A Peeve About Playing At The Club
Now that my civic duty is done and I’m finally on the lunch break of my busy day, I want to mention this one little thing that nags at me when I’m playing at Paddles. It’s something that makes me very uncomfortable.
Lurkers and watchers and to be expected at Paddles or anywhere that does not have screened off areas. People can see you even if they’re staying at a respectable distance (which most do). There are even a couple of alcoves at Paddles where a chain can be put up making it more difficult for people to get closer than ten feet.
There are times when it has less to do with how close they are than it does with how they are sitting or positioning themselves. I was playing with a couple of women recently and decided not to pull their panties down because I just knew that the person watching was sitting a particular way just to catch a view of between the woman’s legs or between their cheeks. Call it male intuition but I just knew it.
Normally, I don’t begrudge anyone a crotch or butthole shot if the person showing off knows it and accepts doing it. I have a certain problem with someone sneaking themselves a peep because they know the panties are going to come down eventually. I’ve had it happen in the past where a person sitting at a decent distance all of a sudden starts leaning in when the panties come down like they’re answering the siren’s call. I’ve had to wave them back hoping that the person I was playing with did not notice – it’s a head space ruiner.
What can be done about it? Other than outright saying something to the person right then and there (and embarrassing them in front of other paying customers), I’m not sure. If a person has their business in full view of the crowd then is it unreasonable on my part to want them to refrain from going into contortions to catch a view of a woman’s anus? The fact is that although the person I’m spanking may not see them, I see them and it disturbs what I’m doing. I may want to go to the bare bottom but in those instances don’t because, I suppose, I’m spitefully denying these folks their cheap thrill.
Radspace 
November 4, 2008 at 3:57 pm
These women have already opted to expose themselves to all lookers to a great degree – and at a dungeon, no less. I can’t imagine them to be too modest. And you have mentioned elsewhere on this blog that you are an exhibitionist.
I’m sure that you could set up a private ‘club within a club’ where you could invite viewers of YOUR choice for special sessions. But there would be a cost that you’d have to work out with management. Any club or restaurant offers additional privacy for a premium.
November 4, 2008 at 4:14 pm
But exhibitionism, like ice cream, comes in many flavors. I’ll put it very plainly – I may not mind putting on a “show” and people are welcome to watch as long as they don’t get in the way. That’s a little different than someone gazing into a woman’s cooch like he’s deciphering a code.
November 4, 2008 at 5:46 pm
What do you expect from Paddles? A Gentleman’s club?
November 4, 2008 at 6:15 pm
What I expect from Paddles the club is not the same thing as what I expect from my fellow human beings. Paddles provides a place to gather and play and charges an admission price for that service. The people I’m talking about have nothing to do with the club nor do I expect the club itself to do anything about it. I’m merely pointing out that certain people seem a little too mesmerized by female anatomy.
I’m not attacking Paddles in any way, shape or form.
November 4, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Well then, I guess that you’re stuck with some of your fellow human beings. You then could try and be like an actor on stage, and not pay attention to what’s going on in the audience.
November 4, 2008 at 9:26 pm
ThisGuy45 – Paddles is a BDSM club, it’s not a dance club where you can rent out sections and only invite your friends. It doesn’t work that way.
And as far as this topic goes, I *greatly* appreciated you asking me if I’d like you to keep my panties up because of the crowd.
I like playing in front of people as much as the next person, and have had many a bare bottom spanking at paddles, and will continue to do so, however, everyone deserves respect. The last thing I want to worry about when I am enjoying a scene, is if Joe he Plumber is just waiting for a whiff or a peek.
This comment was me…sorry…
November 4, 2008 at 9:52 pm
I do ignore the people who are watching for the most part especially the vast majority who are respectful and behave themselves. However, I cannot and, in my opinion, should not ignore those people whose behavior makes me uncomfortable. There is something they are doing that is setting them apart from the ones who are not as obtrusive.
KJ: My pleasure.
November 4, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Hey Rad, Although I’ve never played with you, its nice to know that you are so respectful of the bottoms’ bottom. I have often noticed the same thing at the club, and although you expect such things, its like you say, “a head space ruiner. unless thats what your into. looking forward to seeing you and sandy at the club.
November 4, 2008 at 10:41 pm
kernalgeneral: I don’t know about respectful but I certainly want the person I’m playing with not to be intruded upon.
November 5, 2008 at 1:16 am
Ok for one thing maybe I’m being a bit overly sensitive (especially since I’ve only been spanked somewhat publicly a couple of times and have never been bared in front of people), and it may not have been meant that way, but I find the comment about “these women” exposing themselves and therefore not being modest rather offensive. It’s a spanking/BDSM club, not a strip club. A woman getting spanked, even in public, does not automatically give up all rights to modesty and being treated with common decency/respect. If it were me getting spanked and bared, I would most likely be thinking of it in terms of the spanking…..not thinking oooh yeah I hope lots of guys are straining to see my hooha. I know a bare bottom can be part of the whole head space for spankos……but to me, bare bottom and close-up crotch shot are two different things.
Anyway, Rad I do think your thoughts and actions are very respectful and in my opinion would make a woman feel very safe and somewhat protected with you as a spanker. Just my two cents 🙂
November 5, 2008 at 1:42 am
munchkin: I thank you for your thoughts on the subject and for your kind words.
I think everyone has value no matter who they are. The people who like to go to the club and watch rather than participate have no less right to be there than I do. But most of them – the vast majority – watch from a far enough distance that they don’t intrude. I don’t mind these folks at all – I have very little use for the few who do intrude.
November 5, 2008 at 1:54 am
Here’s the Merriam Webster dictionary definition of “these”:
the persons, things, or ideas that are present or near in place, time, or thought or <<>>. (I added the emphasis)
There was no pejorative adjective after “these.” I don’t think that “opted” or “exposed” are considered to be derogatory either. The accepted meaning of “modesty” in this context is “Avoiding attracting attention to oneself by moderating one’s actions or appearance”
So – to set the record straight, somebody might not have liked what I said, but I certainly didn’t say anything offensive.
November 5, 2008 at 1:56 am
Kate – you say “it doesn’t work that way” Says who?
Money changes everything. And it wouldn’t take that much to arrange for privacy at a club. Especially if a group of people contributed.
November 5, 2008 at 11:40 am
I doubt there is much point in taking issue with ThisGuy45, disinclined as he seems to be to listen.
However, I will offer my support to Munchkin: I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. His comments are at a minimum awfully insensitive. Speaking as a female bottom who is neither particularly modest nor particularly exhibitionistic, there’s a big difference between having my bottom bared in public and having someone in the audience scramble for a cheap thrill. I’d probably wear a thong at a place like Paddles for that reason, but I don’t see wearing regular underwear as an invitation to be crude when it’s removed.
I certainly prefer to play with tops who would consider my comfort level in the way Rad describes here. I stay well away from any who gives off even a whiff of the attitude that just because I’m at Paddles or a spanking party, or similar environment, I’ve opted to expose myself to all onlookers.
November 5, 2008 at 11:50 am
Note to all (including me): I’d prefer that discussions not get into personal attacks from anyone to anyone else. I’m not sure I would delete even the most egregious examples of this because I think people should stand by their statements. However, I’m asking folks to argue the topic and not each other.
Thanks.
November 5, 2008 at 12:08 pm
One more thing: Although my comment above was in direct proximity to Indy’s comment, that should not be an indication that I was speaking to her alone.
As to the crux of the disagreement and hurt feelings, I think that in the context of this subject, terms like “these women” might sound a bit like “those people” or “that one”. Charged terms that paint things with too broad a brush. I’ve been careful to say that most of the people at the club know how to behave or at the very least are willing to learn the etiquette of the club. Most of the “watchers” are there to see some good scenes rather than positioning themselves in such a way as to get a direct look at a woman’s vagina or anus. If they are observed during a scene then that’s just the way it is, it’s just the way these few people make themselves so obvious that creates an uncomfortable situation.
November 5, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I think it was my first SL party. I noticed the pussy peeper phenomenon. When there was a spanking on stage (this was back at the Stardust), the panties came down, and all of a sudden there was a migration to one side of the stage. Switch to an other handed spanker later in the evening. The crowd then migrated over to the other side.
I witnessed the same at a couple of suite parties. It’s icky. And skeevy (that is your word Rad, yes?.. well ,not yours personally, but you do use it).
I mean, why not just get a cheap porn mag with a scratch and sniff inset and stay at home. These guys are pretty easy to recognize and probably why they spend all of their time watching and none of it playing.
November 6, 2008 at 10:04 pm
(((shudder))) I know exactly what guys you are speaking of, Laura. They are skeevy to the nth degree. (and icky too!)
November 10, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Rad:
As an exhibitionist, I am not shy about being naked in front of others when playing. That being said, I am really creeped out by the “pussy peeper’ phenomena, as Laurat calls it. I get an extremely icky feeling when the guy watching reaches his hand in his pocket. These are the same guys who never strike up converations with women at parties, but they elbow their way to a seat with a view when the panties come down.
November 10, 2008 at 9:34 pm
k: Pocket pool has a long tradition and history among young men, unfortunately, some don’t grow out of it.