult bookstore, where I found a spanking-specific magazine. This was in 1977. Prior that, I had no idea if I was the only person in the world with a C.P. fetish or not, but once I saw the magazine, that changed everything, only because I knew enough about the economics of color printing to know that they had to have a print run in the thousands.

    But it would still be another long 9 years before I found what scene there was and it wasn’t nearly enough. So Eve and I decided to see what we could do about that.

  8. I have always played out this thing, starting from instituting “Spartan Discipline” in my neighborhood, by subtly developing situations where we would all be subject to discipline. With my fun grade school teachers, I always imagined that I was their boyfriend or husband and could give them movie star romantic spankings on those wonderful, mysterious rear mounds when they did something naughty.

    Almost every girlfriend got a swat on her bottom and I never had a complaint.

    However, when really coming out, that came much later for me as well. As some have said, probably just as well. I could not have combined my kids’ athletic weekends with spanking events.

    Its funny, looking at some of the names above, its just very special that we know each other now. I adore many of my spanking community girlfriends, and you know that spankings you get are because I really do care deeply about you. Some of you I have known longer than you have known your husbands and it gave Cindi and me a lot of joy to see you connect with your special mate.

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