Is It Discipline Or A Cheap Facsimile Thereof?

There are times when I’m spanking someone, especially when doing a discipline scene, when it feels like I’m giving a massage instead.

OK, maybe a massage is the wrong word but I use it because I think I’m putting too much thought into the actual spanking part – trying to “even it out” as I go along. I may go out of my way to spread the spanks around the buttocks or slap slow to begin with and faster as I go along or start with a series of quick short spanks that build up in intensity. In all honesty, I’m trying to make the experience a pleasurable one for both of us.

However, if I was spanking someone for real – if it was a real disciplinary spanking – then I shouldn’t be worried about etiquette or intensity or any of those things. If I was punishing someone “for real”, wouldn’t I just do it for maximum effect rather than worry about all the other stuff? I’m not saying that my spankings aren’t hard or that I’m holding back, just that I’m putting more thought into the experience than I am just doing it as if it was the real thing.

Obviously, most of us do this because it is something that is pleasurable in one way or another – it is something we enjoy doing even if it is unpleasant at that moment for the person on the receiving end. In that respect, it’s perfectly acceptable to consider the overall scene and how it is for both me and the person being spanked. There are times I’m punishing Sandy, for example, when I’m not concerning myself with making sure the scene is anything but disciplinary. But we’re both atuned to each other and that sort of play is more possible than it is if the person is an occasional play partner.

I’m not even sure any of this makes sense but it is a nagging conundrum.


8 Responses to “Is It Discipline Or A Cheap Facsimile Thereof?”

  1. If people come to you for a disciplinary spanking then that’s what it should be. As long as there is a safe word in place….you should just do what you think is necessary to provide that disciplinary release. Hope you have a great week Rad.

  2. Barb: But I’m always conscious of the fact that the reason we’re all doing this (on some level) is to have a good time.

    By the way, good luck.

  3. I think you have yourself on a slippery slope, Rad. You like the discipline thing, be it real or role play. Real stuff, I think you need to treat as real. That is understandable. Role play discipline gets tricky. And as you’ve said before, it needs to be good for you (and presumably the bottom you are with) for it to work. If you over think it, it becomes like work, then you get into the same predicament as you are spanking just to spank. So, I’m thinking once you “negotiate” the scene, you would treat it almost like a real discipline scene.

    I finally think I met someone who overthinks as much as I do. 🙂

  4. I think it is nice that you give thought and effort to your spanking. It makes you a thoughtful disciplinarian. Such thoughtfulness inspires loyalty in the spankee, so it is a more effective discipline if the spankee feels cared for in the process. I would hope the spankee would come away thinking, “I don’t ever want to disappoint him like that (in that way) again,” rather than “I don’t ever want him to come near my bottom again!”

  5. Laura: I tend to deconstruct everything until there’s little left of it. My ex used to ask in an exasperated tone why I couldn’t just sit back and watch a movie without picking every little thing apart.

    Maryann: Then perhaps I should make a distinction between discipline and punishment. Discipline is a touch more caring than simple punishment.

  6. I think if it’s real discipline, then it’s your call.

    If it’s roleplay, then it needs to be discussed ahead of time – what the parameters are, do you listen to safewords?

    There is a debate about safewords between me and friends – if they are necessary, or if a good Top can read body language and know what’s going on. I’m all for whatever works for whoever is playing. Most (MOST) of the people I play with, I don’t need to use safewords – they know me well enough to know that if I say I need a break, then I REALLY need a break! If I play with someone who is too hard on me, then I tell them after play that we need to renegotiate the parameters…and that RARELY happens. I’ve been extremely fortunate in the scene that with one exception, I would gladly play with any of the people I’ve met and played with again and again and again…*G*

    Good post, Rad!

  7. I can’t speak for what exactly it is that F. does differently, but I sure know when it’s an honest-to-god punishment. And I think it could be exactly this difference you’ve pinpointed. A lot of people in the scene hate the word “thrashing” but I find it a much better word than “spanking” for when F. is just laying on the hairbrush/cane/belt/whatever with basically the sole intent to cause maximum pain with minimum damage.

    And I think there is a difference between discipline and punishment. When I am getting disciplined for failing to meet certain goals or forgetting to do something I said I would, I think there is that more careful, caring (though not gentle) sense to it. When I’m being punished for a major fuck-up, there is rather less sentiment.

  8. A really good post, with a lot of really good responses.

    All these questions touch core questions within myself. Since I don’t really “do” role play, I’ve always questioned whether a disciplinary/punishment scene could work for me, and I DO distinguish between discipline and punishment as some of your responders pointed out.

    I suspect that “real” punishment and discipline works best within the context of an ongoing intimate relationship, although I know there are many people who visit or “play” with people they call their disciplinarians.

    Basically, however, I think “play” comes down to play — something that ultimately is going to provide a reward for both parties on some level. So, I think that when you are doing discipline or punishment with someone on a casual level, it should probably be considered as “play” but the goal should be to make it seem as authentic as possible.

    I did several disciplinary/punishment scenes with a former partner that were all muddled up and ultimately unsatisfactory because my top was uncomfortable with real, authentic punishment and wanted to quickly wrap up that aspect of our scene and get back to more pleasurable (though not necessarily less painful!) pursuits.

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